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twinkl5379
member
DH hosting party in hotel room...
twinkl5379
member
My DH is on a business trip at a regional conference. On behalf of his company, he is hosting the hospitality suite in his hotel room. He said that it did not clear out until 2 a.m. last night, and of course alcohol was served.
He's hosting the same event again tonight. Anyone else think this is odd for a business trip? He says that every year one of the companies hosts this in their room, and finally, his company volunteered. His female co-worker (who showed interest in him 2 years ago) volunteered his room/suite without asking him. So that's why it ended up being in his room.
I trust him, but I don't like the idea of women (and men, of course) being in my DH's hotel room drinking until 2 a.m. Am I overreacing, or is this odd?
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Re: DH hosting party in hotel room...
Exactly. The hospitality suite events are networking events. If he's got the suite, he's volunteered to host. Works similarly to golf, taking the guys out to the bars and clubs, dinners, etc. If he's in corporate sales, it's part of the price of doing business.
Unless it's a one-on-one sales meeting, then it's trouble. But it sounds like he's being open with you about what's going on...and what's going on is totally within the norms of on-the-road sales and networking events. (And having re-read that it's an out-of-state conference, I'm absolutely certain that what he's doing is aboveboard and he's not sneaking around, nor is he doing anything "unusual". He's at a conference and that's what they do at the conferences. They meet people that can help them expand their client base or possibly have other corporate presence that might help him careerwise. I pity the folks who have 8:00 a.m. event presentations though. Hope he's not one of them. lol.)
I can't tell you if you are over reacting until you tell me how you did react. Did you flip out on him?
Also did he tell you this woman showed interest in him and then tell you she volunteered his room? If so then it sounds like he is trying to provoke you.
I personally have never heard of these events but I have never worked in corporate sales. However, according to the ladies above they are part of parcel of the job. It's all about trust really, do you trust him?
My Fi regularly travels to trade events that involve hotel stays. In the past he has invited me to accompany him to the event as the invitation usually includes a guest. However, I have never gone and he takes his assistant as the events are relevant to her. Bottom line I trust him.
But I do understand your concern, hotel rooms, alcohol and this woman are not a good mix. It is times like these that you have to trust that your DH realizes the wonderful supporting wife he has at home and that he would in no way jeopardize that.
I was an event planner for a hotel for many years and this is totally normal. Usually it is someone in upper level management (not the CEO) who gets a suite and has a hospitality room in the living quarters of the suite. I use to have to bartend and serve these events all the time. It is mostly networking. I wouldn't worry too much about it. We could always tell when the host wanted to wind the party down and we would close the bar and people scattered after that. If I was your DH I would be ticked off that she volunteered my suite and I would let her know, but that's just me.
These are all good points. And phantom, no, I did not flip out on him. I simply indicated that it seems a little odd to me, and he told me that it's very common, etc., just like you all are saying. He also said the same things above, that he'd never do anything to jeopardize our relationship. And I believe him.
Also, with the girl, no, he did not try to provoke me with that. I knew about her interest in him 2 years ago b/c he told me right away. He immediately responded to her email letting her know that he had a girlfriend (which was me).
I'm okay with it and understand that it is part of the culture, like it or not. Regardless, it's just the initial idea of hotel rooms, alcohol and women in my DH's room until 2 am is a little unsettling. Nothing against him at all; as I said, I trust him. But you never know other people's intentions (after all, I find him quite attractive;0). But the bottom line is that I have to trust him and only think about that.
Oh, and Phatom, I do travel with him sometimes, if the event is open to spouses. We've gone some great places...Mexico twice, Banff Canada, San Fran, CA. And this year we're going to Hawaii and Salt Lake City! Very fun! (But on none of these trips have there been parties in anyone's room ;0). And surprisingly, he is not in sales; he's in the agriculture industry (we both are actually).
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I agree with others, depending on the company this is pretty standard practice. Though I think many are doing away with it out of fear of such possible inappropriate situations.
