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Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months
ShanJosh777
member
NTR: Do you think marriage is hard?
ShanJosh777
member
A FB "friend" is posting in great detail all the drama going on between her and her H. A lot of people commented saying things like, hang in there, marriage is hard. Or, trust me, I know how hard marriage is.
Do you think marriage is "hard" or do you think that these people are married to the wrong person? I guess I always thought my marriage was hard because it just wasn't right and my H didn't care about it nearly as much as I did. I never pictured marriage in general being hard if you are with the right person. I understand that it takes work and there will be hard times. But do you think that, overall, it is hard?
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Re: NTR: Do you think marriage is hard?
Not at all.
In fact, our marriage is rather easy. Things have fallen into place quite nicely and I don't feel like we have to "work" at anything to keep it going.
We're very lucky in that respect.
I always thought marriage would be easy b/c you'd marry your best friend/soul mate, everything would click, you're so happy together, it's just a bonus to be married and live together and have kids. It would be a lifetime party.
Damn was I wrong. Marriage is HARRRRRRRRDDDDD! I don't know if it's b/c I married the wrong person or if that's just the way it is but I do believe now that for any 2 people living a life together it is not going to be easy.
In some regards yes. Living in harmony with another person, unless you are mindless and don't have an opinion is hard. But when you have 2 people with strong opinions then there is more...lets call it passion, lol. I don't mean in a romantic way. I think our "passion" fuels the hot part of our marriage and challenges us to keep the spark alive. Sometimes it is challenging, hard to love DH, never...hard to get along, sometimes. If anyone says it is totally easy, IMP is either lying or complacent.
Do you think it has to do with the # of years together?
We have been together 10 years and did not live together before hand so newly married getting used to the others habits was indeed hard. It is easier as the years go by but by no means easy 100% of the time.
i've only been married 2 1/2 years, but it's been the best choice i ever made. not hard in any way.
i do wonder though, when i look at my parents who've been married for 32 years, if there's a point where it's like eh... you're still here? so maybe it is hard if you've been doing it for decades. for for right now, no. not even remotely.
ETA: and trust me, this does NOT make me complacent, ahem.. JAR. we fight, duh. who doesn't? we disagree, we argue. it's still not hard to love my H and only my H each and every day.
I wonder about this all the time. My parents have been married for 31 years. I will make it a point to ask them this question!
I think it depends on the situation. I would love to speak to a married couple that hasn't at one time in their marriage said it wasn't hard. I also wouldn't say it's the marriage that could be hard but everything that makes it up.
New parents to babies or pets, bills, remodeling projects, chemistry...all of those things can make a marriage hard in my opinion. Toss everything in at once, sure it would be hard for me! We started remodeling our kitchen with a 2 week old baby. Tell me that wouldn't have been hard on any of you!
This is exactly how I feel. We have our rough times, but I'll take those over being without DH.
Not at all. I think if it's really that hard then there's something not quite right in the relationship.
This is silly, but I was watching the SATC movie last night and the part where Miranda asks Charlotte if she's happy every day and she says "I"m not happy every minute of the day, but yes, I'm happy everyday" -- that's how I feel. I think is so sad when people are happy in their marriage every day
eta: i also agree with cali - i'm not complacent by any means. i'm very opinionated and strong willed and so is DH (although he's a lot more laid back in general than me). we argue and fight, but that just leads to awesome make up sex
really though, every night we talk a little before going to sleep and kiss each other good night.
No. Marriage isn't hard. Dealing with schedules and exhaustion and school and work and craaaazy is hard. But marriage isn't. I don't know what I'd do without him as a sounding board and a voice of reason.
When we first brought Jo home we had to go through the typical changes you do when you bring a new person into a situation where there was once only 2. We also had to discuss new expectations and changing roles etc... but my marriage is honestly the easiest part of my life. He's my best friend, my constant source of support, and will drop everything if I ask him for help. I'll do the same for him.
