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3rd Trimester
NHnative71
member
Mom in delivery room?
NHnative71
member
Will you have your mom in the delivery room with you? I know this is a personal decision but I'd like some opinions. I need to decide soon about whether to invite my mom to be there. I thought it might be helpful to have her there because I worry about DH's stamina and ability to cope during L&D (he's squeamish). But, I have never been close with my mom and have been very disappointed by her lack of interest/excitement about our baby. On the other hand, she is a doctor (Pediatrician) so in some ways it might be comforting to have her there for L&D especially if anything clinical comes up. I know she won't pass out like DH says he might if I have to have an epi or a C-section! Then again, I suspect that I will want her to be "nurturing mom" not "clinical mom..." and nurturing has never been her strength.
In final 2 WW after 1st injectible IUI cycle with gonadotropins, Gonal-F. IUI was 9/23. DH will not do another cycle, so this is it for us. History: 6 pregnancies: 5 losses and one DD (born 1-30-2010). Last pregnancy (May 2012) ended in D&E at 9 weeks, testing showed male fetus with an extra 16th chromosone. Recurrent losses thought to be likely due to AMA (I'm 40).
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Re: Mom in delivery room?
Nope.
If you aren't sure, I wouldn't do it. You could always have her in the waiting room and call her in if something clinical happens.
Last time it was just DH and I- just the way we both wanted it. But it was hard on my poor DH, he was on his feet for nearly all of the 17 hour labor!
This time I'm inviting my mom to come for the labor for a bit to relieve DH, but she has to get out when I start pushing.
It's really up to you and what you're comfortable with. If it's any help, I think your DH will be much stronger than you give him credit for. Mine is squeamish too but was too concentrated on helping me to even think about it. Your DH might surprise you.
this
The whole time I've been pregnant I have told myself that I only want my DH in the room with me but after our birthing class my DH told me that he thought it would be a good idea to have my mom in the room just in case he passes out or handle it.
I did invite my mom to be in the room with us but every once in a while i still think that I'd rather she not be in there. My mom and I are super close but Im still unsure if i really want her there. Lucky for me my mom's a flight attendant so if she's out of town she wont be there and then i wont have to deal with it.
In your case I wouldn't invite your mom. There will be nurses in the room to help you or your husband out if you need it. I think if you invited your mom and she didnt act the way you'd like her to then you'll be disappointed.
It all depends on when LO decides to grace us with his arrival. My mom lives 4 hours away so if LO comes early she will not be here for his arrival. She is already scheduled 2 weeks to be with us starting a couple of days before my due date - so she might be here with us when I go into labor. If she is - I don't expect to just leave her at the house alone.
She can take pictures while DH is video taping the whole thing. I don't mind her being there at all.
Daughter #1 - February 12, 2010
natural m/c March 11, 2011 at 8 1/2 weeks
Daughter #2 - January 11, 2012
Ectopic pregnancy discovered November 6, 2012 at 6 weeks
Daughter #3 - January 19, 2014
Started our exploration into the world of international adoption June 2012. We have no idea what this is going to look like but we are excited to find out!
Yes.
My mom is a pro at helping out in the delivery room, lol. I have 4 sisters who have all had kids, and she's helped them tremendously and I look forward to her being there with me. She's been through it enough to know when to back off and when to give assitance. She's looking forward to it as well, and DH has no problem with it whatsoever. The only thing is after our little man arrives, we ask that she leave us alone with him for the first few moments, and she's perfectly fine with that...she's done it everytime with my sisters.
Discuss it more with your DH and even write down the pros and cons if you have to to figure it out. Once the decision is made and the time comes, you might not be in the right mind to change it or make adjustments, so it's good to kinda have a 'plan' for it now.
HTH
Evelyn (3.24.10), Graham (5.30.13) & Miles (8.28.16)
I'm inviting my mom to be in the delivery room because she's not squemish, nor is she affraid of dealing with things. DH will be up toward my head the entire time, he's not allowed, nor does he want to, be down by my feet. I also have my mom there, and LO's god mom there to keep me focused, as well as give DH a break. He can tend to piss me off from time to time with comments when I'm stressed, and I'll need someone there to smack him upside the head if he does.
In regards to your mom, honestly I probably wouldn't invite her in. If she's not nurturing the way you want her to be, or encouraging you may be disappointed. However I have heard that watching the birth of a grandchild can bring mother and daughter closer because it's a common bond. Ultimatly it's your choice, do what feels right, and you can change your mind on and off through out your labor.
Make a pregnancy ticker
Yes! My mom and I are very close. My hubby and I welcome the help in the delivery room especially because we are first timers! Plus we know that this is really important to her and want to give her the gift of watching her grandchild being born.
