- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Breastfeeding
firemansflame
member
I judge non breastfeeders....confession
firemansflame
member
There I said it. I try not to as I realize that there are very good and valid reasons that people don't breast feed but when I hear that someone whose child is younger than mine is already 100% FF or that they didn't breastfeed at all I judge them....just in my own mind of course. Then I feel sorry for them because I feel like BF was so hard for me in the beginning but once I got past the toe curling pain I really love it. I love that special time w/DS and I hope that I can continue to BF for a long time to come.
I don't judge people who have / had supply issues. Not much you can do about that if your body is not cooperating but there is a very "hippy granola" lady I work with who told me that she couldn't breastfeed because she's too spontaneous and it just didn't work for her long term. I thought...that's selfish (but kept that comment to myself).
Do you all forgive me for my sins? 
This discussion has been closed.
Re: I judge non breastfeeders....confession
My cousin just had a baby and said from the start that she didn't want to BF. Fine. No judgment from me.
Untiiilll...I started having supply issues and couldn't help but be a little resentful that she *chose* to let her milk dry up and I was desperate for just a few more ounces.
There, flame away.
I did...until I began to breastfeed. When I realized just HOW HARD it is, I began to be more sympathetic and understand why some people don't do it long term.
But I am like you, I worked (and as still working) through the pain and it is getting better. One of the reasons I didn't switch to formula is because I felt so lucky to not have any supply issues, etc that I see some people have.
My Family Bliggity Blog
Flame away, but...
I get annoyed when people go on about how they tried to BF, but "it didn't work out"... and then upon further questioning, you find that they only "tried" for a few days, or that when they did start having issues, they didn't do anything about it, but just gave up. I mean, I could EASILY have given up, but made the effort to call a LC and figure out how to make it work... it took time and lots of tears and frustrations, but hey, I was under no delusions that it would be easy! Yet, there are these people that make a big deal out of "trying" to BF, as if they want applauded and consoled for a half-hearted attempt.
Disclaimer: I'm definitely not saying this about everyone who tries unsuccessfully... just those who make a big deal about how they tried, when really, they just gave up when it required more effort than just sticking a boob in the kid's mouth.
I'll admit it makes me feel a bit sad (not quite the right word, but hopefully you'll know what I mean) for those that decide up front they have absolutely no desire to even try, etc....but then I know I have no right since I have NO idea why they may feel that way, etc. But yes, there is that moment of 'why not just give it a try' that I wonder/ponder about.
I think it's human nature to always question why people make different decisions that you yourself make. But I'm a curious person by nature that questions everything.
I felt this exact way. BF was so hard for me in the beginning. I would cry due to the toe curling pain....but then it got better just like everyone said it would. Hang in there - you're almost over the hump!
I don't judge others who don't BF -- I truly believe that a happy mommy makes a happy baby, and sometimes the stress of BF is too much for both mommy and baby. I have many friends who FF, and their kids are happy, healthy and thriving. That's all that really matters!
That said, I have struggled for the first 11 weeks of my baby's life through triple feeding, EPing, many tears, little sleep, and lots and lots of self-doubt and frustration. But, as of 2 wks ago (when my LO was 9 wks old) we are now nursing full time. I was ready to give up SO many times. In fact, if I wasn't scared of flu season, and believe in the major benefits of BM, I think I would have. I have put so much effort into BF, and it is so worth it. Both for my baby's health, my sanity, and the fact that BF is free doesn't hurt, either. I'm not sure I've ever accomplished anything that I'm more proud of...
Same here! I would have been a nervous, house-bound wreck if I was formula feeding, especially with the whole H1N1 debacle.
As for the last line, I'm not one to ever toot my own horn but I feel the same way and don't mind admitting it. I can quite easily say it is the hardest thing I have ever done, and I surprised myself by not giving up. Even though I know kids on formula do just fine (I am one of them!) there is just something about breastfeeding that I couldn't give up, no matter how painful.
My Family Bliggity Blog
So much this.
You are right, actually. If it wasn't for the support of my DH, family and especially the breastfeeding clinic at the hosp I would have given up by now in all honesty.
My Family Bliggity Blog
I judge... but I also worked through a baby in the NICU, latch issues, weight gain, reflux, nipple shields, supply issues, Thrush, AND a Fm/Hm imbalance....
The only reason it worked, was because I made it work. Hardest thing I did in my life (and now it's one of the easiest! LOL!)
ITA with this. I nursed DD and am nursing DS. I would love for all moms to have the support to try BFing and get through those first 6 weeks or so, as those are the hardest, but I try not to judge other moms who make different choices than I did.
Meredith, 6-1-06 and Alex, 11-5-09
This is a really crappy thread.
Bravo, you nurse your babies. Bravo, you worked harder to succeed at bfing than other moms (in your minds). And......?
