Anyone else feel like something was wrong?

stellahav · December 2009

From the time I got pregnant, I always thought something was wrong. I told my doctor at my first U/S I thought something was wrong. I never bought anything for Baby. I didn't buy the Christmas cards I designed announcing our new arrival, even though I was in 2nd tri. I bought hardly any maternity clothes even though I needed them. My morning sickness stopped and my appetite disappeared. But you can't call the doctor and say "I'm not hungry, I think something is wrong."

After I started to m/c, I thought back to all of the "signs," and realized that I'm not surprised at what has happened. I'm still terribly sad and upset. But when the spotting started, I didn't even cry (I have plenty since). It's like I knew it was going to happen.

Clerk9 · December 2009

My only real "sign" that something was wrong was feeling like something was wrong. It was a strong enough feeling that we wound up in the ER on Thanksgiving. I am so glad that we did & found out then.

I'm so, so sorry for your loss. When I told my sister about what happened to us & about not really having any outward "signs", she said: "Look, you're a good mother already." Kind of made me feel a little better.

Take care of yourself, & please don't hesitate to ask for support on here when you need it.

Meghan1017 · December 2009

I was scared the entire pregnancy that I was going to miscarry. Probably up until week 8, every time I went to the bathroom I'd be completely gripped with fear that when I stood, I was going to see a toilet full of bright red blood. Two nights before my 8 week appt I cried to my mom about how scared I was, and that I'd just feel better once I heard the heartbeat and knew everything was ok. I remember how relieved I was after my 8 week appt when the midwife told me everything looked ok, and I'd be having an u/s a few days later. Physically, though, I never had any signs I'd lose this baby...no cramping, no pain, no spotting. My m/s went away 2 days before my u/s, but at the time I was so relieved, I'd been feeling so sick for weeks. It never occurred to me to worry.

Gwyn1030 · December 2009

My first m/c, I think I knew. I'd had spotting, and evened dreamed about miscarrying. So when it happened I was devastated, but not totally surprised. My second pregnancy, I was SURE something was wrong, because I had bleeding through most of the 1st tri. And it all turned out to be fine.

This time, I had no suspicions at all. I felt great. I was 99% sure nothing was going to happen. And then I went in at 14 weeks and there was no heartbeat, even though at 10 weeks everything was fine. My doctor was as shocked as I was. So I guess what I'm saying is that I no longer trust my gut when it comes to these things.

Temp950106187509203 · December 2009

I sort of had a feeling. I felt guilty about feeling that way, because I loved the baby (or at least, I wanted to), but I had this niggling suspicion in the back of my mind that it wasn't going to work out. I feel like in my case it was something of a gift. I was (and am) still devastated, obviously, but I feel like I had a little bit of a head start on the grieving process.

My only other indication was that I was never sick. I'd get nauseated if I didn't eat frequently, but I never threw up. I know that's not a real indication that any thing is wrong--some people just don't get morning sickness.

Pixiestx · December 2009

The day before I tested I was out with a friend, I was pretty sure I was pg, but I told her "if I'm pregnant I'm convinced I'll have a miscarriage because I don't think I could get pregnant on the first try and have it work out". At 8 weeks, my symptoms went away for a day and I sat in a dark room all night convinced I was going to miscarry. When I made it to 12w u/s I was feeling more confident, but was still worried. When the tech put the baby up ont he screen she didn't say anything for 20-30 sec and I didn't see the baby move at all and was waiting for her to say there was no heartbeat. There was and there was some slight movement, but it never sat well with me. Still though, I thought I must have been wrong and we really were that lucky because I never believed something could happen so late. When we found out about the baby's problems I thought I knew it was too good to be true.

ETA: I totally forgot until reading responses more that with my daughter I concieved a week before lap surgery for a blocked tube. When I found out a week after surgery I really believed it would work out because I didn't think that the pregnancy would have survived the surgery if it wasn't meant to be. That's why I really believe it was my intuition that was the reason for the negative thoughts.

