please don't ever use the word HATE and child in the same sentence

Capechick2007 · January 2010

As a teacher of 13 year old and someone passionate about the well-being of children....If you dislike/ hate a child they know it. They can feel it in their bones and they suffer from it day after day. A child who acts out is one who needs something..usually love and acceptance. I am seriously so sick and sad over that post. Children do not choose to be bad EVER, either they have a disability that prevents them from controlling their behavior or they have been raised without any idea of how to get positive attention. I see it each and every day and it breaks my heart.

CinnamonBun · January 2010

As a social worker for children services I have to disagree with you. I can say I hate a kid all I want - just b/c you are a teacher doesn't mean you understand all aspects of troubled kids.

stacieandclint · January 2010

Very well said. I can't believe someone would say they hate a 9 year old! I wonder how she would feel if someone said they hated her kid! Unbelievable.

Ba Lolly · January 2010

CinnamonBun:

As a social worker for children services I have to disagree with you. I can say I hate a kid all I want - just b/c you are a teacher doesn't mean you understand all aspects of troubled kids.

As long as we're throwing our credentials around, as someone who has a BS in Child and Family Development:

You shouldn't be working with children. Children who are in the DFCS system have enough problems without someone who is supposed to be their advocate HATING them too. Get a different job.

KKWISC · January 2010

Some kids do suck. Some kids are just not nice and essentially not fun to be around. BUT I would never say Hate and my own child, step or otherwise, in the same sentence. You can do something about your own kid, you can't about some other kids and then you just say "That kid sucked".

CinnamonBun · January 2010

Ba Lolly:
CinnamonBun:

As a social worker for children services I have to disagree with you. I can say I hate a kid all I want - just b/c you are a teacher doesn't mean you understand all aspects of troubled kids.

As long as we're throwing our credentials around, as someone who has a BS in Child and Family Development:

You shouldn't be working with children. Children who are in the DFCS system have enough problems without someone who is supposed to be their advocate HATING them too. Get a different job.

First of all - no child EVER deserves to be abused, regardless of whether or not I like them. There are people (kids included) that are just not good people.

Tell me how you are going to l like a child that rapes and kills another child adult, or animal? You don't know shiit about my job, or me for that matter. You have NO idea what i see on a daily basis, and frankly it would be difficult for you to sleep at night. There are not many people that can do the job that I do, and I am damn good at it.

I fight for a kids on a daily basis, but I am also very realistic about human nature and what humans (child or adult) are capable of. Don't presume to know b/c you watch tv, or the news, or law and order - it is nothing like that and frankly a whole lot worse than most people can EVER imagine.

Capechick2007 · January 2010

you are right..I in no way understand every aspect of troubled kids. And you can say whatever you want, but it doesn't make it right.

Ba Lolly · January 2010

CinnamonBun:
Ba Lolly:
CinnamonBun:

As a social worker for children services I have to disagree with you. I can say I hate a kid all I want - just b/c you are a teacher doesn't mean you understand all aspects of troubled kids.

As long as we're throwing our credentials around, as someone who has a BS in Child and Family Development:

You shouldn't be working with children. Children who are in the DFCS system have enough problems without someone who is supposed to be their advocate HATING them too. Get a different job.

First of all - no child EVER deserves to be abused, regardless of whether or not I like them. There are people (kids included) that are just not good people.

Tell me how you are going to l like a child that rapes and kills another child adult, or animal? You don't know shiit about my job, or me for that matter. You have NO idea what i see on a daily basis, and frankly it would be difficult for you to sleep at night. There are not many people that can do the job that I do, and I am damn good at it.

I fight for a kids on a daily basis, but I am also very realistic about human nature and what humans (child or adult) are capable of. Don't presume to know b/c you watch tv, or the news, or law and order - it is nothing like that and frankly a whole lot worse than most people can EVER imagine.

