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Should I Feel Guilty - Kind of Long

suepotsysuepotsy
in 2nd Trimester

So this weekend I had a minor melt-down ... directed at my husband!Β  He has not been very supportive/helpful around the house.Β  If I want something done I have to do it myself or it doesnt get done (eg. the Christmas lights are still up).Β  Anyways, he went out with his friends on Fri.Β  I went for a little but came home early.Β  He stayed out pretty late and came home pretty drunk.Β  I didn't say anything because I don't want to tell him not to hang out with friends, especially since he doesn't do it very often.Β  However, he felt less than spectacular the next day, and my parents were coming to stay the weekend (scheduled a long time ago).Β  I was rushing around that morning trying to clean and get everything ready.Β  He was just watching TV and playing on the computer.Β 

I got really upset and told him I couldn't do everything myself and that I needed help.Β  We got into a big fight because he said that I was completely wrong (I HATE being told that the way I feel is wrong - big pet peeve).Β  It resulted in some silent anger between the two of us.Β  And yesterday I came home and he had cleaned the whole house, done the laundry and cooked dinner.Β  I SOOOOOO appreciate him helping me and doing stuff but now he is cold-shouldering me.Β  I feel like I have to keep apologizing to get him to talk to me.Β  Should I feel guilty for my break-down?Β  I know I'm hormonal right now!

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Re: Should I Feel Guilty - Kind of Long

  • jamielollarjamielollar
    NO!Β  DO NOT FEEL GUILTY!Β  This happened to me and my husband (actually it is still happening).Β  He was off Monday and I wasn't.Β  There was a lot of laundry that needed to get done and he went golfing and then sat on the couch- Oh, not before he put a load in the washer and LEFT IT THERE!Β  Yeah, it's still there because I AM NOT doing it.Β  I do everything around the house and work 55 hours a week with no holidays.Β  I am tired.Β  And I almost forgot.... we are growing humans in our bodies!Β  Think that trumps anything they got!
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  • ASmallWonderASmallWonder member
    FWIW, I don't think you owe Β him an apology. Β I would let him know that you really appreciate him doing the work around the house and leave it at that. Β Unfortunately, for some people it takes someone being mad at them for them to understand that they're falling short - but then they have trouble getting over it.
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  • karatechrissykaratechrissy member
    He obviously did all that because HE is feeling guilty. I would calmly talk to him and just say this is the last time you are bringing it up, explain your hormones, appologizing for blowing up, and be done. If he can't get over it than let him stew over it...
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  • micaelasmakeupmicaelasmakeup member
    Nope.Β  but he did listen to what you were trying to get across.Β  So i think a big thank you for cleaning and another thank you for listening would be nice.Β  Positive renforcement!!!Β  Just like a dog. haha





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  • MrsEmmMrsEmm

    Dont feel guilty!

    maybe now that youre not feeling as emotional/hormonal about it you can go to him & say "hey, i know I overreacted and Im sorry for that. I really need a little extra help - especially with the baby coming. Maybe you could start ___fill-in-the-blank____ to help me out, itd be awesome." Give him specific examples of what he can do & how often to do it.

    For example - we have an agreement that whoever cooks doesnt have to clean. Little agreements like this helps avoid arguments imo.?

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  • babya2010babya2010 member
    I wouldn't feel guilty in the slightest! I think we have to constantly remind them "yo, I'm tired and need extra help...just because I used to do it all doesn't mean I have the endurance to keep up with it now."
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  • suepotsysuepotsy
    Thank you all for your advice!Β  It's nice to know that I'm not the only one dealing with some of these issues!Β  It's hard enough dealing with the changes in my body and baby etc and to add disagreements with husband makes it harder.Β  It's nice to have you ladies to talk to and lean on!!
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  • nopegoatnopegoat member
    I don't think you should! I would thank him for the help and tell him he didn't need to do ALL that just help you out a little (though it would be nice lol)! But as far as feeling guilty definitely not! You have a right to demand some help! You are making his baby!
    Wife. Boy mom x6. Expecting #7. Wannabe homesteader.
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  • AllieJeanAllieJean
    I dont think you should be sorry for anything. He should help you as much as possible so you can focus on growing that baby!Β  We made a deal that DH will cook dinner at least once every week and he cleans the bathroom so I dont have to deal with the chemicals. I do the laundry and vaccum. And we cleaned out our closet together the other night, it makes life so much easier when you have help.
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