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Northern California Babies
Mental blockage...kind of a vent?
I have now witnessed 4 births. I have seen my friends in positions that I never imagined seeing them in. Completely naked, totally animalistic.
And guess what?! It was *nothing*. It's not like when i see these people now i'm like giggling to myself "hehehe, I saw her girl parts!"
Yet, the thought of having A: doula, and B: photographer at my birth makes me really nervous. It isn't that I don't want them there. Because I really really do. I just have this fear that I'm going to be too self concious to let go and do what I need to do. I felt like my own hesitation in Grey's birth made it harder (self concious about making the kinds of noises i needed to make, which led to not listening to my body enough)...
I have seen two vaginal births with Teri as doula, and one without. I can truly say that I can see the difference that she makes and I can not imagine giving birth to my baby without her there. I am just not sure how to get past this mental block. I am hoping that maybe the hypnobabies course will help.
Anyway, thanks for reading. I just needed to put this out in the universe to try to let it go. This seemed as good a place as any to do it.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Mental blockage...kind of a vent?
NorCalMOMS bio* NorCalBOTB* babywearingBIO
Harmony Doula
Photo by Zemya Photography
Ok - so I didn't have a vaginal birth, but I would NOT have been so calm without you two there. Just knowing that if I lost it Teri was there to hold my hand and help me visualize the beach (nice choice, by the way) and advocate for us if needed - and knowing that you were going to document every moment you could actually allowed me to focus on doing what I needed/could do.
Also - I have no memory of Teri teaching us how to latch and getting feeding established. And those are some of my favorite shots from that day.
If it helps your block, I just thought of you guys as good friends (which you are) who were there to help out. You won't regret it. Not even a little bit.
I don't remember your birth story with Grey, but I truly believe that from what I know of you, you can get through this mental block. You know that birth is a natural process and I think just focusing on that will help you have the birth you want. Thousands of women do it, and we all do it differently- some scream, some don't, some pee or poop all over, some don't. Some stick their ass in the air and cuss like a sailor (that's me!) If you focus on the process and the event, I think that the other stuff might melt away... I think its AWESOME that you are aware of the concern- you have time to work on it. GL!
Warning: TMI ahead!
I totally relate to this. Our doula was someone I would have considered a friend beforehand. I'm not a super modest person, but I definitely had reservations about her seeing more of me than I would even choose to see of myself. But something about her manner made me completely relax in her presence, enough that I was not inhibited during labor and could do what I needed to do in order to get through a completely unmedicated vaginal birth. From what I've heard about Teri I can tell that she provides that same kind of comfort during labor. Holy hell, things moved so quickly during pushing that Mireille didn't have time to grab the warm towel and ended up supporting my perineum with her bare hands to minimize tearing.
...and I'm pretty sure that I even shat on her at one point.
I think I was so grateful for the sort of help she was providing me that any thoughts of what she was witnessing just went out the window. At one point just before I experienced transition I do remember waddling to the bathroom with her assistance and apologizing that she could see my bum since the robe was open in the back. She said something like, "Do you have any idea how many women's bottoms I've seen? This is what I do, and it's not a big deal at all." I knew that she was right and after that I truly didn't care anymore. We've seen eachother a handful of times since then and it's never felt awkward. Instead, it brought us a lot closer together. It sounds cheesy, but I almost feel like I am part of her clan or something now. I'm sure it will be the same way for you having Teri and Michelle there.I understand what you're feeling and had the same fears when I was planning for M's birth, but I am so glad that I put those fears aside and decided to use a doula. I can't tell you anything you don't already know, but it really did make such a difference in my birth experience. I also had a doula I knew from outside the birth experience and that made me a lot more comfortable - and from the flip side of things I never think in horror "agh S saw my girl parts!" when I see her now.
I've often wondered the same things that you've posted about...that although I love the idea of having a bigger support system, I'm not sure I could be myself enough to really have a baby, ya know? Between my own fears and the cost, it's probably not something that we'd get to do. I think if I had the funds, I would be able to get over my fears but I also think it'd bring up a whole host of new "worries". Like how will my husband feel if he's "replaced" by a doula? Or how will Dh feel about having someone all up in my business with a camera? He's not into graphic photography and although the pictures are very modest, he wouldn't get it.
With all that said, I really wish that I could have both: a doula (preferably Teri) and a photographer. I know that a doula would help be relax through the contractions rather than tense up like a huge ball of nerves - which is what happened last time.
Good luck KM! You'll do fabulous, I'm sure!
(now off to figure out how to afford maternity shots...because I'd sure love those too!)
My husband was so relieved when I decided to hire a doula - it took a lot of pressure off both of us and helped get rid of the feeling that we were going into the unknown alone. He went with me to an informational session on doulas so understood what kind of support they'd provide and how they wouldn't be "replacing" the husband in any sense. In fact, he was so glad to have her there that he strongly supported and encouraged me to have her at the birth of our second child as well.
The Blog | BirthbyKellyM
This is exactly why I want to work with Teri specifically. We have already been through 3 births together, so I feel like there is an unspoken connection/understanding...beyond her just being my friend.
The Blog | BirthbyKellyM
This is how I feel like we went into Grey's birth. I know that DH did the best he could to support me, but we were both so clueless. I've seen Teri work with husbands to guide them into how to be physically supportive. And i've seen her offer physical support so that hubby was free be emotional/mental support.
The Blog | BirthbyKellyM
Thanks!
The Blog | BirthbyKellyM
Yea I worried about that too. But if you have a good photographer you wont even remember they are there...(unless they need to take out a tounge ring or something!)
And the little embarrassment I may have felt was and is wayyyy outweighed by how amazing it is to have those pictures and the moments and emotion captured.
Seriously it means so much I would have a dude take the pics if I had no other choice...even a hot one!!
As far as having Teri there...if your heart says its right then go for it. If for some reason at the time of labor/delivery you change your mind you can always have her leave BUT if you want her there and she isnt..well there isnt much you can do about it!
Also I know for me I had to have an obsession...something to worry about leading up to a planned med-free labor. Makes sense that you would stress about photography since its a huge piece of your life.
Oh and you saw my lady parts!!
br
Even though my birth photographer is one of my closest friends, I was nervous too! I'm pretty modest, so the thought of having myself so exposed had me a bit nervous. But, in that moment (ok, hours...) I wasn't nervous at all. It was like all of those feelings went out the window and I was just so happy to have her (and everyone...DH, doctor, nurses) there to support me in the birth of my little girl. Meg did such an amazing job; in fact most of the time I forgot she was even there. The entire experience was wonderful from start to finish. Plus, my memories of that night have faded SO FAST, it's amazing to have my birth album to reflect back on.
Sorry, that got really long. Anyways, just wanted to offer some supportive words. Sounds like you have a great team lined up to support you and the birth of your little girl.
E