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Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
Scout05
member
Klmorgan83 and others with darling LOs...
Scout05
member
I speak only for myself, of course, but I have no problem seeing the photos and tickers of your children. You have every right to celebrate them, and it has never bothered me to see their sweet faces smiling at me from someone's siggy.
I did not remove my loss history when I was posting on First Tri with my last pregnancy for the same reason - these are my children, and regardless of whatever stage I am in, they deserve to be recognized. If it offends others, I can't help that.
It is people posting here who are not "members" of this board who need to post ticker and photo warnings. ESPECIALLY as those tickers tend to be for active pregnancies, and there is no swifter kick to the heart then to see someone's ticker and think "I should be X weeks along with my baby now." That is insensitive and hurtful, IMO, and I don't know what mental block prevents these posters from understanding that.
So, sorry, this was long. But PLEASE - keep those sweet faces in your siggys. I love seeing them. I
I hope that all makes sense!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Klmorgan83 and others with darling LOs...
You couldn't have said it better. I'm just not a fan of when someone says "my friend just miscarried and i'm still pregnant and i don't know what to say to her".... so you're asking other women that have lost a baby??? And how does that make it better, because you can't see our faces we aren't mourning a loss and reminding us again of why we are here?? I never flame on thenest or thebump but there have been many times on this board already where I've been close. I think there should be a huge warning on the top of this board that this is not an advice board on how sympathize with a woman who has lost a child. Because really there is no "right" way to do it. And if you must do a drive-by post at least warn people of pictures of your beautiful children or your healthy pregnancies. Nobody should explain why it hurts to see those things.
A Boy's Room
I told DH "They think this is board is like The Whistlestop Cafe for miscarriage."
It really feels like that sometimes.
Part of me completely agrees, and part of me feels guilty for feeling upset with them. I mean NO one in my life/family would have even thought to seek advice in how to help me get through or how to be supportive, and they are kind enough to think to come to people who have been there for advice. I love being a resource, but it really sucks to be a pit stop resource. On the normal day to day I don't mind, but on holidays and days that are so hard anyways I feel like screaming "Can't you see that we're mourning? Can't you see that you don't go to the mourning to ask how to help the mourning? You are supposed to come to us and makes us feel loved, not BETTER but loved. Cause nothing you can say will ever make any of this better??"
Sorry for the rant! I agree and I would like to say thank you all for being supportive! I wish you all the best!
To me, it's like if I walked into a wake, walked through the receiving line, and said to the grieving widow, "Hi, we've never met, but my co-worker's husband just died. Should I make her a lasagna or send flowers? Tell me what to do!"
Exactly... and while I really do understand wanting to help your cousin, sister, best friend, long lost third cousin once removed..there are other ways to find the guidance you need. Google it. Read a book. Call another friend. Don't come to women who are barely keeping it together with thier own grief as kind of a fly by, hey I need help, kthnksbye.
I think because we are faceless it's easy to ask us... and because they don't know us, they aren't "members" of this board, they don't know our individual stories and pain, it's not even a blip to them that it might be hurtful. Most people when you point it out do feel genuinely sorry. Some are just a$$hats.
This!
There are days when I'm feeling helpful and will answer these posts. Those days are becoming fewer and farer between, though. Even when I do answer, I feel sort of exploited (I know that's a super strong word, but you get my drift...). I've only been on here for a month and I'm already weary of being "the face of miscarriage," if that makes sense.
Missed m/c at 17 weeks, partial molar pregnancy d&c 11/30/09
Makes total sense, and that is exactly how I feel. I can only speak to my own experience and emotions. We have seen that we all handle this grief differently. We are to support those also going through this. Not the masses with questions on MC.
There are tons of sites online with that kind of advice. It's called Google.
Oh, and I agree 100% with ambrandau2 - If you're someone who has taken the time to post here, give and get support, and share a bit of yourself with us, I have absolutely no problem with your pics and tickers. None at all. In fact, I like seeing your pictures because it gives me hope for my future.
But if you haven't done the above...not so much. I wish you and your family well, but it's time for you to hit the dusty trail.
Jenn
IVF#1 BFN IVF#2 BFP, loss at 19 weeks FET#1 BFN IVF#3 BFP, m/c FET#2 BFN
Missing our twins Zachary and Madison, lost at 19 weeks on 11/13/09, edd 4/9/10
BFP 7/17/10, m/c 7/25/10, edd 3/25/11
Ectopic, lost left tube 4/20/11, edd 12/6/11
my blog
I have nothing to add, because you have already said it so eloquently. I so agree.
Despite the fact that I have no siggy pics of my little ones. . . thanks for this.
As always, my dear, you rock.
My Blog
I very much agree with this! I appreciate their thoughtfulness it wanting to help a friend. It's the thoughtlessness in the process getting that advice from us that is hurtful.