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Babies: 3 - 6 Months
How has having a baby effected your relationship
When DD was first born DH was great and it made me love him even more to see him with her. Lately though I do not know if he is going through some adjustment or what. He hardly spends time with her unless I hand her to him or ask him to. He claims that she cries whenever they are alone. His attitude in general has really changed and it is upsetting me. He makes sarcastic comments daily about how marriage and kids suck. He claims he is just stressed because money is tighter because I have been working part time to stay home with DD. I will be going back full time next month. He just is not himself lately and it really hurts. He is not young and he wanted a baby just as much as I did. She is 5 months now I feel like he should be adjusted to having a baby by now.
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Re: How has having a baby effected your relationship
It's been really hard on us. He is a great father and he helps me out alot. But we still need to learn to work on us more and to put us first.
ETA: Don't ever stop talking. Even if it's arguing it's better than not communicating. Hang in there. Maybe go out for date night so you two can connect again and also let him spend a little time alone with LO to bond. My DH makes comments about marriage but never about having a kids. Whenever a friend gets engaged he says "Welcome to sucky town" I know him well enough to know he is joking and so does everyone else. Maybe your DH is joking and you are just being extra sensitive? I notice after having LO I can't handle most of DHs little jokes. GL!
it's been really hard on us too. he is great with LO - he's been home for about a month b/c law school gets 5 weeks off for Christmas break - and that's been great for them since he never really had much time for LO before that.
but I am literally never in the mood and sex still hurts, so we've only had it twice pp. he is really upset about this, but the 2 times we had it, I almost died. I blame it on BFing. I know I need to just suck it up, but I'm really not in the mood for experiencing pain voluntarily. what's even sadder is that pre-baby, I had a huge sex drive. poor DH!
We have good days and really bad days. I try not to be so hard on him, I realized that I am a perfectionist and expect him to KNOW what I expect. It's easier when I make a list of issues and expectations. That way we are on the same page, if we disagree I will point out that I asked him to do something x days ago and it helps.
Things are really hard especially since we are looking to buy a house. The stress of saving and planning, plus having the baby - it gets to be too much sometimes.
I try to lighten things up from time to time and just have stupid fun. For example sometimes we will play wrestle for an hour and not even realize. Laughing helps us calm down from the day to day frustrations.
My husband started to act like this when DD was about 2 months!
He was a freakin miserable person to be around! His job was really stressful around then and I know it had a lot to do with it!
But he would do the same thing with DD! He'd say, "See she cries with me! She only likes you!"
So one day I sat him down and said, "Ya know, this is life! This is what we wanted remember? Life gets crazy and hard sometimes but it's what it's all about!" It was a long converstation but I basically said you need to get over it because I'm not going to be miserable! You need to be happy we have a healthy wonderful daughter and start being part of our lives!
It took a week or two but he finally realized all those things and has been great ever since!
I hope the same happens to you!
Emotionally we are better than ever.
Physically things suck. We've had sex once since Henry was born.
DH was a great support system when I was going through the baby blues and constant BFing issues. Sex still sucks, only did it twice pp because it hurts like hell, I'm seeing my OB this Friday for my check-up and will demand something to help!!!!
BFP#2 ~ 8/2/11, EDD 4/11/12, D&C 9/12/11 at 9w5d
BFP#3 ~ 4/15/12, EDD 12/21/12 ~ DD born 12/22/12
we need to make more time for just the two of us....over the holidays all of our "date nights" were used to go to parties that friends had, so we spent a lot of those times talking to separate people, etc. any other outings are obviously one of us going out with friends while the other stays home with LO, so we really need to reconnect...i can feel the difference over the past few weeks.
i may see if he wants to do that this weekend, actually. no time like the present.