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3rd Trimester
Like we're not nervous enough about taking care of a human...
I don't know if I can stay on thebump in 0-3 because I can't STAND
how every mistake deserves a hanging! I stress out about taking care of
a newborn with no family around to help me all the time and I am
constantly told-- "You will make mistakes. You will learn from them.
End of story." I'm also a teacher and one of my professors in college
told me to have every student my first year of teaching address an
envelope to themselves so I could send them an apology letter later. He
was totally right. You make mistakes and evaluate how you could have
done better for the next day, unit, year, whatever. It's how we learn
to get better. Mistakes can be stupid but WE are only stupid if we continue to repeat them.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Like we're not nervous enough about taking care of a human...
I haven't lurked enough, but remember this:
The same ladies on 0-3 will eventually move on to 3-6 and you'll be left with US on 0-3.
Personally (I can feel the flames coming) the girls who were on thrid tri when I was one 2nd (the same ones now on 0-3) are a little brutal and judgemental. We've got a good group here, and we'll be moving up all around the same time. Hopefully that helps??
I hope people don't get chewed out for normal, first-time mom stuff. I agree with you that is ridiculous.
Leaving a 3 week old sitting on a couch while you take a shower, though...flame worthy IMO!
A. Your professor was/is a genius.
B. I totally agree with you. I'd love a learning curve. Maybe even a sliding grade scale. If I haven't killed my baby today, I think it's a good day.
Because a lot of those women think that because they have had a baby for all of two months they are seasoned pros. Don't worry, at some point, mothering knocks everyone on their ass temporarily. Their day just hasn't quite come yet. Everyone hates the saying, but they will see. LOL.
That said, I even had to comment on the car seat mistake yesterday. That was just crazy. Even my husband made the
face. As far as baby falling...yeah, it will happen to 95% of the mothers who swear it never will. Even if they are right next to you on the bed/couch...it will probably happen eventually.
I mean, in her defense, it's not like her thought process was: "Okay, I am going to lay my child here so that he can injure himself?" She didn't think things through and I'm sure she learned her lesson. As long as she doesn't do it again, it was a mistake (and maybe one that most would have foreseen and avoided), but not death-sentence worthy.
And EmilyK, you crack me up. Here's to keeping our babies alive one day at a time!
I thought that the hospital showed you how to fasten LO into the carseat? My hospital said that before discharging you they have you bring in the seat and they show you how, that you can't leave until they do.
Yep, DS somersaulted off the couch at 6 months. While I was sitting next to him. He landed flat on his back and it knocked the wind out of him so (of course) he wasn't breathing/crying right away. OMG I was a wreck.I called the doctor in tears, but he was fine. Started screaming in about 15 seconds (longest 15 seconds of my life). Doctor told me to watch him for signs of a concussion and not to leave him there again. From then until he was 18 months the only time he was allowed ont he couch was if I was holding him, lol.
I also FF. And he's *gasp* normal!
Most do. They checked both of boys before we left, but she said they did not.
Thanks. I just figure... For the first month I'll be alone with this little thing that needs me to keep him alive and if I have to ask about leaving him on the couch to shower, then I'm going to. Because isn't it better to ASK and find out it's a bad idea than think, with my severely sleep deprived brain, that it's a great idea all around and wind up with a screaming baby who isn't going to sleep for the next week?
I wasn't handed a baby manual when I got all spermed up. Those girls are asking for help because they want to take the best care of their babies and they get crap for it. It's really not fair.
That's where WE come in...we'll be there soon enough!
Where is this fear of 0-3 coming from? I don't think were mean at all---yes, leaving your child asleep in the boppy on the couch while you shower--not a good idea. Only strapping your child in with the bottom strap of his carseat for a MONTH? Bad idea.
Otherwise, none of us feel we are perfect. We all make mistakes.
I am just curious why you think were so mean. Can you give us examples??
It's always better to ask. And then just weed through the @sshole comments to get to the people that actually have something constructive to say.
This is what I hope! Most of the ladies on here now are very nice and polite. Also, like emilyk said if I have a stupid question I am still going to ask it just incase. I haven't done it yet so if my mom is unreachable and DH is gone this is one of the next places I turn. It may seem like common sense to some but when your sleep deprived better safe than sorry.
We're not all catty and mean... Don't be too afraid to come over! I promise not ALL of us bite.
I have no examples from your board, but I have an example from myself.
I freaked out last week because I went to the pharmacy to pick up some Tylenol for my husband. I got back to the car, saw the car seat in the back and thought, "omg, what do I do with my baby for quick run-in errands like this? do I take her out of her car seat? do I bring in the whole carrier? do I just never get the freedom to run small errands again unless my husband is home and can stay home with the baby?"
It's just becoming very real how many choices I'll have to make every day that will affect another human and I'm willing to bet that 50% of the time I will make the wrong one.... and I'm hoping that learning from them will suffice and not make me a horrible mother. Does that make sense?
Agreed, that made me do a double look to make sure I was reading it right.
I'll admit that it is so hard figure things out in the beginning. That's why I love the bump so much, I find most everyone here supportive and helpful in answering questions. I just wish 0-3 didn't have this "Stigma" of being mean, because I don't find us mean at all.
If she's sleeping take her whole car seat in, if not just take her out. I remember when my son was sick one night, and I had to run to get him Tylenol, I went to the drive through and asked the lady if she could possibly help me, and go get it for me. She did
There are still nice ppl out there lol
Ok, you were sitting NEXT to him when this happend, that is a mistake. It happens, that is normal. Leaving the baby for a long period of time totally unattended in a situation where he can fall is not a mistake. It's not mean to point that out to someone. She should have known better too considering she's studying "Early Childhood Development." It's kind of basic.
