- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Babies: 0 - 3 Months
I'm mourning my vaginal birth
I have to have a c-section. My baby is too big to turn on his own and too big for them to attempt to turn him.
I really wanted to experience labor and a vaginal childbirth. I kind of had my heart set on it. I know birth plans rarely go as planned, but I really wanted to go through it.
I am whining. I know. Once I see my baby's face these feelings will go away, right?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: I'm mourning my vaginal birth
Momma Maven In The Making!
It is very important to have a "it's for the best" attitude. My little one too was breech, didn't turn. We had to have a c-sec and it was just fine. Her birth was still incredibly special. I don't mourn having a vag birth at all anymore. Every time I see her fly her chubby little breech legs up in the air for a diaper change, I'm reminded of the fact that it's just the way she was in there. It was the first ofa million trillion things in childbirth and child rearing that do not go as planned. Pretty much just like life.
I think I gave you this advice last week. Give yourself time to mourn the experience now. That way when LO is here you do not look at her with any kind of regret.
Zach Rance 4 President
I agree...don't flame me either.
I had a vaginal birth but the baby got wedged and they had to vacuum her out. I tore in two areas and I'm still having troubles down there. She was only 7lbs 4oz. at birth, I couldn't imagine having a larger baby. It was very painful.
At first I was all like, "I can't believe I ever wanted to go natural, c-sections are totally the way to go." But now that I've had longer to think about it, I hate that I had to have a section. I hate that I never got to experience them putting my baby on my chest and those first few moments of bonding. Instead all I got to see of him was his face for a few minutes and then he was whisked away and I didn't get to see or hold him for an hour or two.
I try to make myself feel better by just being grateful that BFing is going so well for me, because really, if I could choose between a natural birth and being able to BF my child, it would always be BFing, hands down. But it still makes me sad that pretty much everyone in the world held him before I did. (My Mom, Dad and brother and my MIL, FIL, both SILs all held him before I did.) I think that next time we won't tell anyone when the baby is born. I really wanted DH and I to have some alone time with the baby before everyone else got to meet him.
Mom, why are you washing my feed in the sink?!
I'm sorry that you feel you are mourning your vaginal birth but it is what's best for you and your LO. I went through 26 hours of labor, 2 months of contractions (yes, hard ones that hurt), and ended up with a c-section after DS's heart rate dropped, I spiked a fever and after ALOT of blood loss. I fought tooth and nail to keep going but things were bad. In the end, I have a healthy baby boy, I'm healthy (still a little uncomfortable, but healthy) and home enjoying life again. We found out afterwards that we both could have died since my placenta was abrubting and I was badly bleeding.
Keep your head up and know it's what is best at this moment in time for you and your child. GL!
I am too. A c-section was the last thing I wanted, the poor doctor when I started sobbing when she said it had to be done.
I was upset because I felt I had somehow not done something right (although my body did my part of the job, it was my son who refused to drop) and also because having another baby will mean getting cut open again.
It's ok to be upset, but remember, whatever is best for your baby takes presidence.
100% understandable. I have significant issues with how my birth went. If you'd like to read my story, it's in my siggy.
This article also helped me.
https://www.babycenter.com/0_how-to-recover-from-a-bad-birth-experience_10302209.bc
I'm sorry but I strongly disagree with this, and not trying to be rude, but don't try to "one up" her by saying what you went through was worse. My birth was a nightmare but that doesn't mean she shouldn't be upset about how hers will go. It doesn't help. Seeing my LO made it worse for me for a while because I could not get out of bed and holding him hurt really bad.
when i found out i had to have a c section I made a point to tell DH and all my family that were at the hospital along with my nurses that ONLY DH was to hold DD until I got to hold her. I didn't want everyone else getting that chance before me and they all respected my wishes and DH got his time with her then when I got in the room we had our time as a family before people got to hold her. I will do this with out next one to if i have a c section again.