I don't judge any mom who feeds their baby, formula or breastmilk. It is exactly this kind of judgment from other moms that creates this huge feeling of guilt and failure whenever a mom stops nursing for ANY reason, regardless of whether you deem it to be "legitimate." Why on earth should any mother be made to feel guilty for feeding her baby (because that is what this all boils down to...what a mom feeds her baby)? Especially during such an emotionally trying time as the newborn period.
I nursed my baby for a year, and you know what I got from it? A healthy growing baby who I happily bonded with, just like the moms in my playgroup who ended up using formula (or, *gasp* didn't even TRY to breastfeed). Maybe I'm mistaken, but I thought that was the ultimate goal here...not bragging rights that I powered through and tried harder than someone else.
as someone who has been nursing for 26 of the last 29 months, I can honestly say that this thread makes me want to lie and say I formula fed from the get go, lest I be lumped into a group of self righteous twaaaaaaats like you.
doodley doo!
cha
Hey, thanks for this post, actually. Now I have an incredibly easy way to identify some of the biggest asssholes on the Bump.
I struggled with DD for over two months until she started nursing - until then I pumped 8 times a day. It sucked, but I did it because she's a preemie and I knew it was the best thing for her. I wanted to quit every day (and still do)....but this gives me more compassion for and understanding of those who quit.
This does not make me a better mother. It's just one of a million choices I've made as a parent. Get over yourselves.
*STANDING OVATION*
Get off your high horses ladies.
I've been on both sides of the fence- FFing and BFing. While I AM proud to be EBFing my baby right now I know that the decision to FF my other two didn't result in anyone being harmed or INFERIOR. But I don't get a complex about EBFing. I don't rub it in others faces or think less of someone who doesn't BF.
I love you.
This is the most insulting thread ever! Seriously. Yall need to get off of your moral high horses. There are other reasons why people dont breast feed.
I do not breast feed my daughter, never did for one second and didnt pump a drop. If you want to preach to me about how I am poisoning my child with her formula then you can go ahead and lend me your breasts to feed her with since I dont have a set of my own thanks to breast cancer.
You never know the real reason why someone doesnt BF. Sometimes they just say it didnt work out, which is my answer to everyone who asks why I dont.
Maybe you should all be concentrating on caring for your child instead of judging others.
Thanks for making it seem like we love our children less because we dont breast feed.
I agree with all of this. I am so happy and blessed to be EBF, but that is what I'm doing for myself and my daughter. What another mother choses to do for her and her baby is her business (unless it involve abuse). BFing isn't for everyone.
Tonight as I was nursing my daughter, I thought of how blessed I am to have that time with her. But other times, when I see women who FF not having to deal with engorgement, avoid certain foods/drinks, be able to share feeding responsibilities with their spouse, not having to deal with pumping at work or supply issues....I am insanely jealous. Because I don't doubt that women who FF are just as attached and loving to their babies.
Every mom is different. Judging is something I would keep to myself- not post on a public board where FFing moms could see it.
I FF from the start. I dont understand why you feel sorry for me, because I dont have that special nipple to mouth bond with my son? Feeding him is still a special time to us.
And I think most of the people who said "we tried" really didnt put much of an effort and just dont want to feel guilty or be punished for their choices by everyone else.
I was fortunate to be able to supply DS with bm until he was a year. He self weaned at 9 1/2 months and I pumped for another month. My stash was enough to get him through those last six weeks. I was proud of that accomplishment. Would it have mattered to me if I had to give him formula? Not at all, I still would have been proud of what DS and I did.
I agree that you need a fabulous support system to EBF. My DH (who was not totally on board with bf'ing when I told him I wanted to do it) was my biggest support.
I don't judge women who FF. That is their choice and their right to decide how to feed their child. What makes me sad is that the lack of education regarding bf'ing. I know several people who have given up bf'ing and afterwards they say "If only I had known. . . " One friend stopped during a growth spurt because her baby wanted to nurse every hour. She thought something was wrong and baby wasn't getting enough. Now she realizes that it was a growth spurt and that's what bf babies do. Another friend quit when her baby was a week old. She tried to pump to start a stash and only got an ounce. She assumed that meant she wasn't producing enough. Now she knows that it can be normal to get that type of output a 1 week pp.
BF'ing was the best choice for me and my child, but that doesn't make me a better mom than someone who FF.
You all suck.
I BF my son for the first 6 months. Just as he turned 6 months, I got Lyme disease and had to go on antiobiotics that were not safe for breastfeeding. We had lots of BM frozen, and supplemented with formula to get us through the time he couldn't have the fresh milk. Because of guilt created by posts like this, I pumped and dumped for 3 weeks, just so I could keep my supply up to continue BFing when the pills were gone. Well, when the pills were finished, my son would no longer nurse. I tried everything, including visiting LLL, but to no avail. I've been pumping every day for him, but I've had enough. I am miserable. The pump hurts, I acually have a raw spot/blister on one of my nipples. I have to pump every 2-3 hours to produce what he needs. He did fine with the formula bottles, and I know he'll be fine if we switch him over to formula completely. But I sit here miserable over the decision because people like you will say "Oh, she just gave up". What a bunch of snatches you all are.
