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3rd Trimester
How do I respond to this? Husband made stupid comment.
We were getting ready for bed last night and I told my husband that when we are in the operationg room (Im having a c-section again) that we need to TRY TO:) have normal conversations. Like help me start thinking about our son and how he is gonna love having his sister and blah blah blah. I just got a little freaked last time and even though that will probably happen again I just wanted him to be prepared to start bringing up simple conversations with me lol anyways back to what he said. My husband responded with "Well if you want I can just hang with Teigen (our son) in the waiting room and your mom can go in with you" I said What? He repeated and I said ofcourse I want you there you are my husband and you should want to be there cause your our little girls father. Dont you want to be there to see her first seconds in this world? Her first breath? He rolls over and goes oh geez Im not gonna fight I thought I was being nice. I really felt ill over this and had to walk out of the room. Now before I take this any further, I need advice. How would you take that? Am I just being hormonal and taking things wrong or our my feelings correct? Hurt and a little angry at him.
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Re: How do I respond to this? Husband made stupid comment.
I personally would take it as a guy comment that was probably not thought through the whole way but he was just trying to do what he thought would make you most comfortable. I highly doubt he doesn't want to see his daughter but he was just trying to do what was "best' for you. He just didn't think as deep into as you are.
I would just go up to him later and tell him you want ONLY him there you just need him to help you remain calm.
Evelyn (3.24.10), Graham (5.30.13) & Miles (8.28.16)
I totally hear why you'd be upset, but honestly,I think your DH was just trying to make you feel as though if you felt that mayeb the last time he wasn't able to calm you down enough--that you had the option or "way out" of asking your mom to be there.......I don't think that meant in ANY way that he doesn't want to be there, i think he was just trying to make you comfortable in case that's what you were hinting at by you telling him about you desire for him to help you stay calm during the procedure.
Just reassure him that you want HIM there and not your mom, and you want to go into this as a team and you want/need his support --which I'm sure he will give you.
Don't get too upset over it---Men don't always think before they speak!
This.
Honestly I think he was just trying to be helpful. DH is the same way, he tries to do whatever he "thinks" will make me happy, and sometimes he's way off, lol.
Plus, if your DH is like mine, he is a lot more laid back this pregnancy since its #2. Not that they should be- but things that he was all excited about the first time, are just normal now to him.
Maybe try talking to him again once you've calmed down a bit and explain why you need HIM there, no one else. GL!
Oh and DH will never ever understand how it feels to lie on the csection operating table! He still laughs at me because when they put the curtain up I got super nervous and wanted to think about anything but what was happening. DH had played a game the night before, so I told him to talk to me about football. He was like, "um, you want to talk about football now?" But I needed him to take my mind off things and keep me calm and football worked for me, lol.
I know how you feel!
Hmm... I would let it go and yep, men make stupid comments. Basically he was okay with you telling him that his conversation should be a certain way, and he took it that you meant he sucked at small talk. His first thought probably was that you and your Mom can talk for hours about trivial stuff lol.
I think he was trying to help you. I would stop making a big deal about it and not bring it up. Of course he is happy about his little girl coming and would like to see her ASAP, but I think it is sweet he felt you came first.
FWIW, I am not flaming you, I cried for half an hour about ice cream a few days ago. No one is immune from the dreaded hormonal take on conversations lol.
(Hugs)
Have you even asked him if he WANTS to be in the room while you are having a c/s?? Or did you just assume this??
My DH would probably not be a good candidate to be in the room with me.. he would probably puke or faint.. ESP if he had already seen it done before.. first time shame on him.. second time shame on me.. lol.
ya you are probably right, but be careful what you say. Your pregnancy isn't over yet. Hormones suck.
They do, but I think the only thing upsetting me in first tri was the all day nausea, which would make anyone cranky. If that does come back, heads will roll, haha! Otherwise I'm a pretty laid back person.
i agree w/ this. ?if your DH was in there last time he's probably taking it as you correcting what he did wrong last time.... i know thats how my DH would take it. ?i would bring it up to him again calmly and maybe just clarify that youre nervous and just trying to make things easiest for both of you. ?and then i would be sure to make sure he knows you want him (and only him) to be there w/ you for that moment...
GL?
Of course he wants to and plans on being there. I think that he interpreted what you said as telling him that he didn't do a good job last time. As the pp said, men are fixers, so if he got the impression from you that he didn't do a good job last time (even thoug that's probably NOT what you really meant), his "fixing" reaction is to have someone else there instead who is better suited for the job.
I can understand why you're upset...I would be too. But in this one situation I think its best to just sweep it under the rug.