i cant believe im even saying this — The Bump
Postpartum Depression

i cant believe im even saying this

but right now i just dont have the energy to get up with DD every night (my mom is here helping me with recovery). my incision from my c-section isnt healing right, and i feel like literal sh!t. i hurt, i am uncomfortable, nothing tastes good, i hate eating or drinking anything and i barely do eat (ate my first real "meal", soup, today.) i am sad about my birth experience and my recovery. and...here it comes...sometimes i look at DD and think "you put me in this pain". and then i feel like the worst mom ever for even thinking it. i love her more than anything. i cant believe i would ever be in this place in my life. :(
*The Blog* Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Natural M/C : Arabella's Twin Guardian Angel, 7.29.2009.**Natural M/C : 2.20.2010. 18 weeks. Always Loved. 4 weeks.

Re: i cant believe im even saying this

  • Don't feel bad about what you are experiencing.  If you were completely joyous about what you went through, you would just not be right!  I, too, had an unfortunate birth experience and had to deal with a lot of pain afterwards.  I remember thinking, wow, was this really worth it? when I was waking up every two hours to nurse her, sitting in the glider propped up on the Boppy so that my stitched didn't touch the seat.

    What you are going through is natural, and coming here to talk about it was a good way to cope.  The thing that I keep telling myself at every obstacle is "this can only get better."  Think about it, your DD will grow older everyday and motherhood will get easier and easier.  It can't get worse.  Pretty soon she will be 6 months old and crawling and you will miss how little she used to be!

    Try to have a good New Year's!!!

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  • I completely understand how u feel. I had a c-section due to LO being breech but first my water broke with meconium and intense contractions. I hated my birth experience and felt so shorted. Then I cant take percoset or vicodin bc they make me throw up so I was in so much pain recovering and my incision kept leaking fluid. Then dd was SO fussy and would not sleep all night. I remember telling her to "shut up" and crying after bc I felt so bad. And I couldnt BF due to supply issues and felt horrible about it.

    That being said. I have to say it does get better. It took me 6 weeks to physically feel back to normal. The lack of sleep is very hard and its important to take advantage of any help u can get. Also I went on Prozac and it was helpful too. Honestly altho I loved LO all along, I did not feel really connected to her until around 6 weeks when she became less fussy and I felt better. Talk to your doc about PPD and remind yourself it gets better and is worth it. Its just hard to see when u feel so bad.

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  • the first month was sooo hard on me, I totally understand your pain/issues. It took 6wks for my incision to close (c/s). I'm hardly like I used to be. But in a few weeks your body will feel more normal. Talk to your doc about ppd and pp birth trauma. You are allowed to feel bummed about the c/s - I was so ticked but by then I was ready to do anthing to get the baby out (I was overdue and at 9cm stopped progressing, regressed, swelled up and was worried that there was something wrong/why wouldnt baby come out!) It turned out the cord was around his neck & he was stuck! cant get mad about that!

    really, give yourself permission to get the help you need.. the first weeks are HARD - you are not a bad mom.

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  • I'm sorry. Sounds like you are having a difficult recovery and that can be a big factor in PPD. I hope you start feeling better soon. Just make sure to take advantage of your support system and take it easy so you can heal faster.
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  • Definitely sounds like a rough birth experience and recovery...which is probably a big part of the depression you are feeling.  There is nothing to be ashamed of, so don't feel guilty.  It really is hard to bounce back right away, and obviously you have even more to recover from than many others.  Hopefully you have mentioned these feelings to your OB so you can start on a path towards treatment.  Try to remember that you are not alone.  Everyone on this board is here to support you, and thankfully you have a mother who can be there for you, too!  Please talk to your doctor and good luck!
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