I am always on edge about the well-being of DD. If DH is taking care of her, I always have to look and see what they are doing. I have never left her with anyone else but DH, and never longer than an hour. When we go out in public, I keep her sunshade over her face so people can't see her our touch her. The holidays were horrible for me, and I was so looking forward to them while pregnant. I hated anyone but me holding her, I would cringe when someone would kiss her face, and when she cried I would get so stressed out. I have this insanely guilty conscience, so when she is upset I feel like I am diliberatly doing something to her. On top of all this, I keep picturing in my head bad things happening to her. Like, I will lay her down to sleep, then think "oh, what if she rolled over against the bumper and can't breathe and suffocates" or I will be walking along with her and picture dropping her. I don't know why I do this, but I can't stop! I keep thinking up these ridiculous scenarios in which she gets hurt or worse.
Is anyone else experiencing something similar? This has totally blindsided me. I have dealt with depression before, but never anything like this. If I leave the house with her, it has to be with DH because I can't handle being in public with her alone!