I think marriage can be hard at times, during certain phases of life. For example, I think most of faced a little more stress when our babies were first born.
I'm coming up on 7 years this summer and while it's not always easy, I wouldn't have it any other way. My dh and I know each other so well at this point and have reached a place of comfort and familiarity that I love. We do have to make an effort to reconnect every so often, but I'm pretty sure that's normal.
On a day to day basis, definitely not. I love being married to my DH and don't find the daily requirements of being married and everything that comes along with it hard.
What I do think is hard is when you hit stressful patches and have to more actively work on being a good husband/wife. Everybody has up and downs in their marriage and sometimes it's stuff that happens beyond your control. When my DH took a new job 2 years into our marriage that required a lot of hours (like 80+ a week) and a ton of travel, it was stressful on our marriage. I also got really sick after coming off BCP (went into a pp like depression for a few months) and then had a m/c shortly after and that put stress on us. I think those are the points where you can either put your head down and actively work hard to keep your marriage happy or throw your hands up in the air and just resign yourself to being unhappy in marriage.
Sometimes. I think most relationships have ups and downs.
I can be a hot-head. I have to remind myself about my lack of patience. That's all on me. DH knows my faults and is laid back enough to roll with the punches.
That said, we're not really "fighters". We typically fight fair: no raised voices, no name calling, no nasty insults. Stick to the fight at hand.
My family, we're screamers. DH's isn't.
But some people love drama, so why would their marriage be different. Other people marry the wrong person. And sometimes, life happens.
I posted this same thing once.
I think some marriages probably are hard. And some are probably good marriages but they require more effort.
Luckily, mine is quite easy. I attribute it to us having dated for 6 years before getting married. There were no surprises. For us, being married is so much easier than dating!
Yes! This is exactly what I wanted to say but couldn't find the words.
I was just going to answer "yes", but this says it better
Logan David 03.27.08
Jacob Riley 05.18.09
{Member since 2007}
yeah, *touch wood* i've never thought marriage was hard or a lot of work. but that's my marriage.
i have many a friend who've married someone that they fight with ALL THE TIME, even though they have many similar underlying interests. the fighting is what makes their marriage work. and sometimes not work. One friend was talking to me about how much they hated their DH at the time, and I was suggesting all manner of things, and she was like "no, you'll know when you're married" (i was living with DH, then FI, at the time). i was like "um, no, i'm not marrying a jackhole that treats me like crap, but whatevs."
Before DS, I would have said it was easy. But after DS was born, I would say that I definitely have to put more effort in to not being too critical and getting along. Sleep deprivation would often make me more on edge and make him on edge. I have had to make an effort to communicate with him about things instead of silently being mad and its harder to get a date night out.
DD #1 passed away in January 2011 at 14 days old due to congenital heart disease
DD#2 lost in January 2012 at 23 weeks due to anhydramnios caused by a placental abruption
I don't think it's hard, but I do think it takes work and daily commitment to be the best spouse to each other that you can be. I don't think most people are married to the wrong person, but I think people are selfish by nature and tend to "fall out of love" easily if the effort is not put in daily. I also think we live in a "I want what makes me happy NOW" society and people think divorce is the easy solution for "not being happy". I'm not saying people should stay in loveless, unhappy marriages, but I think people jump ship too quickly and for the wrong reasons frequently.
I am not happy with my DH 100% of the time, but I am happy to be his wife and I am committed to making our marriage work.
Yes marriage is Hard Work...but not just plain hard....if it is just plain hard - then I would think something could be wrong...
But is marriage smooth and easy all the time - no! There are rough patches, and bumps, and occasionally bruises (not physical violence) but hurt feelings...but you work through it and keep moving forward. This is how you grow within the marriage.
When you get married you are in one stage...but as you get older you should be growing and getting wiser - as should your marriage...this is where the rough patches come into play. These are growing pains that I think all marriages go thru. If you dont have them - then I would have to agree with the previous post that either your not growing or maybe you are complacent.
