Circle of Support

MellyMelB · January 2010

This is going to sound silly, maybe, but I was thinking we could all say a little something for Sam, Gary, and Mikey. This is going to be such a hard day. Hardest for Samantha and Gary's mom, Carol...but also hard for us as friends because it is all too easy (but at the same time so difficult) to put ourselves in Sam's place right now. We are all grieving for her right now in our own ways. Whether it be that you find yourself lost in your own thoughts a little more often...or reaching for your husband's hand more than usual.

I want to say Thank You to you girls. You have become such good friends. It is truly amazing. So, today, as hard as it is going to be....lets make sure we talk. Say what you are thinking. Share a quote or poem for yourself, for Sam and Mikey, for Gary.

What is Death?
Death is nothing at all.
I have only slipped away into the next room.
I am I and you are you.
Whatever we were to each other,
that we still are.

Call me by my old familiar name.
Speak to me in the easy way
which you always used.
Put no difference in your tone.
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.

Laugh as we always laughed
at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word
that it always was.
Let it be spoken without affect,
without the trace of a shadow on it.

Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same that it ever was.
There is absolutely unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind
because I am out of sight?

I am waiting for you,
for an interval,
somewhere very near,
just around the corner.

All is well.
~ Henry Scott Holland

kvwerne · January 2010

I won't be able to attend the funeral tonight but I have been thinking about Sam, Mikey and his family every day. I know that she has tremendous support in everybody who will be there for her tonight. All I can pray for is strength, love, and guidance for her. I love these lyrics from Streetlight Manifesto song "Somewhere in the between":

"So you were born and that was a good day
Someday you'll die and that is a shame
But somewhere in the between was a life of which we all dream
And nothing and no one will ever take that away
You had a love and that love had you
And nothing mattered, you were fine
And some will complain, they're just bitter, what a shame
They know that loving and losing is better than nothing at all"

MrsLeanna · January 2010

I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity.

-Gilda Radner

I keep remembering the last thing Gary said to me and replaying it my head. I posted a pic of my new haircut on FB Christmas Eve and he commented on how pretty it looked and just in time for "Santy Claus". It stuck with me because of how sweet it was, of course I had no idea at the time it was the last communication I would have had with him. I just keep thinking of all the times I went to their house and how he was always joking and smiling, even when he was feeling lousy. I still see him sitting on my couch at our housewarming party just a few weeks ago. It's so surreal and heartbreaking.

I can't imagine being in Sam's or Carol's position today and my heart aches for them so much. I hope they all know how loved then are and how much support they have. I hope they know that we would do whatever we could to make this easier for them, if only there was something.

SoontobeSavino · January 2010

That was really beautiful and touching, Mel. I dont have a poem or quote to share, but just wanted to add that I think its incredible for such an amazing group of women to exist. And while lots of us have never met in person, the bond that we share and the strength and support we give, its just truly mind blowing. On this day and for many days to come, we all will remember Gary and the wonderful person he was. Gary, may you rest peacefully and continue to watch over Sam and Mikey. Hugs for the Zullo family today.

cocojack10 · January 2010

I 100% agree with Lauren. Not having met any one of you ladies, I feel a strong connection and bond. And the bond that we all have is amazing. And I hope Sam feels it too, especially in this hard time.

I pray that God gives Sam, and Carol, the strength today. Sam is an amazingly strong woman. The family continues in my thoughts and prayers. My heart continues to hurt for them. ::hugs::

MRS.IHEARTMIKE · January 2010

I sent this to Sam already but I will share with you all.

An Angel whispered
take my hand and
come with me
you're work here is done.

I went away to a place
where there's no tears, nor sorrow
only laughter and smiles,
there will always be a Tomorrow.

As I move amongst the clouds.
I'll look down and smile upon you,
while the angels
sing a heavenly song.

I am not alone
all who went before
are here,
they awaited my return.

I know you'll grieve
and wish I was still here
I am here in the memories
you hold dear.

Remember how much I
love you
and know I took your
love with me.

I did not wish for
you to cry, nor feel sad.
My pain is gone and
I am Free!

Soon you'll come to me
until then
God will be with you
Just as He's with me.

Gone Away by Diana Blokzyl

rach312 · January 2010

The first experience I ever had with death was my mom died when I was 16 years old. I couldn't imagine anything ever making my life better. My world came crashing down. I was mad at my dad for the way he handled things. I was mad at the world. I didn't know what to do to cope. My friends were the best support system I could have ever asked for. They were always there for me and got me through what I still consider the most difficult part of my life. Over 11 years later it still hurts to not have her with me, but I know that I can survive because my friends have shown me how.

