not nice. I guess this fight has been coming for awhile, but I was hoping to avoid it. This morning I asked him if he was going to get breakfast for himself would he mind getting me a biscuit and bringing it to me at work. Notice I said "if he was getting himself something." Well, he got ALL mad at me saying "yes he would get up and rush so he could bring me food." I told him nicely not to worry about it. But, he very un-nicely said that he was going to.
So I get home from work and he leaves to go golfing with is uncle. He doesn't ever want to spend time with me. He used to, but now it's either he's golfing, shooting pool, playing cards at his aunts, or at work. He just texted me and said "I'm sorry. I'm not a good husband. I'll let you get back to your life. Is that what you want? I didn't marry you to quit on it. I don't know what you want from me." All I want is time with my husband. We haven't even been sleeping in the same bed all night. He doesn't understand. Things were easier last year when he was gone. I know I may regret saying this, but if he got deployed tomorrow that may be the best thing for our marriage.
I don't know what to do
Thanks for reading and letting me vent.
Re: DH is...
I think you need to have a serious heart to heart with him, maybe even try talking to someone like a counselor or something. If he doesn't want to spend time with you now, what happens when the baby is here? That discussion definitely needs to happen first, as you have a lot of changes ahead of you.
I hope everything works out for the best.
Having a serious conversation with him is like pulling teeth
And he's very hard to get to sit in one place to have a conversation with. Sigh. I do think we need something. We rarely see each other now. We work very different schedules. And when we're both off he's off doing whatever he wants.
Difficult or not, it needs to be done. Theres no getting around that
I know
It's hard to confront him without seeming like that's what I'm doing. He makes things so difficult. We have the conversation about how he doesn't want to spend anytime with me about once a month and it gets better for like a week. Then it's back to how things were before. Grrr.
That's what I was hoping too. But knowing him he'll just take LO with him to golf. He really can be a jerk. A very big jerk. Today was a very bad day
Was he always a jerk?
He was GREAT after he got back in June. It was so nice. I guess that was just because he'd been gone and we were still very much newlyweds. But, even now we've only been married a year and two months. But, he's different. I miss the old DH
the one who would surprise me with sweet little emails or just pop into work just because. I am going to try to have a serious conversation with him. I hope it works out the way I'm planning because knowing me I will just burst out crying uncontrollably. LoL.
Oh no. DH and I grew up together and he has always been this quiet fun loving guy who would give me the moon just to make me happy. I don't know what's happened to that guy. But, I miss him.
I'm sorry you had a fight. It always hurts when I feel distant from my DH.
Here's my advice:
You said "He just doesn't understand." You are right. He's a man. He doesn't naturally understand the needs of his wife. But don't give him a list of things that you need (All he will hear is "You are not good enough").
Try this...
You say "All I want is time with my husband". You listed a bunch of fun things that he's doing. I think you should tell him that you want to go do some of these fun things together. Not talking and being all serious...just hanging out and having fun together - being the friends that you used to be. (Unless, maybe, you really meant that you want to have time with your husband - on your terms.)
Try it out. Tell him that you want to go shoot some pool or play cards or go to a movie or whatever fun thing he's doing. Even if you're not good at it - just do it to be by him.
Also, you said things were easier last year when he was gone. Of course it was! You probably missed him terribly, but when your husband isn't around, you don't actually have to work on your marriage! You know it's hard work, and it will only get harder. Sometimes, the hard part is meeting HIS needs before yours are met. (Okay, that's not sometimes hard...that's always hard)
He probably misses his friend, his wife. Right now, you are probably focused on becoming "mom". Let loose a little and hang out with your hubby. It'll do you both some good.
you want more time with him but you wish he would get deployed??
Sounds like you need to figure out what exactly you need & let him know. He apologized now, let him know what it is you want and move on. Like PPs mentioned it will get more challenging once a baby is here so you need to be on the same team starting NOW.?
What do you do while he golfs & plays cards? Maybe finding some hobbies that you like to do that dont require DH would be a good idea. Also - If you want to spend more time with him set up some stuff. Rent a DVD, plan a date nite, make dinner reservations - etc etc. You cant expect him to read your mind - be proactive, speak up about hwat you want & go from there.
Thanks for all the replies and advice ladies. I really appreciate it. I think I will try the letter. If I do that then I won't have to talk and risk crying and crying. I have gone golfing with him. He even got me my own golf clubs. And I only used them once. I asked if I could go, but he said well I was going to take Steve. And I used to go shoot pool with him all the time, but then he said he'd rather take his uncle. So I gave up.
I did miss him like crazy when he was gone and all I wanted was for him to be home. I know I must sound crazy. I sound crazy to myself. Sigh.
I told him that's what I'd like to do. So hopefully that will work. I hope he does remember how much fun we had.