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Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months
ShanJosh777
member
Could you/do you love someone else's child like your own?
ShanJosh777
member
I'm not sure if this is going to be flame-worthy, and I definitely don't mean to offend anyone. I know there are a lot of ladies here with step-children and this is probably just me not understanding because I've never been in the situation, but...
When I tell friends and family about my pending divorce, it seems like some people feel the need to try to make me feel better by saying something like, "Oh don't worry, you will find someone new someday who loves you and <DS> like his own." Meanwhile, dating is pretty much the furthest thing from my mind, but whatever. I know people mean well.
But that whole "love DS like his own" thing just sounds like nails on a chalkboard to me. I guess it's a common expression, but I was thinking about it, and trying to picture feeling the love I feel for my own DS for another child, and I just can't. I can't imagine having that kind of connection and ridiculous amount of love for a child that I meet at, say, age 5 or something. Just a random age, but does that make sense?
I'm thinking this is probably one of those things that you don't understand until it happens to you?
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Re: Could you/do you love someone else's child like your own?
Well, I can, and I do. I always thought it was crazy too and there was no way...But I am now the Foster Mom to a relative and we are ready to adopt him if there is a TPR. I don't know if that is what would be best for him, so right now I can't say if I hope to adopt him or not. *sigh*
But I love the little bugger so much. There is a saying or something about loving whoever needs it "more" at that time. He needs it.
Yep. My BFF/cousin is due in June and I already love her baby like I love my own.
I have had a few kiddos that I have worked with that I have completely fallen for and could completely imagine that I could "love them as my own" if they lived with me and became my kids.
however, I hate the expression "love him as your own" and all of the cliche comments people make to other people. But that is neither here nor there.
I also think it is crazy that people are even saying that to you as your divorce isn't even finalized and there is a lot more to life than getting into a new relationship and looking for a man that will "love your DS as his own" People are SO WEIRD.
I don't know if I could with having my own children. It would be hard. I am sure I would love them but love them like my own, I don't know. If I didn't have children already it might be different.
But with that being said. When DS1 was 3 I met my DH. DS1 has not seen his bio dad since he was 3 also. I can say that DH loves DS2 like his own. We were together for 5 years before DS2 was born. So they had tons of bonding time. Actually before DS2 was born DH looked and me and said "If I ever treat DS1 any differently than I do DS2 please say something to me ASAP". That is when I new he truly loved him.
It's an interesting question. My first thought is no, I probably wouldn't love a stepchild like I love Adam. However, we're done having children, but always kept the idea of adopting an older child open, and I'm absolutely sure that I could love an adopted child like I love Adam. So I guess my answer is yes!
There's really no difference between the two scenarios above, I guess it's just that I could see DH and I adopting down the road, so that's easier to fathom than some phantom step child, if that makes sense.
I definitely love my niece as my own, but i've of course known her and been near her 5 days a week since she was born.
I'm sure this will happen to you one day, but the fact that you aren't ready is probably why you dont quite understand yet (not meant at all as an insult and I hope you know what I mean.)
First off, I'm sorry for what you are going through. And yes, I think people are just trying to help.
I don't think I could, and I think that's okay. If dh had a child from a previous relationship and we married, I would understand that his child is in fact NOT my own. I would do all that I could to love his child and care for him/her, but ultimately, big decisions would be up to the mom and the dad.
I think when the time is right, you will find someone who loves you and your DC unconditionally, but if you two have children together, he may have a different love for a child that is flesh of his flesh, but it should in no way affect his treatment of your DC- he just won't be able to really be your child's dad- because your child has a dad, kwim?
My SIL is a fantastic step mom and never ever treats her step son less than she treats her children. He's in all our family pictures- he's treated like a member of our family, but because she's not his mom- his schooling and discipline decisions aren't up to her- of course those things interfere with bonding, but I assure you, he does not feel less loved by his step mom OR his step dad.
Hope that helps.
I could. However, there are definitely people that don't. My step-father for example. I think it is one of the saddest things a child can experience.
I hope that your child is never in that situation.
Well, I will tell you I don't love my good friend's children or my niece anywhere close to the way I my love son. Not even close.
I could see in a step-parent situation where over time, you might come to love them like your own. I don't think you would have that connection right away though. You would obviously be in love with their father and I think that would go a long way in your relationship with their children, especially if you had years to bond and go through some of life's major obstacles and celebrations with them. That being said, I know people with step children who have just never really bonded with them (particularly if they are only around every other weekend).
Well here's a spin on the question, which was sparked for me by the poster who said she loves her bff's unborn child as much as her own DC:
Maybe this is flameworthy, but it's just honest. I don't know that I could say yet that I love my own unborn DC as much as my DD. I think about this a lot... yeah, I feel bonded to it and all... and I am sure that I will feel that deep love once it's born - or maybe even as it grows and I can feel it moving - but I don't feel some sort of instinctual deep love yet. I sometimes sit and ponder about how I'll possibly be able to love another baby as much as my DD. I *know* in my head that I will, but in my heart it just doesn't seem fathomable to love ANYONE as much as my DD. That makes it really seem amazing to me that the other girl loves someone ELSE'S unborn child as much as her own DC. Wow!
I am sure both of my step parents love me like I was their own. Neither of them had other children and I am not sure if it would be different if they did.
I left my XH when DD was a month old and he hasn't seen her since.
I met DH when DD was turning 5 y/o. He loves her as much as DS.
They have so much in common and people say she looks more like him than me. DH adopted her a few months ago:) the first time she called him Dad, I cried. I never thought I would hear her say those words. They have a really strong bond now.
So yes, I do think it's possible to love another child as your own.
My parents divorced when I was 5 and he remarried when I was around 7. My stepmother had a 7 year old as well and though I think my stepmother loved me I was treated way different. My step sister )who was a freaking monster from the pits of hell) had the world bought for her with my father's money may I say and I was like freaking Cinderella in the family. I will never forget I had to sleep in a spare room while my room that was decorated for me because the house was built for me and my mom was given to my stepsister. I pray DS never has to go through a step parent situation because it ruined my childhood & early adolescent/teenage years. I don't think I can honestly say I would be able to love another child as much as my own, but I haven't been put in that situation as this point.