LOL, I hope you don't have this kind of temper at your job. For your information I have worked with ALL kinds of children who have been abused (sexually, physically, emotionally, as well as neglected to the point that they were left for two weeks in a house with nothing but dogs and all they had to eat was dog sh!t). Yeah, the kids were royally screwed up, but children do not come into this world that way. I know the horrors better than most and it did not come from Law and Order! That being said, I've never "hated" a child, and I stand by my statement that you need a new job if you "hate" the children you are supposed to an advocate for. Period, end of story.

IrishBrideND · January 2010

I've had students who have killed and/or raped people. I don't hate them. They are kids. I reserve my hate for whoever made them that way.

It actually depresses the hell out of me when I experience things like that. Rage isn't what comes to mind.

tessab2515 · January 2010

Is this in response to a post or something? Who said they hate their kid? I can't imagine EVER saying that...

Ba Lolly · January 2010

tessab2515:
Is this in response to a post or something? Who said they hate their kid? I can't imagine EVER saying that...

Here is the original post:

OMG what to do? I now spend every other weekend at my parents house, an hour and a half away. Because of DF's 9 yr old son (that he has every other weekend), he is a complete BRAT! And I know it sounds horrible saying that... but trust me ladies First SS says "oh the baby kicked you, that means he doesn't like you!" he is the most disrespectful child I've ever met. He back talks every time I tell him to do something and then runs off crying like a 3 yr old girl! Not to mention his GLORIOUS mother puts things in his head before he comes to our house saying "well your dad really doesn't want to see you." And what gets me going is when he calls my baby "Jr" like "wesley (his name) Jr." Eww I couldn't think of a worse role model! And he's going to be the brother to my child, omg makes me hyperventilate! What the h*** do I do??? All I want is my son to grow up healthy happy and RESPECT his elders! haha

CinnamonBun · January 2010

Confused

And I'll stand by what I said. I'm a damn good social worker and damn good at my job.

I never said I hated kids, I said if I wanted to say I hated a kid I could. People are allowed to say that - it's not against the law or makes them a bad person.

Yes some chick said she hated her 9 yo step son.

IrishBrideND · January 2010

CinnamonBun:

And I'll stand by what I said. I'm a damn good social worker and damn good at my job.

I never said I hated kids, I said if I wanted to say I hated a kid I could. People are allowed to say that - it's not against the law or makes them a bad person.

Yes some chick said she hated her 9 yo step son.

No one said people can't say it or its against the law. The OP asked people to please not say it.

People are also entitled to judge what others say....that doesn't mean you legally can't say it.

KKWISC · January 2010

CinnamonBun:
And I'll stand by what I said. I'm a damn good social worker and damn good at my job.
I never said I hated kids, I said if I wanted to say I hated a kid I could. People are allowed to say that - it's not against the law or makes them a bad person.
Yes some chick said she hated her 9 yo step son.

I think you were misunderstood too. You can say you hate anything or anyone.

The line comes when people say they hate their own kids.

Ba Lolly · January 2010

I'm just a fan of saying what you mean and meaning what you say. You say you "hate" a kid (*eyeroll*, no one is going to arrest you for it) and so I assume that you mean you hate a kid.

Ba Lolly · January 2010

I just don't say "hate" unless I mean it. As far as children go, I may "hate" their actions but I would never hate them as a person.

Laura0575 · January 2010

Yes, but were there any pets involved???

grace416 · January 2010

The words "love" and "hate" are very strong words. But now a days they get thrown around so easily and they are used as very casual words.

ktrumpatori · January 2010

Ba Lolly:

tessab2515:
Is this in response to a post or something? Who said they hate their kid? I can't imagine EVER saying that...

Here is the original post:

OMG what to do? I now spend every other weekend at my parents house, an hour and a half away. Because of DF's 9 yr old son (that he has every other weekend), he is a complete BRAT! And I know it sounds horrible saying that... but trust me ladies First SS says "oh the baby kicked you, that means he doesn't like you!" he is the most disrespectful child I've ever met. He back talks every time I tell him to do something and then runs off crying like a 3 yr old girl! Not to mention his GLORIOUS mother puts things in his head before he comes to our house saying "well your dad really doesn't want to see you." And what gets me going is when he calls my baby "Jr" like "wesley (his name) Jr." Eww I couldn't think of a worse role model! And he's going to be the brother to my child, omg makes me hyperventilate! What the h*** do I do??? All I want is my son to grow up healthy happy and RESPECT his elders! haha

Ok, am I missing where she says she "hates" him? I didn't see it.... is this the entire original post?