My mom was there when my sister had her baby a few weeks ago, and my sister really needed her there (I think she was afraid BIL would get too squeamish). Dad was there for most of the labor part, too, but I think he left for the actual delivery.
I won't have her in the room with me. We don't plan on my parents being in the waiting room, either. For me, DH is enough. But, I've always been more independent from our parents than my sister.
The hospital only allows 3 people "anytime" bracelets (meaning they can come and go and not JUST during visiting hours) so my three people will be DH (obviously), and my parents. While they might not stay in the delivery room the whole time, I couldn't imagine not having that support system. Plus I'm going to try med-free so they're all gonna need each others' support to deal with me! lol
My mom will be taking pictures while DH comforts me. For some reason I just can't picture my dad not being there...I hear him saying, "You okay, Sis?" "You can do it, Case!". If I try hydrotherapy, which I plan on doing, my mom will "help" with that while DH and dad talk and take a "break". We'll see how it all goes.
Also, might I add, DH doesn't have a real "mom" I guess to say...his biological mom is an alcoholic, BSC, and we don't really talk to her and have only seen her twice in almost 2 years. His aunt and uncle adopted him when he was in 3rd grade or so. His aunt, who he was very close to and we're name LO after, passed away just over 6 years ago...
No. DH and I decided early on we are the only ones who will be in the room.
If you're not really close with your mom, it might just be stressful to have an extra person there.
You could do what I did. I put my mom on hold, in case I do want her in there. My mom sounds like the opposite of your mom though. She's very nurturing but has just enough medical knowledge that she'd be helpful (she worked at the front desk of a dr's office for years) - possibly more than DH if he doesn't study up before hand a little.
The reason she's on hold and not in the room is that I'm not sure if I want it to be just DH and me or not. She and I talked about it and she encouraged us to go it alone if we could - said it was a special bonding time that we needed. But promised she'd be there in the waiting room if I needed her.
If your mom would be open to such an arrangement, it might be the best way for you. Then, if you decide you want her to come in, you've got her there.
IDK if you knew the doula previously/personally or not but I have a hard time understanding why you would want a complete stranger in the delivery room with you before your own mother...the one who gave birth to you, especially if you are close. I'm not trying to flame or speak negatively about a doula because I know they're trained professionals and can help...but I guess I just never understood this.
Nope. Mom lives on the west coast, and we're on the east coast, so the only way she'd be able to be here is to come out early. And I really don't want her just hanging out, twiddling her thumbs, waiting for the magic to happen. Plus, I'm not sure she'd be the most calming influence in L&D for me or my husband.
We hired a doula instead.
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My mom will absolutely be there. I have always expected that to be the case and was pleased she wanted to be and as an added bonus - DH really wants her there. He does not feel confident that he alone will be able to provide everything I need and asked if she could be in there for support from the "other side" - i.e. someone who has been there (and he's afraid he'll pass out).
But we both have an awesome relationship with my mom (DH's mom died 11 years ago).
To the Original Poster - I agreed with other posters - have her there but not necessarily in the room at all times. It does sound like you want her there but are uncertain how it will all play out. If she is at least on hand (in the waiting room) she can come to the labor room the second you need her.
I have a really good relationship with my mom and with DD#1, I had my mom and my daughters father in the room wiith me through it all. My mom is who drove us to the hospital and back home, even though we had a car...and she helped me focus through my nautral childbirth experience and my daughters father was there for the ride and watched and did the best he could...(bawled his eyes out like a baby when DD came out, hehe!)..........
Soooo this time around is a little different, but not by much. This is DD#2, with DD#1's dad but we havent been together for a while....I will be calling him to tell him when Im in labor, but he lives over an hour away so not sure if he will make it for the birth. Plans are, that my dad is going to watch DD#1 while Im in labor because my mom is my labor coach. She will be there with me every step of the way, shes great at it...this is possibly the last baby she will see born...she has coached me with DD#1 and my sister with her DD#1 almost 13 years ago (3 years ago for me, almost 4 years)....
So my dad will be taking care of DD#1 during my L&D since my mom does in home child care and is my daughters caregiver while im at work...
Yep ... this definitely
My mom will be there, but my mom and I are really close and I can't imagine it anyother way. And she is super excited.
I would not have my mom in there if I didn't have a good relationship with her or just to have her because she is a dr, there will be plenty of doctors at the hospital. Maybe ask a close girlfriend or sister if you feel that you will need extra support there.
No way, not my mom or my hubby's mom in the delivery room. Only my hubs and my doula.