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Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
Counseling...long
So DH and I had a long talk yesterday. I have been pretty down the last week or so due to the girl at work that had to end her pregnancy at almost 24 weeks. A lot of people have been coming to me for support and it has just been overwhelming.
Anyway...DH said to me that my mood swings and behavior are depressing him and that he can't handle it. He is trying to hard to cheer me up and he is running out of steam. He doesn't know what to do to help. He says that I have been like this for a while...even before I got pg...and he thinks I should go to counseling to help me work some things out. He can't take it anymore and he thinks it is ruining our marriage.
I spent a lot of time thinking about this yesterday and he is totally right. Since seeing our RE for the first time 2 years ago I have been consumed with getting pg. Every second of every day has been spent thinking about getting pg, going through procedures, taking medication, getting pg, and losing the babies. I didn't realize it until he brought it up but I guess I have been a little neglectful. I just want this so badly and it isn't coming easily for us. It doesn't help that the fertility issues comes from DH and he doesn't think anything is wrong regardless of the test results.
So that being said, I am looking for a counselor to see to work through these things. I want to be happy again, I want to make DH happy, and I want our relationship and family to be happy. I am going to stop my temping and POAS and instead just "have some fun" in the bedroom. If it happens great...if not...I am not going to stress about it. I love my DH very much and I would do anything for him...as he would do for me...I need to start showing him that now. I also started a new work out routine and healthy eating plan. I am hoping that by getting fit I will also start to feel better too.
Sorry so long...just needed to get that out! Thanks ladies!
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Re: Counseling...long
I am sorry things have been so rough.
I went to counseling solo for a while and then started inviting DH along. It has really helped us to more effectively communicate our needs to each other. It is so great to have a neutral 3rd party who can make you see a situation in a way you haven't seen it before.
I hope it works out for you.
I am so sorry you are dealing with this on top of everything else. My DH and I started grief counseling a few weeks ago, and we are both so happy with how it is going. Even when a session doesn't feel like it led to any profound breakthroughs, we leave lighter and better able to face the week ahead.
I hope you find someone to help you both - good luck!
Hey you.....
As I think you know... I started counseling about a month ago. I have been twice and really enjoyed it. It puts things into perspective and has helped me process everything better and more clearly. I hope you find a couselor that fits. I would recommend that you approach it almost like an interview.... you really have to find a couselor that you feel comfortable w/... otherwise, it could be a bust.
You sound very much in control of your thoughts and feelings and will most likely benefit a lot from counseling. It's nothing to be ashamed of. You've been through so much and it's just another way to help you through it all. I love what therapy has done for me and my marriage. I too have been consumed by our quest to get pg and stay pg for the past almost 2 1/2 years and have caused a lot of strife in our marriage. I became very depressed and have to say that working out is the best medicine for that too. I wish you the best with therapy!
Oh and right now I'm down to seeing my therapist about every other week and DH and I are also seeing our couples therapist every other week (and will probably go to every 3 weeks with both after this next time).
I found that I had to visit several therapists to get one who understood the unique challenges that come with prolonged infertility. Its not normal grief that we are experiencing. Its not normal marital problems that are plaguing us. Infertility puts a special twist on these issues and, unfortunately, most counselors don't know how to address.
I tried the cournselors through my insurance trying to save money with a small co-pay, but none could meet my needs. It was exhausting to have to explain all the TTTC acronyms and infertilty jargon and it wasted my weekly hour and left me frustrated. I just need to talk and be understood and not have to give a reproduction lesson to the therapist.
I finally got referrals from my RE and local Resolve group and found a counselor I really clicked with. Made all the difference in the world. I have to pay out of pocket quite a lot, but its worth it.