KKWISC · January 2010

ktrumpatori:
Ba Lolly:

tessab2515:
Is this in response to a post or something? Who said they hate their kid? I can't imagine EVER saying that...

Here is the original post:

OMG what to do? I now spend every other weekend at my parents house, an hour and a half away. Because of DF's 9 yr old son (that he has every other weekend), he is a complete BRAT! And I know it sounds horrible saying that... but trust me ladies First SS says "oh the baby kicked you, that means he doesn't like you!" he is the most disrespectful child I've ever met. He back talks every time I tell him to do something and then runs off crying like a 3 yr old girl! Not to mention his GLORIOUS mother puts things in his head before he comes to our house saying "well your dad really doesn't want to see you." And what gets me going is when he calls my baby "Jr" like "wesley (his name) Jr." Eww I couldn't think of a worse role model! And he's going to be the brother to my child, omg makes me hyperventilate! What the h*** do I do??? All I want is my son to grow up healthy happy and RESPECT his elders! haha

Ok, am I missing where she says she "hates" him? I didn't see it.... is this the entire original post?

It was titled "I hate my soon to be SS" or something along those lines.

goatwife · January 2010

grace416:
The words "love" and "hate" are very strong words. But now a days they get thrown around so easily and they are used as very casual words.

This. People say they're in love within a week of meeting each other - and people often mistake "hate" with a particular annoyance you have against someone. So I wouldn't take it seriously if someone said either, really.

goatwife · January 2010

Also, I'm not buying it that a kid 9 years or older doesn't "choose" to do bad things. While there ARE things in your psychology, you can't ignore that they're old enough to make certain choices. They can choose whether or not to do their homework or cheat on a test, or hit another child.

AND BEFORE ANYONE ELSE REPLIES SAYING THE SAME CRAP, I'm not talking about serious wrongs like rape or something. I'm just saying that it shouldn't be a "blanket" statement.

IrishBrideND · January 2010

goatwife:
Also, I'm not buying it that a kid 9 years or older doesn't "choose" to do bad things. While there ARE things in your psychology, you can't ignore that they're old enough to make certain choices. They can choose whether or not to do their homework or cheat on a test, or hit another child.

Its not that they didn't "chose" to do it. Thats not the point. But if a 9 year old really thinks something like rape or murder are ok to do, then there are bigger issues there.

goatwife · January 2010

IrishBrideND:
goatwife:
Also, I'm not buying it that a kid 9 years or older doesn't "choose" to do bad things. While there ARE things in your psychology, you can't ignore that they're old enough to make certain choices. They can choose whether or not to do their homework or cheat on a test, or hit another child.

Its not that they didn't "chose" to do it. Thats not the point. But if a 9 year old really thinks something like rape or murder are ok to do, then there are bigger issues there.

Oh I don't deny that at all.

Laura0575 · January 2010

In all seriousness, at what age do we start holding kids accountable for their own personality traits?

CinnamonBun · January 2010

IrishBrideND:
goatwife:
Also, I'm not buying it that a kid 9 years or older doesn't "choose" to do bad things. While there ARE things in your psychology, you can't ignore that they're old enough to make certain choices. They can choose whether or not to do their homework or cheat on a test, or hit another child.

Its not that they didn't "chose" to do it. Thats not the point. But if a 9 year old really thinks something like rape or murder are ok to do, then there are bigger issues there.

Yes there are.

Ba Lolly · January 2010

IrishBrideND:

goatwife:
Also, I'm not buying it that a kid 9 years or older doesn't "choose" to do bad things. While there ARE things in your psychology, you can't ignore that they're old enough to make certain choices. They can choose whether or not to do their homework or cheat on a test, or hit another child.