I've worked for a couple of companies who did this routinely. That was why certain suites during stays for training and annual meeting type events. So that the rooms could be separated from an entertaining area.
I do trust my husband, and he trusts me. We both travel for work (though he much more frequently), and we have agreed to not even put ourselves into situations that could lead places we never intended.
For example, we agreed to not hang out at bars drinking with a single person of the opposite sex, especially late at night. (this is actually how DH and I met; we were traveling for work, and he, his co-worker and I stayed at the bar drinking pretty late.) Later we learned that the reason we both stayed was b/c of our mutual, but not discussed yet, interest in each other. So I don't know...maybe I'm more sensitive that it can happen b/c I am evidence.
Needless to say, I do trust him. And this is no longer really an issue for me, just curious to see how others would respond.
Its very common during a conference. He who has the suite, hosts the party. Don't let it bother you. Maybe you could go with him? Spouses come along on all of the conferences I go to. Its almost expected.
ETA - You failed to mention, was your DH married to someone else when you met while traveling for work? If he was, you may have reason to be concerned.
If it's in his personal hotel room - it's inappropriate. Incredibly so.
I've worked for two Fortune 500 companies (one currently) and both would fire anyone who had a party in a personal hotel room of any kind while on business of any kind. I've seen it happen to a Supervisor all the way up to an Executive VP. No one is exempt. No one is even allowed to rent a seperate hospitatility suite that has any kind of bed or sleeping quarters in it. Doesn't matter who you are - it's a big fat no-no.
My current company requires that all corporate parties like you described are to be held at public places in restaurant party rooms or basic hotel open type party rooms. Especially if alcohol is being served. No private, personal rooms.
No matter what size of business or culture...it's a sexual harrassment suit waiting to happen.
As far as your husband - if you trust him, that's wonderful, but I'd caution him to be mindful of this in the future and not allow it to happen again. He should rent something other than his personal room....unless he doesn't mind the risk.
Now if you are saying "his room" or "his suite" is a room that he's using for business purposes/meetings, training etc set up with tables and chairs and that kind of setting... that's an entirely different thing and not an issue in my opinion.
The key is - no beds. No private hotel rooms.
You bring up excellent points, j+k. Yes, it was his room that was actually a suite to host this type of event. But none the less, it was his sleeping quarters. I think the risk you're getting at is part of what bothered me.
I read him your post, and he agreed that he'd never do it again (again, the girl put it in his name without even asking him). He said his boss approved it but was even concerned about people being underage, so there is too much risk involved.
And, no, DH was not married when we met during travel.
I told him that I'm not saying he can't attend this type of event when someone else hosts it, but I'd prefer he not carry the risk. Just b/c it's "acceptable and common" doesn't mean he should engage or that it's right. He totally agrees.
Exactly twinkl. Regardless of corporate okay or bosses' okay - it wouldn't matter in a court of law if something should happen. Regardless of whether or not he did anything - someone could leave that room drunk, get into an accident and your DH could be sued or his company could be sued for supplying the alcohol. Or someone could be sexually harrassed in a manner they don't want to be - even if it wasn't him but another guest by another guest at his hosted party - he'd be brought into that case to testify and his corporation could be sued for providing an unsafe environment. There are a whole host of things that could happen that's unnecessary and it's a mess he just does NOT need.
I find it amazing that there are still companies out there that don't have policies against this and this is the "norm". With all the sue crazy people in this world and the awareness and prevention these days of sexual harrassment in the work place you would think companies would be smarter about this kind of thing.
I find it amazing that there are still companies out there that don't have policies against this and this is the "norm". With all the sue crazy people in this world and the awareness and prevention these days of sexual harrassment in the work place you would think companies would be smarter about this kind of thing.
THIS! That's crazy! When I used to travel for trade shows for a small company with the COO, we had social events but they were always at bars and stuff. Yes we all got drunk and stuff but in public, not in anyone's hotel rooms. My dad was a road warrior and he has some crazy stories about parties and stuff from when he was in sales (not crazy like infidelity, but parties and stuff). I think it is common but I don't think it's a good idea either.