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need opinions: baby to have father's last name or not?

JonathansMommyJonathansMommy member
in Parenting

someone i know is pregnant and not with the baby's father...they had dated in the past and just hooked up every now and then. and then she got pregnant.  she has no intentions of being with the father again. he says he wants to be a part of childs life, but we dont know if he'll stick around.  if you were a single mother and not with the baby's father...would you give the baby your last name or babys fathers last name?

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Re: need opinions: baby to have father's last name or not?

  • katie277skatie277s

    That's tough.  I would say probably give the baby my last name if I knew I wasn't going to see the father. 

    The 2 mom's I know who have kids with someone they are not with both gave their kids the father's last name.  So, I guess I wasn't helpful at all....

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  • mamarazzimamarazzi
    I'd use mine.  Less confusion and less drama down the road for the kid if the dad doesn't stick around.
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  • MelandJeffMelandJeff

    In that situation, I would give the baby my name.

    I kick myself in the ass every day for not doing that myself when I was in her situation 17 years ago.

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  • JOEBunnyJOEBunny member
    I think that both last names would be appropriate, like John Smith Jones.  She could make the baby daddy's name the middle name and then if he is not in the baby's life, she could just let it be the "invisible" middle name most people have, if he is, he could use both. 
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  • mlm1128mlm1128
    Mine.  Even if he did stick around, I would want the child to have the same last name as me if I were the primary person in it's life.
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  • MelandJeffMelandJeff

    imagemlm1128:
    Mine.  Even if he did stick around, I would want the child to have the same last name as me if I were the primary person in it's life.

    I dont agree with that exactly... if the father is involved and devoted, he deserves to have that child bear his name as well.

    I agree that hyphenating in this case might be best...

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  • belle204belle204 member
    i hyphenated dd's last name but if i were to go back i would just give her  my last name. it's just so much easier when you have someone floating in and out of their life. if he were def. going to be involved then ok. but don't take a man's word for sh*t.
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  • cnybride2becnybride2be
    does the dad want the baby to have his name?  for me, that vote would count a lot. 
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  • JonathansMommyJonathansMommy member
    i dont think they got that far yet. they really dont talk much.  and i think if he wanted that he would at least Try to talk to her once in awhile.
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  • belle204belle204 member
    it doesn't matter if he wants the baby to have his name. she needs to do what she feels comfortable with. intentions and actions are two diff. things. don't saddle a child with the name of a "maybe" involved parent. i keep trying to get this through my sister's head.
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  • penguingrrlpenguingrrl member
    A close friend is due in a few weeks and the father is not involved.  She's giving the baby her last name.  Not sure if that's standard or not.
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  • JonathansMommyJonathansMommy member
    thanks belle!  he has been known to lie alot in the past.  but he seems like he is a really nice guy but maybe just doesnt have his priorities in order.  i'll pass this on to her!
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    My Ovulation Chart     early m/c 09/05, early m/c 02/08,and missed m/c 04/12 at 16 weeks **I was Diagnosed with Factor V Leiden & Heterozygous Mthfr 02/08 I was put on Lovenox while pregnant with my daughter and will also be for my next pregnancy
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  • A-baybrideA-baybride

    I have two good friends who had kids while single, and both gave the kids their own last names, even though the fathers were somewhat involved.  The reasoning, (which I completely agree with) is that if the father is enough of a d*ck to end up not being involved/interested in the kid's life, he probably would never agree to sign off on a legal name change to the mom's last name.  But if things work out and the mom and dad end up together or he ends up being a great father, then of course he'd agree to legally change the name to his.  It just gives the mom more options and time to see how things end up shaking out.

    DD doesn't have the same last name as me (I kept my maiden name) and it's never been a problem - but if I'd given my child another man's name who ended up being a flake, I'd be pissed every time I had to write/say/see his name!

     

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  • belle204belle204 member
    sure. like abay said, it's much easier to change it the other way around. i just get so worked up when i look back. wish her luck and tell her to check out the single parents board if she ever has time. it's slow right now but the ladies are sweet.
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  • sweetie1528sweetie1528
    without a doubt give the baby my name.  I think that's how it should be anyway.
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  • wildfloweragainwildfloweragain member
    Mine
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  • GrowingFamilyGrowingFamily

    I got pg at 18.  I gave DS my last name & it was one of the BEST decisions I ever made.  My son's bio father & I were together for 7 (horrible) years.  Once we split (because he sent me to the ER) when DS was 5 years old, I met my now husband.  We got married 2 years later & I wanted DS to have my married name.  His bio father would NOT grant a name change.  He hated the idea of DS having some other guy's last name.  Thank GOD DS had my last name, though.  I took my maiden name as my new legal middle name & DH's name as my new last name (no hyphen).  So, when I had to sign stuff that had to do with DS (school & doctor stuff, mainly) I would sign my full name, with my maiden name as my middle name, so I could show that we did have that name in common.

    2 years after we were married DH ended up adopting my DS (his bio father basically sold his rights in lieu of paying back & future support) & at that point DS was able to have my married name.  But, had it not been for that unbelievable turn of events, it would have been a really good thing for DS to have MY (maiden) last name, at least.

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  • GrowingFamilyGrowingFamily

    imagebelle204:
    it doesn't matter if he wants the baby to have his name. she needs to do what she feels comfortable with. intentions and actions are two diff. things. don't saddle a child with the name of a "maybe" involved parent. i keep trying to get this through my sister's head.

    This 100%!!

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  • DimplzDimplz member

    Would definitely be mine.

    As someone who worked in schools, I could never understand why a child would have the father's last name yet no father was listed on the birth certificate. I saw this a lot. Why give the child the father's name in that situation?

    Also I think it looks bad when mom has 5 kids by 5 different men and everyone, including mom, has a different last name!

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