Is it tacky to throw our own baby shower?

jolibebe · January 2010

I searched but couldn't find this anywhere, sorry if this has been asked recently. Both our families live either out of town or out of state. My mom lives 4.5 hours away. She is throwing us a party where she lives. My closest friend is frantically putting her wedding together...wedding is around the time of our delivery... and I'm understandably not on her priority list. But, there is no one here in our city to throw us a shower. DH thinks he has enough co-workers and friends to invite to a shower. Is it rude to throw your own co-ed shower? This is our first baby and we have no idea how to work this out. Any thoughts and/or ideas?

msditz00 · January 2010

Rude and tacky.

BelhurstBride · January 2010

Yes.

IrishBrideND · January 2010

Yes. Its beyond tacky. You don't "need" to have a shower in the town you live in. We did not. We had them in our hometowns because thats where people offered to have them.

If your friends want to throw one, they will. If not, they won't. Just let it be.

MNgirl326 · January 2010

yes it is tacky. sorry

Dreamsicle23 · January 2010

Technically yes...but I had friends who did it and honestly no one questioned it. Maybe you can do all the planning, but ask your friend call herself the host so no one really knows.

CaitlinJ22 · January 2010

if you do, dont call it a shower, and say NO presents. just have a fun before the baby comes party. Otherwise it looks greedy IMO.

you never know if someone is planning on surprising you either....

tre777 · January 2010

You opened the flood gates my dear. You will get a lot of feedback on this.

BTW, I hope you end up having a fun shower anyways!

m3l0d1 · January 2010

I have a friend who her husband threw a baby shower for her, twice!

One for their 1st and the other one for their 2nd child, even though both of the kids are girls.

To OP, you can always throw a meet a baby party after the baby is born.

PS: I live in Frisco too ...

jolibebe · January 2010

Thanks for your honesty. I was only asking because DH thinks those he'd invite would like to attend and celebrate and be happy for us. But no one is close enough that we think would offer to throw it for us.

KatelynRae · January 2010

Dreamsicle23:
Technically yes...but I had friends who did it and honestly no one questioned it. Maybe you can do all the planning, but ask your friend call herself the host so no one really knows.

If you really want one in the town you live in, then do this. But, I still think throwing yourself a shower is very tacky.

Jasmine1082 · January 2010

What about throwing a "meet the baby party" when LO is here?
Just buy yourself the essentials you'll need for the first 8 wks or so.

Legally Nads · January 2010

Yes, but you CAN have a "Meet the Baby" party after the baby arrives, without an expectation of gifts (although many people will bring them anyways). Just make sure to not put the registry information on the invite. People will also probably send you gifts after you send out the birth announcement (again, without registry info-- they can ask your family or you personally if they want to know).

tre777 · January 2010

erikanwalter:
Thanks for your honesty. I was only asking because DH thinks those he'd invite would like to attend and celebrate and be happy for us. But no one is close enough that we think would offer to throw it for us.

If I lived by you, I would throw you a shower. Why not celebrate the arrival of a little baby? Big Smile

mrs.mulrine · January 2010

I'm sorry! I'm not even going to get a shower! But the idea pp had about your friend putting her name on it and you planning doesn't sound bad. GL! I hoe you have a good shower!

amy0105 · January 2010

I would host more of a "last hurrah" type party instead of a baby shower...

Or if you really want a shower, see if your friend will put her name on everything if you do the work to make the shower...

akl0506 · January 2010

hmm..maybe not the best idea. you could have a meet the baby party (no gifts/gift registries should be mentioned) after the baby gets here...but then you still have to buy all the baby necessities before he/she gets here.

good luck!

maryenap · January 2010

I so know how you're feeling. Although I've had many ask when it is, no one wants to step up and throw it! So frustrating!

It would be tacky, but things are changing. Who knows it may be the wave of the future!

IrishBrideND · January 2010

Having your friend put her name on it while you throw it doesn't change the intent/rudeness. All it does is change the appearance.

Asking people for gifts for yourself (which is what happens when you throw your own shower) is rude.

Do a meet the baby party if you want to celebrate with others.

kirkette · January 2010

Absolutely.

jolibebe · January 2010

Thanks guys! I'm surprised at some of the responses. This is our first baby, we don't have experience and/or knowledge yet. It was just a question. We are not doing it for the gifts, we are not expecting anything and we can more than afford to take care of anything we need for the baby. It was more just to celebrate and a reason to get together. We will go ahead and just do a meet and greet the baby afterwards.

VampyAuthor · January 2010

I think it is, yes.

WinesNotWhines · January 2010

Yes, sorry. It is tacky.

themrs830 · January 2010

We are bending the rules and throwing ourselves a "baby showoff" after the baby is born. Its going to be a casual outdoor cookout after the baby and also celebrating DH's birthday. Gifts are NOT AT ALL going to be required and we won't be referring to a registry or anything- however, through word of mouth, these people who are invited know its in place of a baby shower, and they are DH's friends and co-workers so I know some of them will bring gifts and they will be much appreciated. But more so, its an excuse for DH to have fun with his friends outside a baby shower and for his birthday, and it'll give everyone a chance to see the baby. If you are going to throw yourself a party, you can't really expect gifts, and most people think its rude to call it a "baby shower." (I don't agree and think that rule is ridiculous- you throw yourself a birthday party that usually includes and "means" gifts, but whatever)

mrs.mastro · January 2010

We are in pretty much the same situation. But to top it off, DH will also be out of town for 4 months before the baby arrives, and he is the one who actually has any friends here (we just moved this summer). Anyway, I told two of his friends' wives that I would not be having a shower here (they asked), and they both offered to throw me a small one so I could at least have a little party with my handful of friends. Are you sure there isn't anyone there who would like to throw you one?