Linny0316 · December 2009

I'm actually sort of relieved in a way over this post because I was getting on to post something very similar to this. I have been feeling guilty because even before we were pregnant I would get on to the getting pregnant board and then find myself on this one lurking. I just had this feeling in the back of my head that when I did get pregnant I would not be that way for long. Now I feel like maybe I was lurking over here to prepare myself with other peoples stories and strength.

When I started bleeding a couple days ago I wasn't surprised, my first thought was this is it. However this whole time I've been feeling like maybe my negative thoughts had something to do with it like that self fulfilling prophecy thing. Now that I've seen some of your stories I am comforted to know that it was just natural intuition.

madladybride · December 2009

Yes, the first time I was completely paranoid and I did not want to tell anyone. There ended up being something wrong.

The second time I was more relaxed. However, when I got my BFP I was not excited/happy, just scared to death. I felt ok. Then I was on the first tri board reading about a woman who had mc'd at 7/8 wks, but with very few symptoms - a few drops of red blood and some brown spotting, but that was IT. After I read the post, I remembered thinking - that's what's going to happen to me. I know that sounds really strange, but it's true.

At my 11w NT scan, there was only a sac and I can't say I was terribly surprised, just sad...

Sonadora · December 2009

I was looking for blood every single time I wiped. From day one. I was insistent that our parents not tell a soul about it until we knew things were ok or not. I kept expecting to see blood for no good reason. I never did though and was honestly surprised each time I wiped and didn't see it. I lurked on 1st Tri but never posted, and found myself over here lurking instead.

When I went to my first appointment and the doctor couldn't find a h/b and said I was measuring 2 weeks behind what I should be (really not possible based on when I got a BFP), I wasn't terribly suprissed, just upset and panicky. I just wish it could have been over then rather than seeing a h/b a couple days later and having to wait for it to eventually stop because it was too slow and the baby wasn't growing fast enough.

WBMae · December 2009

I was nervous and felt that something was wrong from the beginning, but I couldn't pinpoint what it was. I did not feel the same as I did with my first pregnancy. I kept telling my husband I didn't feel sick enough. The morning my m/c began I felt extreme nausea, but it was still different than the m/s I felt with my first pregnancy. When the bleeding began I was so upset, but not completely shocked because it was almost as if deep down inside I knew something was wrong.

jhansen3 · December 2009

I was worried from the day I got my BFP. Everytime I wiped I would look to see if there was blood. I never bought anything and I never got m/s. I felt guilty for being so worried, but couldn't shake the fear.

jennaanddan · December 2009

I always worried that something was wrong.

I felt pretty good the whole time I was pregnant - no m/s and very few other symptoms. I was on the 1st tri board at the time and I would see so many posts and other peoples' siggies mentioning "missed miscarriage." I thought to myself, "That will happen to me." Then my symptoms all but went away around 7 weeks; I tried to stay positive, just as everyone who I talked to about it told me to. Basically, I thought I was just awesome at being pregnant until it was confirmed at what should have been our 11 week appt. that the baby stopped growing at 5-6 weeks. My body never did anything about it. So I guess my fears were warranted. Sad

pepomntpat · December 2009

I had no idea until the spotting started. Even though it was just brown and everyone said it was probably leftover implantation bleeding, I knew it was not going to be okay. And then my breasts stopped hurting and even though the heart was beating on the u/s, and doctor was trying to tell me my dates were off, I knew it wasn't going to turn out well.

Dammit, I am the mother...why would no one listen to me.

vegas517 · December 2009

I knew something was wrong "that day", even though I had no bleeding, and only a minor cramp or two. I was at school, and had just thrown up my lunch and for some reason, something felt different, I just thought to myself, "this is it, it's over." I called my dr, and he said to come in for a reassurance u/s as we had heard the hb a week earlier. There was no longer a hb.

