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Normally I'm not paranoid, but...
Last night I spoke with a couple of friends re: my marriage issues. They were supportive (with the exception of one or two douchey comments). Today, they both sent me emails canceling on my birthday get-together next week, with random excuses about forgetting they already had plans that night. Both of these friends are married to good friends of my H.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Normally I'm not paranoid, but...
How much information did you share with them? What were their comments?
Do you think they told their husbands?
That really sucks. ?I would come to your GTG if I were closer.
::hugs::?
Well, it could be true... but, yea I would wonder. I would see if they make the next move in asking to GTG again, if now, i'd wash my hands of them. I would still be your friend no matter what problems you and DH were having.
Oh, I'm so sorry. That really sucks.
I just told them the basics. We're having issues, I want to fix things, H isn't sure he does, and that we're both responsible for how we got to this point. I didn't bash my H or call him names or anything. They pretty much responded with sympathy (although one did ask if cheating was a factor - it's not), and said they were here for me. And I'm pretty sure that their husbands already knew because my H has been much more open with his friends about this than I have. So they may have already known. I just think they're uncomfortable and don't want to deal with it.
To be honest, I've gone through this with friends before. I'll wager a guess and say that they may not want to be stuck in the middle, so they're just going to back off altogether. It sucks and I know it feels crappy, but they're in a nasty spot too. If they're friends with both of you, it's not fair that they should feel (intentionally or not) like they're going to have to choose sides.
And this is how it feels when you are friends with both people in the marriage.
I'm sorry you're going through this on top of everything else. Maybe this can be a time to strengthen friendships with people that are only connected to you and only care about your well being.
I agree with PP. I'm guessing they are a bit worried that it may put them in an awkward position within their own marriages. If they take your side, and their DHs are taking your husband's side, that can cause all sorts of issues in their own relationships.
Also, I'm wondering if your DH is being less than honest with his friends? Do you think he could be painting you as the culpable party, and maybe his friends have let a little bit of that come into conversation with their wives? Maybe when they heard your side of the story, they had already heard a different version and didn't believe you?
That's really rough. I personally wouldn't share too much information with these friends, since they may be too close to the situation to be impartial. Do you have other close friends who are not friends with your H?
That's just it. I've gone to school with these girls since junior high. One of them actually introduced me to my H. And I would never expect them to take sides. I didn't expect a big pity party or anything. I understand the discomfort, and I wouldn't want to put anyone in a bad position. I just wanted a night out with my girlfriends.
Ah, that really sucks. And you deserve a night out with your friends, but it still may be an uncomfortable topic for them. Do you think the one who introduced you is feeling a little bit guilty for introducing the two of you? Maybe she feels like it's her fault you're unhappy?
Whatever the reasons, it seems there are underlying issues with these "friends" that is causing them to act like this. They don't sound like very good friends.