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3rd Trimester
Anyone have parents who think they're "too young?" (LONG)
My parents are 53...not the spring chickens they seem to think they are. And they seem to be having a joint midlife crisis of sorts...complete with the purchasing of sports cars, weekly parties with younger (30something) couples, a new interest in the "bar scene," trips for rock concerts (where they are officially the "creepy old people," I'm sure), etc. They both think they're too young to be grandparents. They've kinda ditched all their friends that I know, saying they're "too old," (when they're mostly just a few years older) and have this whole new group that are waaay younger and as they have told me, "none of the new friends are grandparents yet." I am an only child so this is the first grandchild and I thought they would be completely out of control with excitement. Not so much.
My grandfather passed away last year. He had moved in with them when I was 16 years old due to health problems. Now that he has passed they have an empty house for the first time since I was born. I think the new-found freedom is what has led to the onset of this "crisis."
Don't get me wrong. They seem happy. They don't disagree with our decision to start a family. They don't think we can't or shouldn't be doing this. They just seem to be in their own little world where they really dont.care.at.all. They've planned a 3 week long trip starting a week and a half after LO is due. It bugs me because if I go past my due date, they may not get much time to spend with her before they're gone. Call me selfish but I though that one of the advantages of living 10 minutes away from them would be that I could rely on my mom's help in the first few weeks after LO's birth.
This is so opposite of how I am used to them behaving and it's just a little odd to me. DH finds it odd as well and we have been together for 8 years so he has come to know them very well. I want them to live their lives and I want them to be happy and enjoy being able to travel and do these things while they still can but the selfish only child in me also kinda wants them to settle down just a little and be grandparents sometimes. I'd really like if they would want to spend time with her and hopefully that will happen once she is here. It's not that I'm looking to dump my kid on them or anything. I had a close relationship with my grandparents growing up and I'm just so thankful I was able to know them and spend so much time with them. I want the same for my LO.
So, does anyone else have parents who are going a little nuts...and not about the baby? How old are your parents if they feel they are "too young?" I'd love to hear others' stories.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Anyone have parents who think they're "too young?" (LONG)
Have you talked to them and told them how you feel? They probably have no idea that you feel this way, or that they are acting this way.
My parents are young too (51 and 53) and act young too. In fact, today is my dad's birthday and next weekend he's going on some boys weekend cruise thing with a bunch of his friends... I find it odd, but like you said, they are happy!
And I bet the whole grandparent thing will change once they hold your LO!
ILs have begun acting this way since their youngest graduated college last year. They plan several international trips per year and have 'rediscovered' their relationship. It is cute to see it happen and see them happy. Even DH has noticed such a difference in them.
As for your parents, tell them how you feel. If you don't, they will never know. Maybe they can delay their trip by a month or so?
My mom will be 42 this year, step dad 34 and my dad 45 and step mom 38. They all think they are too young to be grandparents.
My grandma and great grandma are both still alive, and I am very close to them - and i have one great grandpa still alive, but I am not as close with him.
Needless to say, we are having troubles figuring out what everyone is going to be called, because we also have DH's parents and grandparents around.
No one has really seemed to be going nuts, they are just all really excited. The girls in my family start having kids right away (at my age, 23, most had 3 kids), so i think that is way everyone SEEMS okay.
to the OP.. i think your parents will come around, eventually. A lot of ladies on the bump say that they want to spend the first few weeks alone with baby.. so maybe your parents are just giving you space to let you and dad bond with baby.
My parents kind of hit that phase once I graduated high school (I'm the youngest) so they're already ready for the next stage. They will both turn 51 right after our LO is born but they seem completely excited about it. I think the only difference is that they kept friends their age - so that might be what is making your parents "too young".
My guess is that once your parents meet your LO, they'll find a happy medium for them. If that means they go on this trip right after meeting him/her, then I'm sure they'll return excited to see their grandbaby again. I think grandparenting will come as naturally to them as parenting will to you - with time.
SO my DH's dad and stepmom! They're young-ish (52), but not insanely young or anything. All my SMIL says is how she's "way too young for this," and the name she's going to be called has been a huge issue. They're quite wealthy and have already retired to Florida--so the funny thing is that they ACT older than my parents, who are in their mid-60s! Seriously, I'm talking early-bird specials here...
I guess it's all in their perception of themselves...
My parents are in their 50s, but I have another story for the OP
I am/was in the position that your LO is in. The grandchild of grandparents who think they are too young to be grandparents. My grandmother was 42 when I was born (she was 17 when she had my mom). My grandmother did not show up for my birth, didn't visit during my mom's week stay in the hospital post c-section. She lived 20 mins away, and we basically only saw her on birthdays and xmas. She was not involved in mine and my sister's life like all of our friend's grandparents were. I never had sunday dinner at gramma's, I never stayed the weekend with gramma........ I didn't really know the difference. It didn't even strike me until I met my DH and we saw his gramma all the time. But, it broke my mom's heart. She was always so disappointed by the situation.
Now my Aunt, is 12 yrs younger than my mother, and my Aunt's kids/my cousins are currently 2 and 4. Now they do all the gramma things with my grandmother that my sister and I never did. Stay the weekend, visit for the day, meals/dinners, etc. It still breaks my mom's heart that her mother was so distant to us as kids. But my mom doesn't let anyone know (she only confided in me once) and tries to just love my sister and I even more to make up for it.
I didn't mean to give you a sad story or the worst outcome, b/c I hope your parents will turn around and embrace your children fully. But, the point of telling you my story is that I wasn't sad as a child, b/c my mom gave us so much love, that we didn't miss anything by not having any grandparents in our lives. My mom was strong and loving. And if your parents don't embrace being grandparents, just love your child even more and they'll still be happy kids. GL and I hope they turn around
PP: I really am sorry your mom went through that.
But, we don't know at all that thats what the OPs situation is at all. Simply going out of town a week after the EDD doesn't = not being involved in the child's life.
My mom will only be able to stay around for about a week after I give birth. She's not from here and has to work. Trust me....she plans to be VERY involved, haha.
I feel your pain! My mom is 44 and thinks she's too young as well. It doesnt help that her fiance is 35 and has 2 younger kids. One of the reasons I wanted kids was because of the great relationship I had with her growing up. Our relationship has grown more and more distant since she started seeing her fiance. I am so excited to be having a LO and thought my mom would be too, but I've only seen her a hand full of times since I got that bfp and she only lives 10 min away! It does make me pretty sad, its hard to imagine not being there for your daughter when she's going through something as big as pregnancy. I just hope when LO comes she'll start being more involved. Good luck, I hope it works out for all of us!
My parents are 56 and they are having a great time. I'm the youngest and they started when I was 18-ish. They travel, take road trips, golf, spend time with friends etc. They have every right too, they raised their children. They are very involved with the grandkids (and soon to be grandchild), but I do not think there is anything wrong with them having fun. A lot of people say they are too young for grandkids (regardless of age), it is all how they feel and what they are into.
I have a feeling once the LO is born, they may feel be more involved. I, however, wouldn't fault your parents for "acting" young. Let them feel good and have fun!