I had even had a terrible nightmare around week 6 where I received an email that said "Your pregnancy has been cancelled. Your refund is in the mail." I think, just like I knew that I was pregnant and took a test to confirm, I knew it had ended, even if my body didn't.

lisamarie_04 · December 2009

No, I didn't see my loss coming at all. I was completely blindsided to be honest. I had a completely healthy and problem free pregnancy. I had no morning sickness and complained that I had to go the doc each month so I could pee in a cup, they could weigh me, and take my blood pressure. I was a naive and carefree pregnant lady. When I noticed my son hadn't been moving I thought about the reading I had done and figured since I was 36 weeks, he had "run out of room" or was in an "extended sleep cycle" because I had been pretty active. When we called the hospital and told the doctor what was going on, he reviewed my chart and seemed very certain that everything was fine. I didn't even start to get nervous until we went to the hospital and they put the heart monitor on me and all I could hear was my own heartbeat

My next pregnancy will be a different story. I'm sure I will worry about everything and thinkg that something is wrong.

Court1 · December 2009

I haven't really talked about this with anyone. The second the nightmare sonogram started I knew it was over, and my mind immediately thought "you've known all along". This is our second child & this pregnancy was different. Not lacking m/s in the first tri though, that was never a problem. At our 13 1/2 week appt the dr had a hel! of a time trying to find the heartbeat. She found it for like 2 seconds and said it was in the 130's. I asked about 15 times before I left if she was sure she found it, and if everything was ok. I went into that appt with an eerie feeling that bad news was on the way. I had a hard time shaking it after that, even with her reassurance that everything was fine.

What's even more eerie is that our baby was likely dying at this exact time.Looking back, I should have requested another sono. Every time they put that doppler on my stomach with my son, it sounded like a horse race. By about 16 weeks I kept looking in the mirror thinking, WTF, why am I not getting bigger? I put on maternity shirts from my last pregnancy & they looked ridiculous.

I got through by rationalizing that I'd had extreme morning sickness & topped it off with the stomach flu. My heart knew something wasn't right. I remember feeling very panicky in the days leading up to the "big sonogram" & walking back to that room haunts my memories. Before the tech started, my husband looked at me & said "we need to fatten you up, you've lost way too much weight & barely look pregnant". The instant the tech put the wand down I knew that wasn't a living 17 week old fetus, but that it was over. I felt no real surprise, but instead a feeling of being unable to breath & wanting to run out the door.

This whole experience makes me wonder what next time will bring. Will I instantly know that this is our "forever baby", or will the haunting experience of this loss bring on high levels of anxiety? Only time will tell that story.

Court1 · December 2009

Oh, and as if my post needs to be longer....

I found myself lurking on this board about a month before we found out about the missed m/c. It was the stories of the missed m/c's that haunted me long before I knew. I remember thinking "I bet that's going to happen to me". Maybe it was my mind's way of preparing me, but it's so strange. I was on the bump with my son, and never would have hung out over here during my pregnancy. So long story short, in retrospect, yeah, I totally knew. It's just every woman's worst nightmare & you tell yourself it's your crazy hormones talking.

iggy.d · December 2009

Court1:
I found myself lurking on this board about a month before we found out about the missed m/c. It was the stories of the missed m/c's that haunted me long before I knew.

This! Exactly this!

From the day I got my BFP I felt it wasn't really going to end with a baby. I was constantly worried, and even though I'm a worrier by nature, I just never had a good feeling.

lauranne · December 2009

I too had a nagging feeling that things weren't "right." We told our best friends shortly after I found out I was pregnant, and I really didn't want to tell them due to that nagging feeling. I was constantly looking at the toilet paper after going to the bathroom, even though I never spotted with my first. I don't know if it was a gut feeling or mothers' intuition or whatever, but I hate that I had that nagging feeling, almost like I knew.

Clerk9 · December 2009

The ER doc who told us the bad news was totally expecting to do a routine u/s for reassurance. She told me that it never ceases to amaze her how "mothers just know" & that she's seen this numerous times. It was comforting, but at the same time it still rings in my ears that she called me a "mother" & here I have no baby.

But she was very forthcoming & shared her personal story of having 2 m/cs before having her 2 children, which I appreciated.

We also were mailing packages to our parents to break the big news on Thanksgiving, & I had extreme feelings of dread everytime I thought about mailing them, right up until when we did.

In a way, it is kind of comforting that if we just "listen" to our bodies, we can sometimes tell a whole lot more than even the doctors...

Thank you all for sharing your stories.

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