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Does this make me a horrible wife?

Mrs.UmmMrs.Umm member
in Trying to Get Pregnant

DH and I usually stay home for Christmas, and go visit his family on the weekend after. My grandfather does Christmas dinner, and we go over there when DH isn't working (he has to work Christmas every other year). Well, this year, SIL and MIL want us to come there for Christmas Day, since DH isn't working and we've got the time off to go.

I totally understand that DH hasn't seen his family on Christmas day in years, but I just don't want to go for a few reasons.

1. SIL is pregnant with her 3rd and after 13 cycles and being sure that I would be KU by this Christmas, it's hard. 

2. SIL doesn't want to host Christmas dinner, she just wants us to come over in the morning to watch the kids open their presents. We would be on our own for dinner.

3. When we go to my Grandfather's, it's a family tradition that everyone is a part of. Everyone is welcome and we all enjoy ourselves. I feel like SIL just wants us to come watch HER family, but we're only visitors, not really a part of things.

I feel horrible telling DH this, because I don't want him to think we can't spend the holidays with his family. But, at the same time, I want to enjoy the holidays with my husband and not be stressed out.

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Re: Does this make me a horrible wife?

  • MSC03MSC03 member
    Can you do both? Our compromise this year is that we're going to his mom's early on Christmas eve to give the kids their presents, but then leaving to go and hang out with my family.
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  • Mrs.UmmMrs.Umm member

    imageMrsSummitCounty:
    Can you do both? Our compromise this year is that we're going to his mom's early on Christmas eve to give the kids their presents, but then leaving to go and hang out with my family.

    No. I forgot to add that DH's family is 3 hours away, which is why we go over the weekend.

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  • mchupiemchupie member

    imageMrsSummitCounty:
    Can you do both? Our compromise this year is that we're going to his mom's early on Christmas eve to give the kids their presents, but then leaving to go and hang out with my family.

    I agree with MSC.  If SIL just wants you to go over and your on your own for dinner, why not go to your Grandpa's for dinner then?  Do they live far from each other?

    I completely understand your feelings, but I'm sure your DH would really appreciate it if you were able to spend Christmas with his family for once if you can work it out that way.

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  • MSC03MSC03 member
    Well, the circumstances aren't ideal, but if he really wants to see his family, he should get a turn at it.
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  • synchrosallysynchrosally member
    You're not a horrible wife.  I can understand your reasons and it's too bad you can't do both.  If DH has his heart set on going, perhaps you can let him have it this year. It's sometimes hard to balance the two halves of the family.  We do it by alternating years.  Talk to your H.
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  • renafaithrenafaith member
    If your DH really wants to go, you need to go. But, I'd discuss your feelings with him beforehand so he'll kind of know what will be going on in your head when you get there. So, if you're acting weird he won't get mad and can make up excuses for you and stuff.
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  • campbersoncampberson
    imageMrs.Umm:

    imageMrsSummitCounty:
    Can you do both? Our compromise this year is that we're going to his mom's early on Christmas eve to give the kids their presents, but then leaving to go and hang out with my family.

    No. I forgot to add that DH's family is 3 hours away, which is why we go over the weekend.

    It isn't ideal, but three hours is do-able.  DH and I have a similar situation and we make it work.  We do Christmas morning (early!) with his family; eat breakfast and open gifts.  Then, we drive 2.5 hours to the other side of the state to do Christmas with my family.  It is slightly annoying to be in the car for that long ON Christmas, but if it means that we get to see both of our families, it's worth it to us!  

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