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Preemies
Poll: Most annoying things you hear
over and over.
Lavender posted in the whiney wednesday post that she's surprised the things people say. So what are the most annoying, repeated things you hear?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Poll: Most annoying things you hear
For me:
Regarding size-
"Ohhh.. he's so small!"
"But think of the extra use you get out of his clothes!"
when he was really tiny:
"How old?" I'd answer ::::STUNNED LOOK:::: Oh...uhh.. he's kinda... uh... small, huh?
Regarding health & development:
"oh, he'll be FINE!" (dismissively)
"So, is he walking yet?" (I answer no, they look uncomfortable.)
"Germs are good for him! They build a strong immune system." (Sure, if they don't kill him.)
"Well, I didn't crawl/walk/talk/whatever until I was 2 and I'm totally fine."
Regarding feeding:
"If he gets hungry enough, he'll eat."
"Maybe he's just not hungry."
"Have you tried giving him ice cream?"
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Don't kids need to get sick?
Your birth announcement picture was different, but no one expected it to be normal... (okay, i don't hear that one repeatedly, but the memory of it still stings)
Oh..this is an old one, but annoyed me enough I'll bring it up, too.
"So when he hits four pounds he can come home, right?"
Or
"So, is he coming home soon?"
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Forgot -
"At least you didn't have to be pregnant in this heat!"
and
"I'm sure he'll catch up."
"You are so lucky, you get to go home and sleep at night while nurses take care of her!"
"You are being paranoid."
Oh Heather, the sleep one is a good one. Yeah, cause we freaking slept!
I got this one in the NICU a bit "just think, you get to enjoy him on the outside instead of the inside." That's okay for a NICU parent to say, but no one else.
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"You're so lucky you didn't tear"
"You don't have to get up with a newborn at night, you're lucky the nurses take care of her"
"You don't know what it's like to be 'this' pregnant"
"What's wrong with her? Why is she so small?"
"She looks normal"
"You're so lucky that you lost your weight right away and could fit back in normal clothes"
Need help with high fat food ideas? Chunky Monkey
"My sisters, cousins, husbands, niece was a preemie, she was born at 36w6d." Really people?!
"I was a preemie x amount of years ago, and I'm fine." x = a really LONG time ago! And no, you're really NOT okay!
"She's so little!" No Sh!t! I hadn't noticed!
I know people mean well, but this one always got me
"So and so was a preemie and they're 6'4" and 200+ lbs"
I don't really want my baby girl to be *that* big
Need help with high fat food ideas? Chunky Monkey
The best one I get is.. "You can't keep using that preemie excuse."
Really? They're only 7 weeks or 1 week adjusted, sorry if I don't want you touching them/ to fly with them/ to take them out to the public..
She's so tiny!! ( she's 2 1/2...I'm tired of hearing this)
What was wrong with her hips? Will she be able to do normal things? ( DD was born with hip dysplasia and had to be in a pavolic harness for the first 6mo of her life...and I STILL get questions from daycare providers that have "heard" she was in this contraption")
I've been told my DH's grandmother that DS's delays are not due to prematurity but due to my being an "over-protective" mother. (She also adivsed me that being over-protective wasn't my fault though. Since I'm a first-time mom and I'm an only child, I don't know any better.)
UGGGHHHH!!!
Almost all of the above, but ESPECIALLY annoying to me were:
"He can come home when he's 5 lbs, right?" Sure, nevermind he can't coordinate his suck/swallow/breathe.
"Enjoy your sleep/rest while he's in the hospital" This one REALLY irritated me. Yeah, I'm really getting a lot of rest spending 8 hrs a day at the hospital, 3 hrs a day in the car going back and forth to the hospital twice a day, pumping all hours of the day and night all while recovering from surgery. Not to mention, barely able to sleep for fear the NICU would call with bad news at any hour of the day I wasn't there.