Its not that they didn't "chose" to do it. Thats not the point. But if a 9 year old really thinks something like rape or murder are ok to do, then there are bigger issues there.

Exactly. Chances are good that that child has been raped and thinks that is the norm.

goatwife · January 2010

Ba Lolly:
IrishBrideND:

goatwife:
Also, I'm not buying it that a kid 9 years or older doesn't "choose" to do bad things. While there ARE things in your psychology, you can't ignore that they're old enough to make certain choices. They can choose whether or not to do their homework or cheat on a test, or hit another child.

Its not that they didn't "chose" to do it. Thats not the point. But if a 9 year old really thinks something like rape or murder are ok to do, then there are bigger issues there.

Exactly. Chances are good that that child has been raped and thinks that is the norm.

Obviously I missed something about rape. And that's really not the hell what I was talking about at all.

KKWISC · January 2010

goatwife:
Ba Lolly:
IrishBrideND:

goatwife:
Also, I'm not buying it that a kid 9 years or older doesn't "choose" to do bad things. While there ARE things in your psychology, you can't ignore that they're old enough to make certain choices. They can choose whether or not to do their homework or cheat on a test, or hit another child.

Its not that they didn't "chose" to do it. Thats not the point. But if a 9 year old really thinks something like rape or murder are ok to do, then there are bigger issues there.

Exactly. Chances are good that that child has been raped and thinks that is the norm.
Obviously I missed something about rape. And that's really not the hell what I was talking about at all.

Yea this thing made a hard left... Its been crazy!

goatwife · January 2010

KKWISC:
goatwife:
Ba Lolly:
IrishBrideND:

goatwife:
Also, I'm not buying it that a kid 9 years or older doesn't "choose" to do bad things. While there ARE things in your psychology, you can't ignore that they're old enough to make certain choices. They can choose whether or not to do their homework or cheat on a test, or hit another child.

Its not that they didn't "chose" to do it. Thats not the point. But if a 9 year old really thinks something like rape or murder are ok to do, then there are bigger issues there.

Exactly. Chances are good that that child has been raped and thinks that is the norm.
Obviously I missed something about rape. And that's really not the hell what I was talking about at all.
Yea this thing made a hard left... Its been crazy!

I was only referring to the first initial blanket statement ... I really hate blanket statements. Haha.

Ba Lolly · January 2010

In context of the original post and subsequent post that someone found elsewhere, it seems that neither she nor her FI like the child. Supposedly, his ex-wife got pregnant and he has "regretted" having the child every day since. Now, she goes to her parents every weekend that the FSS is there and the father "regrets" him being born apparently. I'm sure I'd have an attitude with these alleged adults if my FSM ran away every weekend and my daddy dearest wished that I hadn't been born. I'm sure he's acting out in a "bratty" way because of these emotions by the people who are supposed to love and care about him. He wasn't setting fire to their cats, he was calling their unborn son "junior" and "talking back". And yet, she said that she hates him for that... god help her when her own child turns nine years old and inevitably talks back.

IrishBrideND · January 2010

Cinanmon brought up children who rape, so since that extreme was brought up, I used it as an example as well.

goatwife · January 2010

Ba Lolly:
In context of the original post and subsequent post that someone found elsewhere, it seems that neither she nor her FI like the child. Supposedly, his ex-wife got pregnant and he has "regretted" having the child every day since. Now, she goes to her parents every weekend that the FSS is there and the father "regrets" him being born apparently. I'm sure I'd have an attitude with these alleged adults if my FSM ran away every weekend and my daddy dearest wished that I hadn't been born. I'm sure he's acting out in a "bratty" way because of these emotions by the people who are supposed to love and care about him. He wasn't setting fire to their cats, he was calling their unborn son "junior" and "talking back". And yet, she said that she hates him for that... god help her when her own child turns nine years old and inevitably talks back.

So this is what all this uproar is over? She's just frustrated, the kid's frustrated (and rightfully so,) everyone's frustrated! They all need to just chill the hell out ... and if part of her chilling out means venting on the internet that she "hates" the kid, well then, she's not exactly saying that to his face, right? I don't have a 9 year old child (I've just taught them in school,) so they're on their own there... but maybe once they chill out, the kid will chill out? I dunno, I think they can just pick up that vibe.