I know that losing a spouse and loosing a parent at a young age are not the same, but I hope that your friends can give you the same strength to get through this difficult time just as my support system was able to help me. Gary will live on through Mikey and the memories you have of him will keep him alive in your home.

You are never alone. He is with you and you are a better person for knowing him. Grieving is a personal process - however you feel is right to miss him is right. We are your support system and are here for your however you'd like us to be there for you.

helovesme22506 · January 2010

I have not met any of you on here - but I must agree that the strong bond and kindness you all share is very heart warming. I have come here for advice many times, and Sam was always so sweet and friendly. I can not imagine the pain she is going through, but I could only imagine that the love and support she feels here will help in her healing. I hope that she finds some comfort in the quote I found below:

"Our death is not an end if we can live on in our children and the younger generation. For they are us, our bodies are only wilted leaves on the tree of life." ~Albert Einstein

Mrs.HisOnly · January 2010

My husband lost his father to cancer when he was 13. My brothers lost their father 3 years ago to cancer @ the ages of 14 & 15. For all of them it was very sudden. My father in law went in and a couple of month later he passed. My stepfather went in late June and died August 3rd. It's through my mother-in-law that I think I began to undersand that hurt. This is a woman that 18 years later will still cry at thoughts of him. A woman who even though I know she is happy with the man she is married to now, would drop him in a second if Jose walked though her front door again one day. He was the love of her life, still is. I see the look in my husbands eyes as well as his siblings when they talk about him. I'm actually crying writing this and I never met the man. When my brothers lost their dad (whom I never had a good relationship with) I cried....for them. Because I already had some idea of how they felt and how they'd always feel and that hurt me in a very bad way.

When I think of this situation with Sam & Mikey, it hurts me the same way. Because I've seen what a hard road it can be and no one should ever have to go through this so early in life. My hope for Sam, Mikey and Gary's mother is that they can always take comfort in the good times, relive all the good memories, tell wonderful stories of Gary often. I will continue to think of and hold a special place in my heart for them.

i carry your heart with me(i carry it inmy heart)

i am never without it(anywherei go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)

i wantno world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

-E.E Cummings

mrsjessnjorge · January 2010

SoontobeSavino:
I think its incredible for such an amazing group of women to exist. And while lots of us have never met in person, the bond that we share and the strength and support we give, its just truly mind blowing. On this day and for many days to come, we all will remember Gary and the wonderful person he was. Gary, may you rest peacefully and continue to watch over Sam and Mikey. Hugs for the Zullo family today.

THIS!!!!!!!

I was looking for something to post here and I came across this poem. Even though I never had the opportunity to meet Gary, I can just picture him telling this to Sam.

A poem by Erica Shea Liupaeter, When Tomorrow Starts Without Me.

When tomorrow starts without me, and I?m not there to see,
If the sun should rise and find your eyes, all filled with tears for me,
I wish so much you wouldn?t cry, the way you did today,
While thinking of the many things we didn?t get to say.
I know how much you love me, as much as I love you,
And each time that you think of me, I know you?ll miss me too.

But when tomorrow starts without me, please try to understand,
That an angel came and called my name and took me by the hand.
And said my place was ready in Heaven far above,
And that I?d have to leave behind,
all those things I dearly love.

But as I turned to walk away, a tear fell from my eye,
For all my life, I?d always thought, I didn?t want to die.
I had so much to live for, so much yet to do,
It seemed almost impossible, that I was leaving you.
I thought of all the yesterdays, the good ones and the bad,
I thought of all the love we shared, and all the fun we had.
If I could relive yesterday, just even for a while,
I?d say goodbye and kiss you,
and maybe see you smile.

But then I fully realized, that could never be,
For emptiness and memories, would take the place of me.
And when I thought of worldly things, I might miss come tomorrow,
I thought of you, and when I did, my heart was filled with sorrow.

But when I walked through Heaven?s gates, I felt so much at home.
When God looked down and smiled at me, from his great golden throne.
He said, ?This is eternity, and all I?ve promised you.
Today your life on Earth is past, and here it starts anew?.
?I promise no tomorrow, but today will always last,
And since each day?s the same day, there?s no longing for the past?.
?But you have been so faithful, so trusting and so true,
Though there were times you did some things, you know you shouldn?t do?.
?But you have been forgiven, and now at last you?re free,
So won?t you take my hand now and share My life with Me?.

So when tomorrow starts without me, don?t think we?re far apart,
For every time you think of me, I?m right here in your heart.

love4ever2006 · January 2010

This is for Sam, Mikey and his mom as well as any other family member.