Yep that's what I got too since I have a retroverted uterus... so we got a vacuum delivery with a non-working epi and an emergency episiotomy oh my gawd. And that was on top of her jabbing around in my vagina with her whole hand during each "break" from contractions to keep his heart rate up high enough AND only getting a 25 second break in between contractions to push because his heart rate was soo low that we had to get him out ASAP and couldn't afford for me to rest, so then I got to push for 4 times per contrax instead of 3.... ugh... thinking of it now is just awful! And that's why I almost wish I'd had a c-section geez!
Momma Maven In The Making!
This. My baby was 8lbs 12 oz with a 14.5" head. I said no episiotomy unless absolutely necessary. I ended up with an episiotomy and a nasty tear.
My c-section was awesome. Wouldn't have changed a thing about that day. Very little pain. In and out of surgery quick. Planned made it less stressful and I wasn't too exhausted to take care of baby. Got up to walk that night. Left the hospital the next morning. I'm just thankful that I have a happy healthy baby in my life.
Oh, and sex feels just the same as it did before
I never dreamed that I would end up with an emergency c-section, but DH and I had a conversation about this while I was still pregnant because of a post I read on The Bump. The poster said that she had to be put out for her surgery and woke up to her whole family in her room holding her baby that she hadn't even seen yet. I told DH that if this ever happened to me I would be beyond pissed, especially at him for letting it happen. As it turned out, I did have a c-section and DH did great! He was the only one other than medical staff who had held DD.
In response to your ?, I do still mourn not being able to deliver vaginally. I have to constantly remind myself that it was not my fault and that the end result was the same: my beautiful, healthy DD.
Good luck!
I had to have a section because of a breech baby and I hated it. I had a vaginal birth with my first and the section was the complete opposite of what I wanted. Am I happy she is here and safe, absolutely. Am I still sad that she didn't come into the world in the way I wanted...you bet. Don't let ANYONE tell you that your feelings of sadness and loss aren't ok or real.
I do have a wonderful C-Section birth plan if you would like to see it. E-mail me at hippinski@gmail and I will get it to you.
I still mourn my vaginal birth. My baby was breech also so i had a scheduled c-section. I was devastated and it took me a long time to accept the fact that I wasn't going to have the natural birth experience I had hoped and planned for. My C-section went very well and I don't feel as bad about the experience now as I thought I would, however I am still very upset I did not get to experience childbirth. I get very upset when people say "oh, you're so lucky you didn't have to go through labor!" Well, not that I wish pain upon myself but I really want to experience labor & childbirth, it just seems so unatural that I was pregnant for 9 months, had a baby, yet have absolutely no idea what a contraction feels like.
Don't feel bad about feeling this way. Everyone will say Healthy Baby, Healthy Mom is the most important thing (and it is), but that doesn't mean you have to be happy about the situation. Look around on the internet, I found some great resources/sites that helped validate my feelings. I found that dealing with my feelings and working hard to be at peace with the fact that I needed a c-section BEFORE the surgery really helped me. Also, talk to your doctor about making the experience more personal (lowering curtain so you can see baby coming out, getting baby on your chest ASAP, etc)
Good Luck!!
Yet another breech baby here.. I had the exact same feelings when I found out I would have to have a c-section. It's totally normal to mourn what you probably pictured as your childbirth your whole life. That said, I can't tell you how many times since that day I have commented that I am glad I had the c-section. It was so easy, I got to hold him as soon as I was stiched up (that must vary hospital to hospital-I had none of the issues PP have mentioned), my recovery was quick and surprisingly pain-free (never took anything stronger than ibuprofen after the first day).. compared to the horror stories of my friends' vaginal births, I'm very pleased with how it went.
Don't beat yourself up for feeling bad about the delivery, but don't worry too much either. Once your baby is here, you won't hardly even think about how he got here!
CDH, born 10/26/09.... now I see a family, where there once was none.