IrishBrideND · January 2010

Actually, PP, i think throwing yourself a bday party is just as rude (for the reason you mentioned).

muffie1303 · January 2010

I think it's tacky. We're not having a shower, since my family is all in Michigan, and I'm in Scotland. After LO is born, my mom/sil are throwing us a co-ed sprinkle, when we fly back home.

If you can't have one in the city you're in, wait until you're around family. I'm sure they'll do something for you. But definitely don't throw one yourself!

tessab2515 · January 2010

Super tacky and greedy to throw yourself a shower. I agree with others, if anything throw a meet the baby party, but be sure to indicate no gifts. If people want to buy you gifts they will (and most likely they will). I've never gone to see a new baby without bringing a gift. However, you'll most likely just clothes and not the larger items. Could your parents or in-laws? I don't usually like when mothers throw them for their own children, but I think it's better than doing it for yourself.

ChristinaD09 · January 2010

Yes, tacky. Though it sounds like it won't be a problem financially if you don't get one in the area where you live, so obviously no big deal. I would definitely just go with the meet-and-greet.

I'm sorry that no one has offered one in your own town--brides tend to get so wrapped up in what they're doing.

CrysBo79 · January 2010

I have a friend of a friend who had a diapers and beer bash and I guess they got like 7 cases of diapers. you could do something like that!

ChristinaD09 · January 2010

IrishBrideND:
Actually, PP, i think throwing yourself a bday party is just as rude (for the reason you mentioned).

I don't necessarily think its rude, but then again NO ONE in our group of friends would show up with presents for an adult birthday party. If you expected gifts, then please grow up.

jolibebe · January 2010

tessab2515:
Super tacky and greedy to throw yourself a shower. I agree with others, if anything throw a meet the baby party, but be sure to indicate no gifts. If people want to buy you gifts they will (and most likely they will). I've never gone to see a new baby without bringing a gift. However, you'll most likely just clothes and not the larger items. Could your parents or in-laws? I don't usually like when mothers throw them for their own children, but I think it's better than doing it for yourself.

Tessa, I did clearly state before your post that we were not doing it/nor expecting gifts so how is that "greedy?" I also said parents and in-laws are either 4.5 hours out of town from us or out of state, that's the problem.

I'm not sure if people are reading my posts all the way. Sorry for the misunderstanding. As I said, we have a learning curve, first baby and that's why I'm here. Just to ask questions and get help and see if I can help others too.

ChristinaD09 · January 2010

Your family is throwing you one though, right? I thought you said originally they were. At least you'll have that!

JG362009 · January 2010

Just throw a part for you guys and your friends (I love the "last hurrah before the baby") and put "No gifts, please" on the invites. You'll get to hang out and have fun but no one will think you're just trying to get gifts. Or don't even register so there's no suspicion that you're being tacky.

DebbieJS77 · January 2010

It's weird that it is considered rude to throw yourself a shower because people give themselves weddings all the time where people bring presents. I wonder what the difference is as far as ettiquette.

I think the "meet and greet" idea is a great idea.

balibaby · January 2010

I like the diapers and beer bash party that someone else suggested! Pretty hilarious IMO. You may get a shower thrown for you at your work, I did. I think you asked the question from an honest place, don't let some of the responses upset you too much.

IrishBrideND · January 2010

DebbieJS77:

It's weird that it is considered rude to throw yourself a shower because people give themselves weddings all the time where people bring presents. I wonder what the difference is as far as ettiquette.

I think the "meet and greet" idea is a great idea.

I have mixed feelings about weddings in regards to that issue. But at least with weddings, the reception is supposed to be about the guests and for the guests as a thank you. A shower, on the other hand, is about the mom. Plus, a wedding is not inherently about gifts, where as that is the point of a shower.

But I do see your point. I see weddings as a slightly grey area.

thomas&lynn · January 2010

Sooo not cool.

Throw a meet-the-baby thing when LO gets here instead. People may (or may not) bring litlte things and meet the new kiddo and you won't look greedy.

H4'sFan · January 2010

YES!!!!

jolibebe · January 2010

ChristinaD09:
Your family is throwing you one though, right? I thought you said originally they were. At least you'll have that!

Yes they are. It's not about that and not about the presents. We would not have put where we are registered on an invite if we had decided to throw our own shower. We understand that if someone really wants to do something they will. But it's certainly not expected. This is our first baby and DH is very excited and wanted to share in the moment with his friends and co-workers that are happy for him. Now we know to just throw a meet and greet after the baby. We didn't know about that and just knew of showers. Lesson learned.

MWoodside · January 2010

VERY tacky.

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