Should I Invite...

daniellejeanne35 · November 2009

people who I know wont be able to go? I have some sorority sisters that I'm very close to who moved away after marriage or for grad school. I know they wont be able to come, but should I invite them to be nice? I feel I should, just for the "it's the thought that counts" aspect.

Opinions?

krissyh21 · November 2009

I would say no. I did not invite people who lived out of state since I knew they would not/should not fly out for 3 hours with me. Plus, in turn I did not want them to think I just wanted them to send a gift.

If you are close to them, mention that you are having a shower and see if there is interest in attending - if they say they would love to come THEN send an invite.

northtamarack · November 2009

I think that this is a tricky one. I would have loved to been invited and would have happily driven the 8 hours to be at my good friend from college's shower. And then there are others out there that see it as gift grabby/tacky. Personally, I'd send them to people and let them decide if they want to come or not. (this is for only people who you are very close with, not just aquantances.

hopefulmom · November 2009

I tend to agree with northtamarack. When my DD had her shower there were many people invited who lived out of state. People drove 4-6 hours to attend. A couple stayed at their house overnight and a few stayed in hotels. I was surprised at the amount of people who came from out of state. Your friends will decide whether they can come to your shower or not. Would YOU want to be invited to THEIR shower?

EastCoastBride · November 2009

My take on this- use caution. I feel like if they live so far away that you wouldn't invite them to a nice dinner at your house, or a party (birthday, holiday party, etc), then no, I wouldn't invite them to my shower either.

I really dont' get how showers have turned into these "be all/ end all" events where "everyone" has to be invited or people will be "hurt".

I personally think that most mature, rational, women are NOT going to be "hurt" to not be invited to a GIFT GIVING event they can't realistically attend.

DaisyGrl13 · November 2009

I would let the person decide if they want to come. My MIL did this with her side of the family for our wedding, and just didn't give me names instead of letting them decide...They got really upset that the decision was already made for them.

EastCoastBride · November 2009

DaisyGrl13:
I would let the person decide if they want to come. My MIL did this with her side of the family for our wedding, and just didn't give me names instead of letting them decide...They got really upset that the decision was already made for them.

This is kind of to my point. A WEDDING is far different from a shower. FAR different. And this is why, again, I don't understand how showers have started to be equated to events like weddings. Totally not the same on any level.

ocho2002 · November 2009

I use the flying rule. If they have to fly, don't invite them.

mrsmegs06 · November 2009

I invited family and close friends who lived out of town. Actually, a few of them came and I wasn't expecting them to be able to make the trek close to the holidays. If they are someone you are close with I would invite them. It's not being gift greedy if you are close with them in my opinion.

CKLee1107 · November 2009

EastCoastBride:
DaisyGrl13:
I would let the person decide if they want to come. My MIL did this with her side of the family for our wedding, and just didn't give me names instead of letting them decide...They got really upset that the decision was already made for them.
This is kind of to my point. A WEDDING is far different from a shower. FAR different. And this is why, again, I don't understand how showers have started to be equated to events like weddings. Totally not the same on any level.

Yes, a wedding is different than a shower. BUT, a shower is still supposed to be a 'once in a lifetime' party unlike the upscale dinner at your house. I think the guest list for a dinner at your house and your baby shower would be different and include people who might need to make a little more of a trip to be there. I agree with the Use Caution advice though. Like most people said, many can be hurt by not being invited and being allowed to choose if they want to make a trip. You can also offend people by inviting them. It is really a matter of finding the 'lesser of two evils' with this one IMO.

GL to the OP!

EastCoastBride · November 2009

CKLee1107:

a shower is still supposed to be a 'once in a lifetime' party unlike the upscale dinner at your house.

Eh, very true! Point taken. (However, there are a fair amount of ladies on this board for whom showers for every baby they have are the norm....). Definitely - women were invited to my shower that wouldn't be invited to my home on a normal basis.

I still contend, though, that it is not a wedding and not an "invite all" event. If you KNOW your Aunt, who lives 20 hours away, would be upset to not be invited, then absolutely invite her. But if you have family who you hardly ever see and couldn't produce their address if your life depended on it and you can't recall the last time you saw them - eh, maybe don't invite them.

That's really the "caution" I talk about.

CKLee1107 · November 2009

EastCoastBride:
CKLee1107:

a shower is still supposed to be a 'once in a lifetime' party unlike the upscale dinner at your house.
Eh, very true! Point taken. (However, there are a fair amount of ladies on this board for whom showers for every baby they have are the norm....). Definitely - women were invited to my shower that wouldn't be invited to my home on a normal basis.
I still contend, though, that it is not a wedding and not an "invite all" event. If you KNOW your Aunt, who lives 20 hours away, would be upset to not be invited, then absolutely invite her. But if you have family who you hardly ever see and couldn't produce their address if your life depended on it and you can't recall the last time you saw them - eh, maybe don't invite them.

That's really the "caution" I talk about.

Agreed. :-) There were people in Wyoming and California that my hostesses had to invite (aunt and great aunt) because we all would have been in trouble otherwise (mostly they just want the invite). Then there were people two towns away who just aren't "close" enough to invite--it would have definately felt like gift grabbing with those great aunts IMO. I definately support the 'use caution' and consider who you are sending invites to. It really does become a person by person choice.

daniellejeanne35 · November 2009

Thanks for all the advice ladies!

I talked to a few of my friends, and they said just to invite them. It will only be about 5 girls from my pledge class that I'm very close with that will be getting the out of town invites. Since this shower is the shower that my friends are throwing AT our old sorority house, it seems appropriate.

I'm personally don't agree with the multiple showers, so this is a 1...(well I guess 2 since my aunts are throwing me a family shower)...time event.

Thanks again!!

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