"You're 10 month old is spoiled...you need to start spanking."

sweetpea7628 · December 2009

Indifferent

This is what my co-worker said to me the other day when we were talking about our kids.

Right now DD is testing her limits at home and at daycare. When she does something she's not suppose to (like steal a book from another kid at daycare or touch the tv) we simply say her name and she starts to fuss. Because she knows she's not suppose to do it but she wants to see if she can get away with it anyway.

Anyway, I was telling this to my co-worker and he said, "She sounds spoiled to me. You need to start spaking her to let her know who's boss." I literally just stood there with my mouth open and then walked away.

We will not be spanking at all but even if we did, we would NOT start at 10 months old!!! It shocks me how some people think.

moroccojade · December 2009

sunnyday016 · December 2009

That's insane. As if she would really "learn who's boss" by spanking her anyway. All she would understand is that mommy is hurting her and she doesn't know why. That's really sad, is your co-worker a parent?

Hippinski · December 2009

Someone had a great comeback for this...I just can't remember who. I think it was something along the line of 'if you mean spoiled as in well cared for, loved, fed, allowed to learn who she is and test limits and given the chance to grow as a human being then you are 100% right...she is spoiled and we will continue to spoil her'.

Seriously? What a douchenozzel.

On a side note...some girls from the EFF board from MN are getting together on Wednesday. I know you might know a few of them so if you want to get an invite e-mail me at hippinski@gmail. If not I totally understand seeing as you don't have out there much.

hula_lula · December 2009

no freaking way. Why would you DO that?!

I have a friend that would spank her nephew when she was watching him and he was under a year old. I'll never let her watch my kids. Ever.

sweetpea7628 · December 2009

Hippinski:

Someone had a great comeback for this...I just can't remember who. I think it was something along the line of 'if you mean spoiled as in well cared for, loved, fed, allowed to learn who she is and test limits and given the chance to grow as a human being then you are 100% right...she is spoiled and we will continue to spoil her'.

Seriously? What a douchenozzel.

On a side note...some girls from the EFF board from MN are getting together on Wednesday. I know you might know a few of them so if you want to get an invite e-mail me at hippinski@gmail. If not I totally understand seeing as you don't have out there much.

During the day? I work. Make it on a weekend or a Friday sometime so I can come!!! Or wait until I have my second baby and then I won't be working at all.

The_Spanish_Inquisition · December 2009

What a moron.

thomas930 · December 2009

<----- my face when I read this...

Hippinski · December 2009

sweetpea7628:
During the day? I work. Make it on a weekend or a Friday sometime so I can come!!! Or wait until I have my second baby and then I won't be working at all.

Wed night, 5 - 8, we will be ordering pizza & drinking wine. Kids totally welcome.

sweetpea7628 · December 2009

Hippinski:
sweetpea7628:

During the day? I work. Make it on a weekend or a Friday sometime so I can come!!! Or wait until I have my second baby and then I won't be working at all.

Wed night, 5 - 8, we will be ordering pizza & drinking wine. Kids totally welcome.

I'll e-mail you!

PhilsWife07 · December 2009

That sounds totally normal to me. DS started exhibiting that behavior around the same age.

I think your co-worker is the one in need of corporal punishment. Angry

brideofaussie · December 2009

Indifferent indeed.

I don't know if I'd ever be able to speak to that woman again.

JimsBride08 · December 2009

Wow. I would never look at that person the same. DS is starting to test limits too-I would never even think of spanking him this young, even if I agreed with spanking kids.

webMistress0609 · December 2009

My dad was big on spanking & hand smacking. He started smacking my little brothers' hands when they were about 6-7 months old & spanking around 9-10 months. Both of my brothers are like ADHD poster children & had aggression issues, & the smacking/spanking didn't correct the behavior either.

AutumnBride929 · December 2009

That is terrible! All my co-workers talk about spanking and I really can't join in on their conversation, lol. Not only because my child is nowhere NEAR being old enough for corporal punishment but... I certainly don't plan on using physical pain for discipline. It doesn't make sense to me.

lanie30 · December 2009

I have a coworker who said this same thing when I said Jo was going through a challenging tantrum phase. She said "well sometimes a few good swats change things. Shocks them, and quickly puts you back in control." She has no kids.

But I asked how she thought that hitting Jo would make her stop crying. She said it was "just for good measure!" Right. Yeah. No. Thanks though.

Also your DD is 10 months old. She has no consciousness of what is right or wrong so, so odd.

nattyncbride · December 2009

Hi, I'm a lurker. Off topic (as I totally agree spanking is ineffective and grew up in a household where I was disciplined without spanking), what do you do with your 10mo old after saying her name? Do you say no, do you try to explain (do 10mo old even understand 'reasoning'?)? This is a genuine Q from a first time mom-to-be.