I think the important thing to remember is when you are hitting these rough spots it is normal...and it will pass. Also, you need to really evaluate during this time...are you the one in the rough spot or is your DH. If its you - ask yourself what is going on with YOU to make you feel xyz...and if its DH - remember to stay open and communicate with him and see if you can get to the root of the problem. You must remember your both not going to be on 10 all the time...sometimes you will be at 2 and him at 8 and vice versa...the time to get really worried is when you are both at 2 - then you need to do some quick evaluation of your marriage and get to the root of the problem....
Last but not least - if you do get into an argument / fight (not physical) then you need to know how to do it fairly. Me and my DH has what we call "Rules of Engagement" - these are 10 basic rules we use when we are arguing...no low blows...we cant bring up past arguments...no talking about our mommas / family....our big one is NO WALKING OUT...and of course our oldie but goody - no going to bed mad. There are more - but those are some of our big ones...
I hope this helps answer the question in general...is marriage hard...you damn straight it is - I think the real question is - is your marriage worth the work...I know mine is....
Yes, I think marriage is VERY hard. It would be a lot easier if my husband didn't act like a spoiled brat most of the time. He acted like a grown up until Ian came along, and then it was like I had two children.
I'm sure if I were married to someone else they'd do plenty to piss me off, so maybe I would just be better off not married and have boyfriends all over town.
I think marriages go through hard times but aren't necessarily hard all of the time. We have been married 4 years and there have been challenges as we have faced career changes and financial difficulties, however I would not say that our marriage takes a lot of work on a continual basis.
It took work to get back to being us after DD was born. We had to both make a conscious effort to engage in our relationship and not be just mom and dad. We work at making time for each other as we have crazy schedules, and genuinely enjoying each others interests even if isn't something we particularly enjoy.
To me, marriage isn't hard but it can certainly be challenging at times!!
m/c at 13 weeks - March 23, 2011
DH and I were together for 5 years before getting married and lived together forever (we've been together a total of 10 years, this year). I do think that has something to do with the ease of our marriage also.
It depends on what stage you're in and what you want out of it. I think if you want a really good, strong, solid marriage, it takes much work, flexibility, forgiveness, kindness and maturity. If you just want to be able to say you're married or just "don't want to be alone," then you're just kind of in a marriage but not really present.
Also, personality plays a huge role...it is some people's preference to do things the hard way. Some people like drama, intensity, etc whereas others are very laid back and just would not be in a marriage that takes a whole lot of maintenance. That said, lots of people (not ALL, but lots) who think they have perfect or easy marriages are in a state of willfully ignorant bliss - they are shocked to discover 2-3 mistresses, another family on the side, shady business dealings their spouse is involved in etc.
I don't think it is hard at all, at least not for us. But I do feel that I have been blessed with a husband who is very sweet, easy-going, and extremely hard working both at his profession and with raising our DS. I married a good man who is very mature and responsible.
I also think we are VERY lucky in that we are both healthy, doing well in our respective careers, and part of amazing families. I think our marriage would be a lot harder if we had money problems or family issues. A lot of my friends have troubles in their marriages because of money or ex-wifes, kids from a first marriage, or PITA in-laws.
Nothing worth having is ever easy peesy all the time. However, if you can't go home & find solice in your relationship at the end of the day I think things might need to be worked on. DH & I have our moments, sure we do. But I know that at the end of the day, no matter what is going on, I can go home & find a loving man who respects me & looks forward to seeing me as much as I do him. That all the little things we fight about are unimportant and can be worked on.
Now some relationships need more work because there are bigger issues. If there are bigger issues than your DH doesn't take out the garbage unless you ask him too, well than yeah it's gonna be hard.
I think marriage, like any realationship, is what you make of it.
I also think that talking about your marital problems on FB for all to see is childish. This isn't highschool.