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I am biting my tongue so hard right now

DNK777DNK777 member
in Babies on the Brain

I just found out that my mom's boyfriend's son (they've been together for a long time so he is pretty much like a stepbrother) is dating a former friend of mine.  We used to party together a lot during college, but had a big falling out when I found out she was using cocaine.  Maybe she cleaned up, but it's unlikely considering this was just 2 years ago and his son was complaining about how much she goes to bars without him since she's over 21 and he's only 20.

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Re: I am biting my tongue so hard right now

  • Mrs.EliKMrs.EliK
    Wow.  That would be hard for me to bite my tounge for. 
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  • Melaneigh1Melaneigh1 member
    Oh geez.  That does suck, I'm sorry.  I would have a hard time not reacting, too.
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  • Mrs_LibertoMrs_Liberto member

    If he's family, I'd have no qualms about telling him exactly how she is.

    Chances are, when things go sour with her, he'll be angry that you knew about her behaviors and didn't warn him.

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  • DNK777DNK777 member
    imageMrs_Liberto:

    If he's family, I'd have no qualms about telling him exactly how she is.

    Chances are, when things go sour with her, he'll be angry that you knew about her behaviors and didn't warn him.

    Do you think I should say something to him privately?

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  • Mrs.EliKMrs.EliK
    Could you talk to the ex-friend and try to get a feel for whether or not she is still "partying"?  However, I would feel bad saying something to your "stepbrother" is this girl has turned her life around and is clean. 
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  • Mrs_LibertoMrs_Liberto member
    Yes, I really do. Say it lovingly and out of concern, though. And say it once and be done with it. He's a big boy and can make his own decisions, but I don't think for a moment that family members should hold their tongue when they see a friend or family member heading down what could be a destructive path/dating someone destructive.
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  • DNK777DNK777 member

    imageMrs_Liberto:
    Yes, I really do. Say it lovingly and out of concern, though. And say it once and be done with it. He's a big boy and can make his own decisions, but I don't think for a moment that family members should hold their tongue when they see a friend or family member heading down what could be a destructive path/dating someone destructive.

    How should I say I found out who he was dating?  I knew her first name, but it's very common.  I kinda found out by facebook stalking him and we are not friends. Embarrassed

    This is the same girl who my mom's boyfriend got really upset with since she used the "n" word at dinner the first time meeting his family.  We were supposed to go, but didn't since DD was sick.  DD is biracial (white/black) which is practically his granddaughter.  My "step-brother"'s sister, future brother in law, grandfather, and dad have all made it clear they do not like her.

    On a side note, I wish they'd just get married already so I could simplify the terms. Stick out tongue

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  • Mrs.EliKMrs.EliK
    imageDNK777:

    This is the same girl who my mom's boyfriend got really upset with since she used the "n" word at dinner the first time meeting his family.  We were supposed to go, but didn't since DD was sick.  DD is biracial (white/black) which is practically his granddaughter.  My "step-brother"'s sister, future brother in law, grandfather, and dad have all made it clear they do not like her.

    On a side note, I wish they'd just get married already so I could simplify the terms. Stick out tongue

    This girl sounds like she is still a bad seed. 

    What if you tell your mom and her boyfriend and let them determine what to do.  If you do tell the brother, as long as you are telling him with good intentions, then whatever you say will be the right thing.  Good luck!

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  • lulumialululumialu
    imageMrs.EliK:

    This girl sounds like she is still a bad seed. 

    What if you tell your mom and her boyfriend and let them determine what to do.  If you do tell the brother, as long as you are telling him with good intentions, then whatever you say will be the right thing.  Good luck!

    You may run the risk of alienating him if you tell his parents w/o talking to him (if he finds out you told). I'd say, discretely mention to him the history, but make it clear you haven't talked to her in two years.

    I'm not going to lie--you will be treading on dangerous territory. My SIL had a coke problem for a while. I mentioned it to DH, who then talked to her boyfriend. The boyfriend reacted defensively, and then SIL was really, really mad at me. But in the end, the boyfriend made her put the brakes on it, and she claims to be off of it now. Who knows.

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