Thank you for this post, it felt SO good to get that off my chest!
i especially liked it when MIL told me that i had a very easy pregnancy, an easy delivery, and was lucky that DS was in the NICU because that way i could get more sleep. yeah, once you get past the whole infertility, high risk/bedrest/bleeding a TON, c-section, and trauma of the NICU, i suppose i did have it pretty easy. screw you crazy lady. and yes, i had the extreme pleasure of hearing this several times....
i'm also a big fan of the whole let him get sick so he builds his immunity idea. that's exactly what i was thinking when we were hanging out in the ER on christmas eve. but hey, at least his immune system is being built!
"he's so big!" (said with surprise) Yep, he is. But he's still a preemie. Guess what? Preemies don't stay 4 pounds forever.
BFP #2: 9/25/08; 10/27/08 - Blighted ovum discovered, 11/5/08 - b/o confirmed
BFP #3: 1/19/09 - Chemical Pregnancy
BFP #4: 2/12/09; EDD 10/26/09 - Richie born on 9/4/09 at 4 pounds, 10 ounces
BFP #5: 5/27/11; EDD 2/4/12 - Sylvia is on her way!
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due to pre-e I was seriously drugged up w/ #1 and don't remember his birth at all and everyone says well that's good then you don't remember any of the pain that goes along w/ it. Well frankly I'd like to remember when my son was born pain and all.
I also agree w/ the whole at least you get to go home and sleep at night. yea right I have to get up every 2-3 hours to pump.
I got the sleep one pretty often and hated it every time. As much as it sucks to get up at night with a newborn, it's a million times worse to have to leave your child in the NICU.
I don't know if anyone actually said this or if it was just implied, but it seems like someone indicated that a preemie must've been easier than normal to deliver vaginally. Riiiiiiiight.... It was "easy" to muscle through 11 hours of pitocin contractions with no epi (though that was my choice), then be told we needed a c-section, only to have DD come out about 3 contractions/10 minutes later!
"So do you know yet when she gets to come home?" (from her NICU days) No. I don't. If I did, that would've been the first thing I said to you and my face and voice would be filled with joy. As it is, I'm not filled with joy. I'm tired, stressed, scared, and sick of hearing that she's doing great and will be home 'soon' with no indication of when 'soon' is!
Thanks - this was an excellent idea for a vent/post!
For us it's :
"you'd never know he's a preemie- he looks "normal"- why don't you stop freaking out over everything and take him to a regular daycare...your being a little dramatic" Most of my friends tell me this on a daily basis...
Ugh...yes, we are fortunate that my child is a good height/weight and is caught up in almost all areas.. HOWEVER, he's showing the early signs of asthma; has been on the nebulizer 2x this winter for MINOR colds and will be qualifying for speech therapy soon. So...NO, I will NOT stop freaking out and will continue to be pro-active with my child.
Jacka$$e$....
ditto all of this!!
I hate this one:
"all our kids spit up"
"he's gigantic, you can't even tell he was a preemie"
"well it looks like that feeding tube sure is feeding him well, look at those chubby thighs" (this was from his doctor so i know she didnt mean it wrong but it still hurt)
"germs cant be that bad for him"
"i had a preemie. such and such was born 2 weeks early" really do people think that any baby born earlier than 40weeks is a preemie???
"better rest up now while he is in the NICU because when he comes home thats when the real work begins" really?????
"isnt it neat to see what he would have looked like in the womb? you get to see him grow on the outside!"
i have heard the gammit. people amaze me
oh and the best most hurtful one was "well ya know we didnt want to send cards of gifts when he was born because, well we didnt know what was going to happen. but now that we know he is ok i sent you a little something"- uhhh hello, i still had a baby. can we celebrate that instead of you waiting to see if he dies before you send a card or gift? people are sooo insensitive. so now i tell everyone that comment to make them aware that every preemies birth should be celebrated as if they were full term and healthy. it is the least the baby and mom deserve
Ditto to all the above! AND.....
1)"Using hand sanitizer can't be good. She needs to be exposed to some things." Okkkk, so that "some" thing can be RSV and we're back in the hospital intubated. Sounds like a good time.
