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Do drs ever prepare couples adequately for a miscarriage? (graphic)

babydragonsisterbabydragonsister
in Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

As I draw close to the due date of our second, I find myself thinking about our first little guy (Zeke) non-stop.  We lost him at 13 weeks.  We were told (by 2 different dr.s) that his heart had stopped and that we should go home and expect a heavy, painful period.  They in no way prepared us for: 3 days of terrible cramping, followed by hours and hours of excruciating contractions, ridiculous amounts of blood, fluid, and tissue, and an actual birth of a tiny, tiny child.  At the time, it didn't occur to us to speak up to our doctors (wtf? that was NOT a period, you idiots.....).  Now, however, I have heard a couple of women tell similar stories and it leads me to ask: WHAT were these doctors thinking?? 

Does anyone know of any formal information site or anything where couples expecting a miscarriage or a stillbirth can go to prepare for what is about to happen?  There are 10 million things out there to find out about how the birth of our 2nd might go, but the birth of a healthy (we hope) child is quite a bit less traumatic than a miscarriage or stillbirth...one would think that there would be resources. 

Thanks for letting me vent, and I'd love to hear your story and whether or not anyone adequately prepared you.....

 

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Re: Do drs ever prepare couples adequately for a miscarriage? (graphic)

  • pepomntpatpepomntpat member

    That is horrible and I am sorry you had to go through that. I can't imagine any doctor would think a m/c at 13 weeks would be like a heavy period. Maybe at 5 weeks, but at 13? WTF?

    I was given an D&E at 9 weeks and every time I read a story like yours I am so glad I opted for the surgery.  I think m/c in general is either a taboo subject or such a routine thing that doctors don't even think of it.  Sites like this can be helpful for finding real stories, but imho doctors fall painfully short.

    {{hugs}} to you and again I am so, so sorry.

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  • michroccmichrocc member

    I agree with you!  My Dr. told me to expect a "heavier than normal" period and some cramping, which he gave me pain pills for.  I was at 10w3d and the baby measured 6w6d. 

    I lost TONS of blood for close to 12 hours.  I nearly fainted multiple times.  I was incredibly weak.  My husband literally had to carry me to the sofa after each "bout" at one point.  It was terrifying.  We were thisclose to taking me to the ER but I didn't even think I could ride in the car.  Luckily, for me, the pain pills worked.  But the bleeding was very intense. 

    I felt weak and nauseous for close to a week afterward.  I finally contacted my Dr. and asked him about my anemia, because I wondered if the blood loss had impacted it.  He was like "Oh, yeah!  Probably."  Thanks, jerk. 

    It would have been nice to have been prepped for this ahead of time.  I know that every woman is different, but I recall literally asking him exactly what would/could happen and he said "heavy period."  At no point did he check my records and say "Looks like you have anemia.  It might get worse after the m/c so we better get you on some iron supplements..."

    Sorry to be memememememe with this post.  I just understand completely what you're saying. 

    T&P

    BFP#1 10/19/09, m/c 12/5/09, BFP#2 2/03/12, m/c 2/12/12, BFP#3 3/18/13, LO born 11/22/13

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  • LuckyHLuckyH member

    I'm really sorry that you had to go through that.  I was lucky that my dr did prepare me and then asked if I'd rather have a D&C.  I opted for the D&C.  I started bleeding a few days before the surgery and he had me come in for a progesterone shot so that I wouldn't actually m/c beforehand.

    I'm so sorry for your loss.

    imageimageimageimage m/c at 8w4d - 10/2/09 baby girl Ruth Elise
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  • hking76hking76 member
    I replied to your other post, but wanted to respond to this one regarding preparing.  My doctor did prepare me for some things, but they were even surprised by how long it took my body to respond to the induction drugs (I was admitted Monday night and delivered Thursday afternoon).  I do feel I was the exception to the rule, as I'm lucky to have a great dr. 
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  • grr_aarghgrr_aargh member

    You know, I wasn't adequately prepared for my first one, but the physician I had when I induced my 2nd miscarriage did a good job of preparing me. . .  physically.

    Nobody said "Once the physical part is over your hormones will crash in a way you never understood possible."

    Welcome to the world, Baby Grr!

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  • itsmevkbitsmevkb member

    I can't believe that you were allowed to miscarry at home at 13 weeks.

    I was 14 weeks when I found out that my baby had died.  He measured 14 weeks and I delivered him in the hospital and was told that it would be unsafe to do so at home.

    As for was I prepared, I can say that the hospital staff was unbelievably kind and helpful.  I didn't really feel any physical pain so that was good and they dealt with my emotional pain very well.

    However, my ob/gyn's office was horrible with dealing with the miscarriage.  My doc was on vacation when we found out so I had to see a doctor I'd never seen before.  She was not very kind and basically told us that I needed a D&C.  Then she proceeded to try and schedule it for that afternoon despite my telling her that I was on blood thinners (which you should be off of for 24 hours prior to any surgery).  So, when she finally figured it out that it couldn't be done that day I was sent home and she called me later to say that she was having a very hard time finding time in her schedule to do a D&C.  She actually told me that I couldn't expect her to re-arrange all her patients to do "one little procedure."  Because she couldn't schedule it she said that I should go to the hospital and be induced.  In the end I began bleeding heavily and had no choice but to go to the hospital and deliver the baby (and like you said, it was a very little baby but a baby nonetheless, not just tissue) but I will never, ever forget how thoughtless and cruel those doctor's words were.  No-one should have to go through what we've been through and if they have to they should be treated with compassion.

    Kelly, Mom to Christopher Shannon 9.27.06, Catherine Quinn 2.24.09, Trey Barton lost on 12.28.09, Therese Barton lost on 6.10.10, Joseph Sullivan 7.23.11, and our latest, Victoria Maren 11.15.12

    Secondary infertility success with IVF, then two losses, one at 14 weeks and one at 10 weeks, then success with IUI and then just pure, crazy luck.  Expecting our fifth in May as the result of a FET.

    This Cluttered Life

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