And I'm laughing at those of you who have really young babies and are judging. Yes, the beginning is hard, but it doesn't become a cake walk the second your kid hits 2 months old. You have more problems in store for you, I guarantee it. Supply drops, thrush, who knows, maybe you'll get Lyme too? All I'm saying is keep your opinions to yourself. You never know when it could be you on the other side of the looking glass.
Why don't you judging "ladies" go spend your time judging moms that are actually hurting their babies. You have no clue why a woman chooses or has to FF and frankly it's none of your damn business!
I cannot imagine losing my breasts to cancer - BF or not.
I'm sorry.
See people?? You never really do know what reasons people have for FF, nor do you know what struggles they went through to reach that conclusion. Don't judge. As long as it's not something harmful, it's not of your business what someone feeds their baby.
I am always astonished by these threads from fellow moms. We all know how hard it is to raise a baby. There is no disputing it. We also know what mom guilt feels like, what it feels like to agongize over every decision. Saying that how in the world can you for a second judge a mother for a choice they had to make? A choice that I am sure was not easy to make. How?
I BFed for 4 months and loved it. I went back to work and was miserable trying to balance a demanding job and pumping. So I made the decision to quit. I can promise you my son benefited so much more from a happy mother than he did from BM from a mom who was exhausted and resentful over trying to balance it all.
And like the pp said you moms with tiny babies are the most laughable in your judgements. You have no idea what is in store for you. I hope for your sake everything goes easy, but please get off of your high horse and be supportive of other moms rather than witches who just sit and judge.
Get ready to gasp in horror! I FF from the time my daughter was 6 weeks old. I stopped BF because I hated it. It made me miserable. I cried everyday and I dreaded every moment I had to do it. This is because of PPD. As soon as I made her her first bottle of formula I was like a whole new person. I actually was able to enjoy bonding time with my daughter.
So take a look at my daughter in my sig. Last I checked she didn't grow a 3rd foot or arm. She is extremely healthy.
So get off your high horses and quit patting your backs for sticking with something that was oh so hard.
It's funny how all you judgies have all of a sudden disappeared after we came on here and blasted your douchery.
CDH, born 10/26/09.... now I see a family, where there once was none.
I have to say, I'm actually LOL at this. At first, I was insulted and then I was amused. It's incredibly funny to me how people tend to think that formula is THAT much inferior to breastmilk - sure it's not the "au natural" way to go and there is undisputed benefits to breastfeeding; however, (and this is a big however), breastmilk is marginally better than formula. There is NO conclusive studies to some of the claims that paint breastmilk as a magical elixer (way to many variables and factors to factor in). In fact, each mother's breastmilk is different and is probably contigent on what the mother, herself, consumes (obviously). I am HIGHLY educated and well read on the benefits of breastmilk and have read many of the clinical studies - so, guess what - it's not necessarily a lack of education that drives women to formula feed (I totally agree that sometimes a lack of support is an issue, but on the otherhand pushing a woman to do something she does not want to do, isn't really productive, either). My individual circumstances lead me to formula feed - so PLEASE do not feel sorry for my children!!! They are incredibly intelligent (so far! lol) and healthy.
I wholey support breastfeeding for others, and with my next child I will try (I a fully realize that I will probably not try hard according to some of your standards). So, please all you Judgy McJudgies, keep your comments to yourself; because, it really doesn't work for everyone! Feed your babies however healthy way you choose! Breastmilk of formula - neither are poison and both are healthy. Just take care of your babies:)
I'm LOL at all of the Mom's with 2 and 3 month old babies that are SO PROUD of their EBF...Are you even back at work yet? Have you had to pump even once yet? Have you had to travel at all? Have you had to leave your baby overnight for a business trip? That's great that you made it to 2 or 3 months, woot for you. Let's see you post in a few months and you let me know how it's going, mmmkay?
To make someone else feel like shiit for feeding their baby? For real? Klassy women over here nowadays.
It makes me sad to see this post on this board. The BFing board used to be a wonderful board where people could come for help and advice, not to get slapped in the face if they weren't able to BF, for whatever reason. I am a huge breastfeeding advocate, and I'm really disgusted by this post.
You fricken rock....I love you for your post! And I love you even more because you are a SURVIVOR! Congrats on your beautiful baby.
By the way (to the original poster), I strictly FF from day one because I wanted to....my choice and I don't regret it for one bit. I never had the desire to BF....ever. Fast forward to 5 months (which is now) and my son is in the 95 percentile across the board, super healthy, and extremely attached to me.