2) "I already washed my hands when I came in, after lunch, etc" Yes, but then you talked on the phone, checked your email, changed the oil in your car, and played with the hamster. Uh, how bout washing again?
"You're going to have to eventually relax." This was said by my idiot @$$ mother in law. No you crazy booger-eating bozo I don't have to relax!! They are my children that cost us well over $20k just to bring into this world so when you have that bill to pay, you can tell yourself to relax.
Oh my gosh. These made me do everything from laugh to roll my eyes to break my heart! I'm glad you girls posted this so I can be prepared for when those comments come my way.
So far all we have gotten is a lot of 'when is he coming home?' but other than that people have been mindfull.
new wife, we get the same thing about his chubby thighs and the tube, too. I know they mean it well, but it honestly makes me sad every time they say it.
No one said anything to me about him dying at first, but LATER, several people made horrible comments. My grandma was absolutely the worst. Her words, and I quote "I wouldn't have given a plug nickel he'd have survived."
I said "Well, it's good to know you were betting against him, grandma. Glad to hear you were thinking positively." I was *FUMING*
I'm not sure I'll ever forgive her for that.
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When one was in the NICU I heard
"At least you'll have time to get into a routine with one at home before they are both home" - Yes, because I wasn't spending every minute that I was home thinking I should be at the hospital and vice versa, plus cursing the time in the car when I wasn't with either of them.
-that the pictures I had of him with monitors and tubes 'didn't count' because my MIL didn't feel she could show them to friends so she only showed pictures of our take home baby. I still haven't forgiven her for that.
And when he came home I kept getting comments about how one was smaller than the other as though I couldn't notice this myself.
When they were in the NICU, I hated:
"When are they coming home?"
"Sleep while you can."
And now I hate:
"They are so small!"
"Are you breastfeeding?"
"Wow a boy and a girl, now you are done!"
Brady Phoenix, 8.29.09
Claire Zoe, 10.26.10
Another annoying thing that MIL has said a few times is that they will be "ahead in their development since they were preemies." WTF??
They held their heads up at very early ages, just because that happened to be what they did, so she figured it was because they had more time to learn or something...???
Brady Phoenix, 8.29.09
Claire Zoe, 10.26.10
"When are you going to get over the whole preemie thing? She isn't a preemie anymore."
Yeah, I'm just going to forget the whole thing happened.
"Oh, I was a preemie too because I weighed 4 pounds."
That drives me nuts. Weight does NOT a preemie make. People are so effing stupid it kills me.
She's getting so big, are you sure she's still a preemie??
She's so little (yes, she is small still for her age)
I'm sure she will be fine.
I'm sure there is more.
"She looks like a normal baby only tiny"
"Aww look how tiny. How old? " My reply "omg, but she's so small."
"You should have that tiny baby out in this weather" Okay well then next time I have to run to the store I'll call you the random stranger to watch her. Like really wth leave me and my baby alone shes fine and I bundle her up!
DD is almost 22 months old (actual age), and we still hear all the time "OMG, she's soooo tiny, what's wrong with her?" Uh, she was a preemie. Also, she struggles with eating table foods and various textures, so we hear things like "Oh, just feed her grease and ice cream to plump her up." We'd like to feed our child healthy foods, thank you!
During DD's NICU stay, the worst thing we heard was "at least you get this time in the hospital, then when you take her home the real difficulty arises!" um, all the stress/emotion/recovery of an emergency c-section, HELLP/pre-e recovery, failure to thrive/eat, meds, monitors, leeds, certainly doesn't make adjusting to life as a new parent any easier!
I don't blame you one bit if you didn't forgive her. What a horrible horrible thing to say, no matter how old Robbie was or how robust he was when she said it.
Ditto these.
Also, when Evan came home weighing only 3lbs 8oz people would ask "Is that a real baby?" and then go get their friend and drag them over to see him.
Are they twins? (um... Duh?)
Are they eating yet?