Of course, this is all just my humble opinion,and I'm sure someone out there's going to have SOME problem with it... it's the butt-hole theory.

IrishBrideND · January 2010

goatwife:
KKWISC:
goatwife:
Ba Lolly:
IrishBrideND:

goatwife:
Also, I'm not buying it that a kid 9 years or older doesn't "choose" to do bad things. While there ARE things in your psychology, you can't ignore that they're old enough to make certain choices. They can choose whether or not to do their homework or cheat on a test, or hit another child.

Its not that they didn't "chose" to do it. Thats not the point. But if a 9 year old really thinks something like rape or murder are ok to do, then there are bigger issues there.

Exactly. Chances are good that that child has been raped and thinks that is the norm.

Obviously I missed something about rape. And that's really not the hell what I was talking about at all.

Yea this thing made a hard left... Its been crazy!

I was only referring to the first initial blanket statement ... I really hate blanket statements. Haha.

Then why on earth did you make one?

goatwife · January 2010

IrishBrideND:
goatwife:
KKWISC:
goatwife:
Ba Lolly:
IrishBrideND:

goatwife:
Also, I'm not buying it that a kid 9 years or older doesn't "choose" to do bad things. While there ARE things in your psychology, you can't ignore that they're old enough to make certain choices. They can choose whether or not to do their homework or cheat on a test, or hit another child.

Its not that they didn't "chose" to do it. Thats not the point. But if a 9 year old really thinks something like rape or murder are ok to do, then there are bigger issues there.

Exactly. Chances are good that that child has been raped and thinks that is the norm.

Obviously I missed something about rape. And that's really not the hell what I was talking about at all.

Yea this thing made a hard left... Its been crazy!

I was only referring to the first initial blanket statement ... I really hate blanket statements. Haha.

Then why on earth did you make one?

How in the hell was that a blanketed statement? I gave a criteria - I only mentioned things that were relatively small in the scheme of things, not like setting a cat on fire or some crap (hence "certain choices. ") Also, I expressed that I'm "not buying it." That's not exactly like writing an encyclopedia entry.

IrishBrideND · January 2010

goatwife:

How in the hell was that a blanketed statement? I gave a criteria - I only mentioned things that were relatively small in the scheme of things, not like setting a cat on fire or some crap (hence "certain choices. ") Also, I expressed that I'm "not buying it." That's not exactly like writing an encyclopedia entry.

I hate when there are 30 quotes within quotes

I misread which one was yours.

Ba Lolly · January 2010

She can vent all she wants to, but the feedback that she gets is not going to be all rainbows and sunshine. If she felt that strongly about it then she shouldn't have DD'ed. If I come on the internet and say I hate someone (my MiL for example) I can back it up. Nor did she give examples of behavior that is that far off the beaten path for any nine year old. She is not even married to his father yet and she hates him. All we have to go on is what she said. She hates him for talking back and calling her unborn son junior. It's not like he's sneaking whiskey and taping firecrackers to hamsters.

poppeygirl · January 2010

Ba Lolly:
It's not like he's sneaking whiskey and taping firecrackers to hamsters.

*snickers*

sarasek · January 2010

I think the word 'hate' is very powerful, especially to kids. I don't know enough about troubled kids to say anything about that, but I don't think any adult should tell a child they hate them, regardless of their situation.

Sara

ktrumpatori · January 2010

Laura0575:

In all seriousness, at what age do we start holding kids accountable for their own personality traits?

This. Exactly.

matthew24 · January 2010

ktrumpatori:
Laura0575:

In all seriousness, at what age do we start holding kids accountable for their own personality traits?

This. Exactly.

Whenever they do something horrible and the 'we love all children people' come out of the wood-work and argue that the 9 year olds should be charged as an adult and sentenced to life. It's always a hypocritical situation IMO.

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please don't ever use the word HATE and child in the same sentence

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