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Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
Not sure what to do
I posted yesterday about the Fetal Cystic Hygroma that my baby has. I am 12w1d today. I had CVS done and the prelimary results came back as not able to analyze. So, they are going to grow the cells and won't know anything for 2 weeks. Now, I hope no one is offended by the options here, but, DH and I are considering terminating now. It isn't a mild Cystic Hygroma, there is also hydrops (which I understand as organ failure). The fluid measured over 7, which is really high. So, without telling us in so many words, there really isn't any hope. Do I wait to miscarry on my own? And if that doesn't happen, risk issues with termination later? I just don't know. DH thinks as well that the risk is higher to wait.
I am not asking anyone to make my decision, we are going to talk with our genetic counselor tomorrow, but I want to know if anyone else had to make a similar decision. I am also 35 which puts me high risk, and overweight:-(
I never thought I would be in this situation, but when I saw that puffy baby I knew something was horribly wrong.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Not sure what to do
I didn't have the same situation, I have Pre-E with my twin girls and I had initially been told that I had to consider terminating. It later turned into I had to. I was 23 weeks to the day when my girls were born. I had to give the ok and make the decision of when to induce. Ultimately it was out of my hands cause if I hadn't all three of us wouldn't have been here. But I do still feel I had to decide that.
I wish you luck in your decision. It is something NO one should ever even have to consider. But know that if you decide to go through with it you are doing it to help your baby. You are doing what you have to as a Mother. I know that there will be guilt. I know I still have guilt in my heart, but I know in my head that it was something that had to be done. I am here if you ever need me. Keep in touch and try to stay strong. It sounds like you have a good DH! You and your family are in my thoughts!
BFP #2 4/13/10. Bridget born 12/28/10
BFP #3 Finn born 8/11/15
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I just am so sorry.
All I can offer you is what we decided, and it is just what we did. You must do what is right for you and your DH. Once it was confirmed by multiple docs that our baby would never survive, we elected to end the pregnancy to spare the baby any suffering, and to avoid getting so far along that I would have to deliver. I was only a few days away from the second trimester, and I really did not want to go through that if there was absolutly no hope of any kind for my baby.
Our docs encouraged us to go with the d&c and we took their advice after much soul searching and crying. And we knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that there was no hope for our child. If there had been even a glimmer, we never would have ended the pregnancy. But there just wasn't.
I will tell you my DH and I are very at peace with our decision, and have never had a moment's feeling that we did something wrong. We feel it was the loving thing to do.
Again, whatever you decide is the right decision. In this situation, you can only do what is best for your family.
I am so, so, so sorry that you are in this position, and that this is happening to you.
I terminated my little girl. She was suffering greatly and we would not allow that to happen. It is a tough choice. If you want to learn more... read my siggy.
On a side note, if you ever want to chat.... let me know. I have been in your shoes... I know what it is like. I know the emotions that you face now and the emotions that you will face later if in fact you choice to terminate. I would never pressume to tell you what direction to take. That is your and DH's choice- not ours. I have spoken on the phone w/ some of the ladies from his board - and it really was helpful for both parties. PM me if in case....
PS- I believe you are pretty safe here from judgement. If anyone ever overstepped their bounds on that topic- they would get the wrath of many boards upon them.
((hugs)))
This, definitely. This board is (or, at least, we try to keep it) a 100% safe space. You have the most heartbreaking decision in the world to make, and everyone who has lost a child--under whatever circumstances--knows that and does not want to add to your pain. Even if there are people here who may strongly disagree with certain choices, this is not the place to discuss those positions, and I think everyone abides by that rule. People who say negative things to our girls tend to feel the wrath of a lot of people. Please come here for support and comfort whenever you feel the need, and don't be afraid of sharing whatever is on your mind. We are all here for you. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers.
Very well said ladies. And very true.
Thank you so much everyone. I am making an appointment tomorrow with the genetics counselor for one last assessment. It doesn't help that we are also closing on our new house 2.5 hours away on Friday:-( Happy times, but very sad times because of our little peanut. I keep imagining I am cramping, for hopes that we don't have to decide. Never thought I would 'hope' for something like that. I will keep you guys posted as to what happens.
Thanks again. I don't know what I would do without you girls...and to think I just posted here for the first time yesterday.
We closed on our house a week or so before our loss as well. So many emotional things happening at one time. The fact that we all get out of bed every morning makes me so proud. I really mean that.
We were in your position as well, and chose to terminate since we knew our baby wouldn't live. It was almost 2 weeks between finding that out and the procedure and every day I hoped it would be the day I would go into labor. Don't feel bad about thinking that. Lots of hugs to you and your husband to get through this together.
Mom to Teagan 4.11.07 and Cora 9.30.11
D&E @ 22w 9.30.09 CMV infection BFP 10.15.10 C/P 4w4d
We had a poor prenatal diagnosis and we made the heartbreaking decision to terminate. My termination did not go as planned - I elected to have a D&E and ended up going into labor. At my post-labor checkup, my Dr. tried to remove some clots from my cervix and I started to hemorrhage. I was rushed to the hospital via ambulance and had an emergency D&C.
For us, we went ahead and scheduled everything. I was 34 when this happened in April. It is a terrible position to be in. We didn't want to ever have to do this, but we knew in our hearts it was the right decision. It was the decision that we could live with.
Honestly, you and your DH have to make this decision. We agonized over ours, but in the end we knew it was the right one. We were just upset/angry/sad that we had to make it.
In the end, we knew and still know that the decision we made was the right one for us.
Good luck!
PS I'd recommend the boards at Babycenter.com - Poor Prenatal diagnosis and Termination for medical reasons to get other perspectives
My DH and I were in your shoes in 2006 with our first pregnancy. Our little girl was also dx with a cystic hygroma and her fluid levels were over 13mm. We met with 2 doctors and we were given no hope for her survival. We choose to terminate. I was 11wk6d when we found out and did the CVS and I was 13wks when we did the D&E. The CVS showed no chromosomal problems with her, the hygroma is what they called a fluke incident and didn't expect it to happen again in future pregnancies. It was the hardest decision we have ever made. I am so so so sorry you are having to go through this. It was very rough for me for months after all of this, but looking back I know we made the best decision for us.
I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers....if you want to chat, you can find me mainly on the SAIF board....
After a loss at 13wks and years dealing with IF and failed treatments (3 failed IUI and 1 failed IVF), we have been blessed with DS (surprise BFP) and now his little sister (2nd round of clomid and TI) on her way.