JulieandBen · December 2009

I hope that man isn't a father.

lanie30 · December 2009

nattyncbride:
Hi, I'm a lurker. Off topic (as I totally agree spanking is ineffective and grew up in a household where I was disciplined without spanking), what do you do with your 10mo old after saying her name? Do you say no, do you try to explain (do 10mo old even understand 'reasoning'?)? This is a genuine Q from a first time mom-to-be.

I just redirect. IMO if your 10 month old is into something they shouldn't, you can only redirect. They won't remember your lessons, they don't understand "Josephine, please do not hurt andrew. That was mean of you." They have no concept of don't or hurt. We do a lot of emotion-showing type of redirection. When Josephine would bite or hit, we'd show that we were hurt and say "ow!!!" and then say "we bite our food, not people." and redirect.

At 10 months they aren't doing things intentionally or with malice. I'm amazed when people say things like "She's doing it just to push us/annoy us/be stubborn." Um, no, she's trying things over and over again because she's 10 months old. it has nothing to do with "pushing you."

It gets harder. Because an almost 2 year old can stomp and throw and scream and yell "BAD MOMMY!" But we keep trying. And we know what sets her off so we avoid it.

jen_and_tom · December 2009

nattyncbride:
Hi, I'm a lurker. Off topic (as I totally agree spanking is ineffective and grew up in a household where I was disciplined without spanking), what do you do with your 10mo old after saying her name? Do you say no, do you try to explain (do 10mo old even understanatind 'reasoning'?)? This is a genuine Q from a first time mom-to-be.

I try to redirect and give + alternatives when possible. We're huge fans of 'one-finger touching'. It's amazing how many things are okay for her to touch with one finger w/o her doing damage. Then, for things she really can't touch like the dog's food, power cords, etc we say "not for Paige" or "not for Paige - owie". We try to keep it simple but give her a little more information as to why we're saying no.

jen_and_tom · December 2009

webMistress0609:
My dad was big on spanking & hand smacking.

This makes me sad - your poor brothers. Have you read Dr. Sears' take on hitting hands? He describes their hands as being sacred - their tool to explore their world.

lanie30 · December 2009

fredalina:
Sadly, i know people who would smack the hand of a less-than-one-year-old and not even have any concept that it's "wrong" or even ineffective.

Lurker, i agree with Lanie in that redirection is pretty much all you can do with infants and young toddlers. But even at 6 months i already say "it hurts mommy when you pull my hair, please give it back", take my hair away, and give her something else to play with and/or move her away from my hair lol. Stuff like that. It doesn't hurt to tell them even if they can't understand. They will at some point; meanwhile it's all just language immersion .

Of course. We explain and Josephine now understands. But it can make them even more frustrated when you're babbling on calmly and they haven't a clue. At least that's what happened with my child. The more words you used? Yeah, the worse it got. We kept things simple with redirection. One sentence sort of thing.

nattyncbride · December 2009

lanie30:
nattyncbride:
Hi, I'm a lurker. Off topic (as I totally agree spanking is ineffective and grew up in a household where I was disciplined without spanking), what do you do with your 10mo old after saying her name? Do you say no, do you try to explain (do 10mo old even understand 'reasoning'?)? This is a genuine Q from a first time mom-to-be.
I just redirect. IMO if your 10 month old is into something they shouldn't, you can only redirect. They won't remember your lessons, they don't understand "Josephine, please do not hurt andrew. That was mean of you." They have no concept of don't or hurt. We do a lot of emotion-showing type of redirection. When Josephine would bite or hit, we'd show that we were hurt and say "ow!!!" and then say "we bite our food, not people." and redirect.
At 10 months they aren't doing things intentionally or with malice. I'm amazed when people say things like "She's doing it just to push us/annoy us/be stubborn." Um, no, she's trying things over and over again because she's 10 months old. it has nothing to do with "pushing you."
It gets harder. Because an almost 2 year old can stomp and throw and scream and yell "BAD MOMMY!" But we keep trying. And we know what sets her off so we avoid it.

Thanks everyone for all the info. Sounds like keeping things simple and redirection are key.

cobaltblue · December 2009

I would have laughed at him in a totally condescending way and made a sarcastic comment, because he is an idiot. (This makes me SO mad.)

stever · December 2009

moroccojade:

This.

cmrand4 · December 2009

So sad---not only harmful to the baby but ineffective. I would assume that most parents probably spank out of their own frustration which is totally unfortunate...maybe there needs to be more parent education but you'd think this would be common sense. My pedi actually hands out literature at well visits telling parents not to spank their babies. 10 mos old is a baby!!!! Spanking can cause serious injury and even death in infants.

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