I'm FreeDon't grieve for me, for now I'm freeI'm following the path God laid for me.I took His hand when I heard him call;I turned my back and left it all.I could not stay another day,To laugh, to love, to work or play.Tasks left undone must stay that way;I found that place at the close of day.If my parting has left a void,Then fill it with remembered joy.A friendship shared a laugh, a kiss;Ah yes, these things, I too will miss.Be not burdened with times of sorrowI wish you the sunshine of tomorrow.My life's been full, I savored much;Good friends, good times, a loved ones touch.Perhaps my time seems all to brief;Don't lengthen it now with undue grief.Lift up your heart and share with me,God wanted me now, He set me free.~? Linda Jo Jackson~

Todays is a hard day, specially for them, but we'll be there and thru this journey to help them and each other. I am very sad and each day I think of them. I feel that I lost a very close friend even though like many of you never had the chance to meet Gary but I do know Sam and Mickey and feel terrible for their loss. My thoughts and Prayers are with them.

Barbie

Gator09 · January 2010

ditto what Lauren said. I told Sam when we were with her the other day about how everyday since Gary passed I have been in e-mail chains of hundreds of e-mails dealing with Sam and Mikey and their well being. I want her to know exactly how much love and support she has gained with all of us. No one should ever go through this and she is so strong. I just wish there was something I could say or do to take even a piece of the pain away from her.

Beth

MelanieJH1016 · January 2010

Gary used to "Poke" me on facebook, almost every day. I'll miss that, as silly as it is. He had such a quick wit, such a great sense of humor. He loved Mikey with all his heart and was such a good daddy. My heart goes out to Sam, Mikey, and Gary's mom on this very difficult day.

SheyandBeau · January 2010

My family and I went through a similar situation, we lost my 3 year old niece to Leukemia. She went into the doctor for a fever that wouldn't go away and they did bloodwork and her white blood cell count was abnormal so she was rushed to Joe DiMaggio's hospital. She had a spinal tap and other tests and they diagnosed her with Leukemia. She stayed in the hospital for a month, went through Chemo and passed away a day before her 3rd birthday. It was the hardest thing I've ever been through. We went through a phase of being angry, it wasn't fair that her life was taken so soon but we found comfort in knowing that she wasn't suffering anymore. She didn't ever have to feel that pain again, so it really did bring peace to us knowing that. It still hurts, but we know that she is just waiting for us and we will meet again. That's what I told Sam in a message I sent her. Right now she might not understand why this happened, but at least she knows Gary is not suffering anymore. I've been thinking about her and praying for her everyday. She is a very strong woman. We just all need to continue being there for her, because that's where you find comfort... in family and friends. God looked around his garden
And He found an empty place.
And then He looked down upon the earth,
And saw your tired face.

He put His arms around you,
And lifted you to rest.
God's garden must be beautiful,
He always takes the best.

He knew that you were suffering,
He knew you were in pain,
He knew that you would never
Get well on earth again.

He saw the road was getting rough,
And the hills were hard to climb,
So He closed your weary eyelids,
And whispered"Peace be thine."

It broke our hearts to lose you .
But you didn't go alone,
For part of us went with you,
The day God called you home.

shoe-kitty1109 · January 2010

I Cannot Think You?re Not Alive Somewhere I cannot think you?re not alive somewhere.
I think of you just as I did before.
No sudden gust of wind has closed the door
Or made your presence vanish in thin air.
I write you this because I know you?re there;
That even after death there must be more.
So does faith one?s inner sun restore
After bitter darkness few can bear.
My mind and heart have not yet lost a friend
Even though my senses are bereft,
For you remain the witness of my soul.
No mere accident our love can end
So long as I have will and memory left,
And you lie silent on some unknown shoal. My heart breaks for Sam, my heart breaks for Mikey and yet I still can't help but count my own blessings. You are all included in those blessings. I am glad to know such wonderful caring women.

NatandRick · January 2010

I don't have a poem to share, and usually don't say too much, but I have Sam, Mikey and Gary's family in my prayers constantly. That God may give them the strength and peace they need during this time.

Mrs.CHD · January 2010

I know I don't come on this board much anymore but I've been following their story and I just wanted to say I can't imagine what Sam must be going through my heart truly breaks for her and her family. Just last week my sisters had gone to donate platelets for Gary and while we were there so many other were there doing the same, it was amazing to see such an outpouring of support. Gary sounded like an amazing person. My thoughts and prayers are with Sam, Mikey, and their family.

I also found this to share:

Surrounded by friends
yet all alone
the one I loved
God has called home

the hugs of friends
helps ease the pain
and I know my loss
is my loved one's gain

but tears now flow
across my face
as I long for just
one more embrace

then comfort comes
and I see Christ's face
He hugs my loved one
and I feel God's grace.

MrsLeanna · January 2010

I am in tears reading this.

