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Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
Checking in Tonight
Hello Ladies! I just first and foremost want to say that through this tough time i am so greatful and blessed to have been able to meet you all, and feel that i am no longer alone in this strugle that others really just do not understand.
I was wanting to check in with everyone and see how everyone is doing? I know you are probably thinking "how do you think we are doing", but I was just wanting to make sure everyone is doing okay, to the best we at this point in our lives can be doing, say god bless and thank you all for such support and that i am glad in this rough time to have found you all!
Anyone have anything planned for this weekend? Anything special? Night out with the DH or having relatives over?
Thoughts and Prayers are with everyone!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Checking in Tonight
Hi! I am still in pain from this stupid ectopic pregnancy. And still bleeding. Its bad enough that my heart is broken, on top of that, I have all this pain to remind me things didn't go correctly.
DH and I are going to a hockey game on Saturday night. Thankfully I can drink there. That's what I'm looking forward to.
How are you Butterfly?
Hey Katt. I am doing okay. I guess about the best i can be give the circumstances. Thinking about the loss of our son, yet trying to hold it together for the sake of my other son, and not looking forward too much to the upcomming holiday due to all the people saying "im sorry" and "you can try again soon". Just sometimes i want to bury my head in the sand, ya know.
DH and I will spend some quality time together Saturday night, as my son goes with his father on Sat. nights. So we always try to do something together whether we stay in and snuggle and watch the tv or go to a movie or just a ride around town. But also taking my son to have his portraits made on Saturday, which I am looking forward too, and not to sound mean but i hope there isn't anyone there with a baby....
When did you miscarry? How far along?
I completely understand not wanting to see any babies. I don't think it sounds mean at all. We have struggled with infertility for 3 years now. In the last 3 years I have become less tolerant of being around babies, not that I don't LOVE babies, but its a HUGE reminder of my failure, and it just hurts. I get it!
I miscarried on 11/10/2009. I was 18wks 2 days along with our son, Joel Mathew. I had been on bedrest for exactly 3 weeks to the day, heaving bleeding, and clotting since 15wks 2 days. I had an abrupted placenta with a rip/tear in it that really just wouldnt heal. Well, i ended up going into labor on the 10th and didnt know i was in labor until it was too late, i ended up having our baby here at home alone, with my 9 y/o son in the other room, while my DH was rushing home from work, but by the time he got home, it was too late.
(
I am really sorry for your loss. I noticed in your prior post you had a tubal? How far along were you? Again, I am really sorry you are going through this as well, I wouldnt wish any of this upon anyone, it is the worst! And i know what you mean by filling like a failure, but believe me, we werent failures, even though it is hard to believe and think that. I feel that i failed in some way shape or form, that I have a lot of shoulda, woulda, coulda and what ifs...
Yeah it was ectopic. I just found out on Tuesday. I was 7w1d. By far this is the hardest thing I've ever gone through. Since we've been struggling with TTC, there have been so many moments where I thought it would never happen, I would never be a mother. Getting that BFP changed that completely. It was finally my time, after all these years. Then to find out it really didn't work after all, was just a kick in the gut. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. It really is horrible.
What I went through doesn't even compare to your story. I'm so so very sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine. (((BIG HUGS))) Hang in there, I hope the pain eases. You didn't fail at all, you did everything for your little boy. No shoulda, woulda, couldas! You did everything right, and your son knows that you did.
ButterflyMommy,
You are so sweet to think of us! I feel so blessed to have all of you here for me to open up to. You all have been a life saver for me during this tough time!
Had my d&c today, yeah been functioning well physically. Been crying alot, but that's been me lately.
I do have good news, bought a house on Friday! Started moving in right away. I now have a bright yellow kitchen that I love, and painted two bedrooms and started the bathroom. Will have to do posts on my profile when getting closer to done.
Oh, and my dad is driving up 4 hours to see me and the new house! I always look forward to his company. I definitely have only child syndrome with him, but I have been slowly letting go of that, as I now share him with his new girlfriend and her larger family.
Thank you again everyone for everything you do for me and all the other ladies on this board! You are always in my T&P's!
Thank you so much for the kind words, and I hope that you can find comfort here with all of us. This has been such a great support group i can not even begin to describe. You will be in my thoughts and prayers, we will all get our chance, I Just know it, we just have to!
I hope this is not too touchy of a subject, but are you all going to TTC once your healed, physically and emotionally?
Yeah, we have to wait 2 cycles, so it will be after the first of the year. We'll do fertility treatments again. I'm sure the 2 month break will be good for us.
Thank you so much! I think everyone here is soo sweet, and I really do not know how i would keep my insanity on a minimal if it werent for the comfort of everyone here, i just do not feel so alone anymore, but i wish none of us were here, not for this, it just doesnt seem right you know.
I am so so sorry for your loss, you are in my thoughts and prayers and I pray for a good recovery for you.
Congrats times 10 on your purchase, that alone should keep you busy! Plus now, no more renting for you!! YEA!! I cant wait to see some pics of the house.
That is great that your father is comming up. I am such a daddies girl it isnt even funny, so i can sympathize with you on that one. Especially I am the baby of the family, with 3 older brothers, so my dad always kept me close to him, in his little "thats my only daughter bubble". He has been having a bit of a hard time with what happened with everything lately, but he is doing good, and he was a minister (retired), so he has really been helping me our spiritually through this, and reminds me that all is by the grace of god, and to just keep my faith, all things will heal in time, and that god has a bigger plan, and I look at it too that God needed my son, and now he is a peaceful restful place, a place that i too will one day meet him in.
doc told us to wait one cycle b4 ttc. I did my math and that sucks for money because our deductable starts over sept 1st so the chances of staying in that are slim. But it's worth it!
What are your plans for ttc ButterflyMommy? (BTW I have found huge strength in butterflies and thing that your name is BEAUTIFUL!)
I am not forsure when we will be able to start TTC, we go to the doc Fri. at 10:15am, and I am going to ask him that, b/c the last visit we had with him, we couldnt possibly think of another baby yet, but even though it has only been 1wk 3 days, we have already talked about it, and i feel guilty for that, but I am looking at it in the lines of that we are not trying to replace our son, but go ahead and expand our family and hopefully bring another baby into our lives, and give my son the bro/sis that he so dearly wants, as this really hurt him as well, and told me the day i told him about his little brother, that his baby bro was in heaven with god, and that we would be able to have another baby and if god need him/her too, that is okay. I mean the things that my 9 y/o says doesnt seem that it could come from such a small child, they truly know more than we give them credit for.
I wish you the best of luck on TTC!! I hope that we do not wait very long, I can so picture us with our baby boy, and like i posted earlier, god had other plans for him, and who am i to question that, but i know and pray that we will have another baby to bless our family.
Thank you for the compliment on my name, Butterflies are my favorite, i have them all over my house, and I find grace, goodness, strength and love within the butterfly, and to think that a butterfly can go from a caterpiller to a beautiful butterfly is amazing, that we all have our time to strech our wings and fly, and I hope that we all turn into butterflies soon and have the babies that we all so dearly want.
I'm doing okay. Bleeding has stopped, so not walking around wearing a veritable diaper anymore.
This weekend we are headed to NYC to see Yo Gabba Gabba on stage - hopefully a delight for my 2 year old!