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2nd Trimester
m/c 03.08.11 at ~9 weeks
Who is throwing your shower?
Has everyone in second tri already been offered a shower? I am confused about how long to wait and my family doesn't understand the tradition of showers (we are not American) so they are waiting to hear from DH's family (MIL and FIL are divorced and their families don't speak to each o ther).
My cousins have been calling me to ask about showers- I am due the last week of March and they want to plan their trips over to see me (they are all spread across the country, and some of them live in India but want to come here for my shower!). My cousin said that if we don't hear back from my MIL about a shower in the next month, she is going to get together with my sis and throw me one herself.
Now, the deal is that DH spoke to his mum about this a month ago and she said that "something will happen, but it's too early- you never know what could happen with the pregnancy"!
Now I'm worried about two issues:
1) Someone will throw a shower and leave part of the family out (my mum and sis weren't even invited to my bridal shower and are really upset about that) or it will be so last minute that my out of town relatives and my FIL's family will feel left out
2) MIL mentioned to DH that any showers that I do have will be 2 weeks before my due date, which I am NOT comfortable with!
Do I tell my cousin and sis that they can go ahead and plan the shower or do I just decide that I'm not having one? I am so afraid of upsetting my family or my FIL's family!
m/c 03.08.11 at ~9 weeksThis discussion has been closed.
Re: Who is throwing your shower?
RSVP Date: 2/28/2011
I would take your cousin and sister up on their offer to throw a shower. If you MIL wants to throw you another later she can do that, but two weeks before your due date is a little late. I would be worried I might already have a baby by then!
My mom, step-mom and SIL are throwing mine. It's 2 1/2 months before I'm due.
I'd let the cousin and sister go ahead and do it. If your MIL wants to have one for you 2 weeks before your due date, let her, but you'll have already had one. Could you invite your fam to the one that cousin and sister throw and have your MIL throw the one for DH's family?
Mine is being hosted by my bff at my Mom's house (bff lives about two hours away from where I grew up and know people.)
My step mom is hosting along with my mother and mother in law.
The issues you are worried about: MIL is crazy, your shower does not have to be 2 weeks before your due date. You want to be comfortable and enjoy your shower. I'd tell your cousin and sis to throw your shower.
this!!! enjoy it!!
My sister offered to throw me a shower... probably co-hosting with my mom.. I don't even know which are the plans of my MIL... but I don't mind... she would probably be joining us as a guest...
I would have your sis and cousin do it, help with it if you want/can but don't tell the guests. Then if MIL wants to do something she can in addition to this shower and it'll be convient for her and her family (b/c that's what matters right?) and you will have the shower will all your family and it'll be perfect!
My sisters are throwing my RI shower and my MILs and an aunt are throwing my CT shower.
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I agree with PP - let your cousin and sis do it. Clearly they want to do it for you.
I on the other hand have not had a single person offer to throw me a shower
. When I was married 4 years ago, all of my aunts who live nearby got together and threw me a shower. I am hoping the same thing happens for a baby shower - but who knows?? I am really hoping that someone hosts a shower for us. Do I ask if no one says anything to me?? And how long do I wait????
My mom is throwing me my shower next Saturday and I have no idea who will be there. I know some people were invited because I made sure my mom knew to invite them but other than my sister and aunt I have no idea.
Unfortunately a shower is a gift and unless you are asked you cannot dictate the terms. They have every right to give you a shower whenever they want and to invite whoever they want. They should be polite and make sure that at least people you want to be there will be invited but that in the end it is their decision as a hostess.
I would tell your mom and sis that you cannot guarantee that they will be invited to any shower thrown by the ILs and that although you can suggest that they be invited they don't have to take the hint. Maybe your mom and sister can throw you one for that side of the family.
I would definitely have your cousin and sister throw your shower!
1. they are ready, willing, and able and your MIL is obviously not that into it right now.
2. there is absolutely nothing wrong with a cousin and sister hosting the shower, in fact, to be very Miss Manners-traditional, I believe in the past it would have been considered rude for mothers/MILs to throw showers (this is not really an issue nowadays)
3. just mention to your MIL that your cousin is now giving you a party and you can have everyone at that one event. if your MIL really wants to do a separate event for her friends/family, then let her.
DD february 2010 | DS october 2011
*please excuse my typos, bumping from my iphone*
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From what I've been able to gather, 4 of my friends + my mom are working on my shower.
Go to General --> Keyboard --> disable capslock
See if that helps any?
My SIL, who is also my roomate and BFF, is throwing mine with the help of my MIL and a couple friends.
If your cousin and sis have offered, than I would let them go ahead and plan it. Because they are younger (I'm presuming) than your MIL than they will be more gung ho planning the shower.
My Aunt and cousins are throwing me a shower in Jan sometime (I'm due March 7th.) Honestly, there's been very little mention of any actual plans for it, but I trust my aunt when she says she do it. You might be surprised how quickly your MIL will get things going, especially once it gets closer to the end of the year.
If she wants to wait that late (for whatever reason) have you considered doing a post-baby shower? I wouldn't do one two weeks ahead of time, because if you go into labor early - you'd have a fresh newborn that you won't want to expose to germs that early. A post-baby shower (like between 1-2 months after) might solve both of your problems (she knows the baby is okay and you know the shower date won't be an issue.)
Should she reject it or give an excuse, I guess its open season to have either your Mother or sister throw one just for your family. Your MIL has no recourse and will understand the reason why a second pary was held.
As for your own family throwing a shower, nothing is more comforting that being with people you have grown up with or people you have know all your life. Perhaps their shower will be very different than the one your DH's side of the family will throw. I would say yes. Twice the gifts and twice the fun and twice the advice the way i see it!,
" my family doesn't understand the tradition of showers (we are not American)"
My room mate in college had a similar situation- her in laws (also originally from india) did not underdstand what a baby shower was or its real significance. She did some research with her DH and found the equivalent was called a "godh bharai", and the moment she uttered those words, it was like an "a-ha!" moment for her extended family, and they understood!.
I tried this...it only happens when I try to post on the bump/nest/knot...nowhere else. Thanks for trying though lol.
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