Um, the reason I post on that board is because I've made mistakes. Guilty...we all have. We also (for the most part) remember that we don't know these people IRL and they can't really hurt our feelings. Even the carseat girl admitted her embarrassment and "made up" with the board. So, not sure where you're coming from since it was someone on 'your' board that said you guys should lurk so you don't make our mistakes.
You will anyway, no matter how much time you sit around bumping.
Take the carrier.
Forget those nasty B's over there. Listen, you can let your baby cry for more than 2.2 sec, you can also formula feed etc. Women are catty and feel safer to displace their own parenting insecurities on others. It makes them feel superior. Just like the mob bully mentality.
You just be you. If you have questions, ask them. Forget about the women who want you to feel less than perfect. Remember this: Some people's biggest punishment in life is being themselves.
You will be a GREAT mama!
"I wasn't handed a baby manual when I got all spermed up."
Woah. Totally uncalled for!
We are supportive of both BFers and FFers and if your baby needs to cry so you can get dressed, it's not a problem. It's when you let your child SCREAM for 15 minutes that we take issue. Babies cry because they need something.
You will see when you have your baby how your opinion changes on things. I know my opinions have been completely changed about all things baby.
Woah you are waaaaaay off here. The only time someone was ever "flamed" for a mistake was when it was a HUGE mistake that could essentially cost the baby it's LIFE. Major difference. I've NEVER EVER seen someone called a bad mom for formula feeding, leaving a LO to cry for a few minutes, or anything of that sort. I've also never seen anyone called a bad mom for a simple mistake. You're right, we do make mistakes and we learn from them. But there is a huge difference between a simple mistake and a huge one. Maybe you haven't lurked over there long enough? I have found 0-3 to be an amazing group of moms!
But there are no wrong answers there. You do what is easiest for you. Seriously those first few weeks are so rough (not just because of the baby but because of a healing PP body) that you have to do whatever you can to make it through. Sleeping with the baby on your chest, strapping the baby in the sling so you can pee/pump/drink/eat. My neighbors must have thought I was insane because the ONLY thing that would calm my DD down in the middle of the night was walking back and forth in the front yard while wearing her. I did this one week hour after hour. You do what you gotta do!
The thing is, you have to do it with common sense. Boppy says no sleeping. I let DD nap in hers in her PnP for a few weeks, swaddled. Safe? Maybe not. I dragged the PnP to where I was in the house and kept an eye on her. never would I have put her somewhere high and unstable and left her alone while i showered. As a parent you have to make decisions and do what works best for you but the past two days have been terrifying on 0-3. A 3 week old falling from the couch while mom was showering? Mom checking online rather then taking baby to the pedi? Another mom not properly securing baby into the carseat for a MONTH? These people deserve a few flames if it will get them to think clearer.
No one has ever flamed anyone for things like this. My DS fell off a bed around the same age. The difference is that your DS and my DS were older babies. A THREE WEEK old falling is a huge deal, IMO. Like the poster below mentioned you were sitting next to your son when it happened. I was sitting on the bed next to mine as well. It wasn't like we left our babies alone on a high surface *hoping* nothing would happen. Big difference!
And for the record I've never once seen someone flamed for FF over there. And if someone said something, THEY were the one being flamed. Even the hardcore EBF moms are super supportive!
Thank you! There's a difference.
I am a seasoned parent. I am expecting baby number 4. Please don't think that if your child had colic that you wouldn't let your baby CIO for 15 minutes so that you can regain your sanity. It happens. First time mothers are scared enough that they do not need strife from women that have little experience. I wasn't calling you a nasty B, but if the shoe fits..... I was just encouraging her and letting her know she has support here while still on the 3 tri boards.
Women are catty and mean for no reason. A simple question or an Oops I made a mistake post DOES NOT qualify to make someone feel less of a parent or person. It is ridiculous
Not everybody on 0-3 is mean. I've gotten some good advise from that board and I'm definatly not perfect. Don't be afraid, come on over!
And I just wanted to say that all of your bumps are soo cute! I almost miss those days...almost.
The ladies on 0-3 and 3-6 are not at all like you depict them/us. There are lots of ff-ers over there as well as those of us who ebf. There are those (in the 3-6 camp) who practice the appropriate cio technique. Even those who don't CIO acknowledge that we can't always immediately respond to our babies cries sometimes (if we're going to the bathroom, driving in the car, etc).
The posts that get flamed are the ones where there is some real lapse of judgment (i.e., someone showering with a baby in a boppy on a couch). Also, those who have a 2-3 week old babies who want to practice cio will get flamed up the ying yang...and rightfully so.
I have found the parenting boards to be incredibly supportive and helpful. Hopefully you will too.
Thank you! And all i can say is, treasure every moment & stage they go through. You WILL miss it. I remember when ds was an infant...i couldn't wait for him to be a toddler so we could communicate, then a preschooler to see what his personality was going to be like, then a kindergartener...etc. Now i look back and miss those early days so much...i'm so thankful i have been given the chance to do it all again.
Ditto. I think you need to lurk more.
My son is formula fed, I let him cry for a couple minutes, and I've made mistakes. Never been flamed...never seen flames for this.
You'll see it's not so bad once you're there. The baby boards really are friendly. I thought the baby boards were bad before I got there too, but I love them. Great source of info all in one place.
Looking back, the tri boards were way more snarkier than now. Everyone is there to support one another now....no matter how P&R's that sounds.