CesEve99 · January 2010

trying to make it on here before the 2pm moment of silence.

there are no right words that i can think of to make sam feel better. i wish this wasn't real. i know what it's like to lose a loved one to cancer, i can't bear to imagine what it feels like to lose your husband to cancer (or any other tragedy). i can't bear to think that she HAS to keep his memory alive everyday for mikey's sake. i'm here to offer my friendship to sam during the most difficult time of her life. i really thought that gary's journey would turn out differently, that he would survive the disease. i'm deeply sorry things didn't turn out that way. sam, if you're reading this...if god put you through this he will guide you through it, trust in him.

"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, Love leaves a memory no one can steal"

Mrs.ClariC · January 2010

I lost my father, father in law, and dh's grandmother 2 years ago, all unexpected, 6-7 months apart from each other. Which was the hardest thing ever. The only thing that keeps me positive is the thought that they are still with me in spirit and that one day I will be with them again. I cannot even try to imagine what Sam is going through losing her husband, the father of her son, her best friend. I see my mom and the sadness in her eyes and it kills me to think of what it must feel like to lose a husband, or for Gary's mom, to lose a son. Sam, Mikey, and Gary's mom, and all of their friends and loved ones are in my thoughts and prayers.

"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal."

To live in hearts we leave behind
Is not to die.
~Thomas Campbell

jojuan · January 2010

I hope Sam gets the strength that she needs today. The family continues in my thoughts and prayers. Am kind of new on this side and I had no idea of anything Sam was going through and when i read her blog and garys i couldnt stop crying. She is very strong.

melly&jimmy · January 2010

I did not get the opportunity to reply earlier today while at work...but Sam, Gary, and Mikey have been in my thoughts all day long. Even though, we have never met - I too am mourning. This is my greatest fear. When times are tough - I find solace in the Footprints Poem...

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord. Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.

In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand. Sometimes there were two sets of footprints, other times there was one only.

This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat, I could see only one set of footprints, so I said to the Lord,

?You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you, you would walk with me always. But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there has only been one set of footprints in the sand. Why, when I needed you most, have you not been there for me??

The Lord replied, ?The years when you have seen only one set of footprints, my child, is when I carried you.?

I pray God gives the Zullo family strength and peace.

ANJ410 · January 2010

Mel, the poem you posted was the one we used for my grandmother when she died in August. I find it very comforting. I'm glad you posted it for Sam.

ariel679 · January 2010

Although I'm never really on the nest anymore, I found out about Gary's passing through facebook. Sam was one of the first people I spoke to when I joined the nest over 4 years ago. I know there are no words to take the pain away but I wanted to share that I have been praying and keeping Sam, Mikey and the entire family in my thoughts.

"Although it's difficult today to see beyond the sorrow,
May looking back in memory help comfort you tomorrow."

EliStar · January 2010

I don't have a poem to share either, but I too have been thinking of Sam and Mikey all day. Being new to the Bump, I haven't spoken to her much, but it just kills me that a fellow nestie/bumpie is going through something so awful and unfair. I am in tears reading the words you all have shared and pray that God has given Sam the strength to get through this. At the very least, she is blessed to have such a wonderful group of women who love her so very much, and I hope that she finds comfort in that.

Sam, I am praying for you every day. I know you will find a way to move on, to show Mikey what an amazing man your husband was, and to honor and cherish his memory every day. I know that his strength and courage have truly inspired me.

::hugs::

karenlisa714 · January 2010

I don't have a poem either, but everything I read here has brought me to tears too. I am thinking of Sam and Mikey every day.

ShelbyInLove · January 2010

My thoughts & prayers go out to Sam, Mikey & their families. There are no words that can truly comfort at a time like this - but knowing that others care and are there for you does help. (((HUGS))) You ladies are an awesome support group.

taxbride · January 2010

Sam,

Mikey did amazing at the service. The reverend said something that was really struck me as wise: it's okay to feel everything you may feel--anger, pain, sadness, frustration, relief at the end of illness, disbelief, overwhelmed, even laughter at something ridiculous. Whatever you are feeling is what you must. There is no way for anyone to take away your pain or lessen your grief, and I won't try. It is similar to the pains of labor--there is no way out but through.

I like to think that my mom is up there, saying to Gary, "Hi, welcome, I've heard of you. Let me show you around."

This poem has been in my head all week, thinking of you.

Funeral Blues

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead.
Put crepe bows round the white necks of public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West.
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last forever; I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood;
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

- W. H. Auden

chachita07 · January 2010

I do not have a poem for Sam, but have been following her story and praying for her and Mickey. It is going to be a touch journey for her but you guys are so supportive and its so amazing to see a group of women that most of us have never meet bond together and help each other.

Sam Hugs my dear and we are here for you.

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