One thing I don't like about babies...

SeaSoul · November 2009

...is how it is virtually impossible to carry on a conversation with a (older) baby around! And I'm not even talking about ME, as a mom, I'm talking about my parents! They come over and I try to talk to them and they simply cannot pay attention to Cal and listen/talk at the same time - it drives me nuts. I LOVE that they love him, but wish they were better at multi-tasking.

I've noticed other moms do this too. Perhaps I'm not paying enough attention to my kid (I don't think so), but I'll be with other moms/babies, trying to talk, and they'll be so distracted by their kids that they can't listen/talk. Obviously, we can't carry on an uninterrupted conversation, b/c you've got to keep an eye out for your child (especially at Cal's age), and interact with them as well, but I swear some people are so fixated on their baby that they are not capable of having a conversation at the same time. If the child is upset, or high needs, or overly adventurous, I understand, of course...

Anyway, just something I've noticed that bugs me. I remember being annoyed by friends who were completely distracted by their baby when I was childless...maybe I have just kept that in mind and am trying hard to NOT be that way myself, and that's why it bothers me so much? Although I was EXACTLY that while on the phone w/ a friend yesterday b/c Cal was cranky, then needed a poopy diaper changed, etc., so I kept having to say "sorry, just a minute." But it's different on the phone.

I think, actually, what bothers me more than the interruption itself is the fact that so many people are not good about picking up the conversation where it got interrupted. I try to make a point of doing that if I was the one who caused the interruption, but many people won't and the subject will just fizzle.

Bottom line: I know adult conversations are difficult to maintain when a baby is present, but I wish people would try a little harder. It CAN be done, without ignoring your baby.

Anyone else feel this way?

madhatter2003 · November 2009

ugh, we have the opposite. DD is at that age where she interrupts EVERYTHING. We are trying to teach her to say excuse me before she starts talking, but now she just keeps yelling excuse me excuse me excuse me before she launches right into what she has to say.

howleyshell · November 2009

Guilty.

I find that the only way I have conversations that involve any quantity of eye contact on my part is when I don't have the boys with me.

That's one reason why I love dinner time. They're both sitting in one place and it's the rare opportunity where they're awake and DH and I can actually look at each other's eyes.

I think I can carry on a conversation OK but I know that I'm not fully present (eye contact and no interruptions) when my kids are around.

Sorry... I'm one of those people who annoy you!

Dr.Loretta · November 2009

I've kind of gotten over it.

With the grandparents, I have come to realize that my parents focus on nothing but their grandkids when they're with them, so any attempts at a complete conversation are going to be a waste of my breath. I wait until the kids are asleep

With friends, I can't expect them to juggle their thoughts, thinking about their kid, and the full string of a conversation at one time. If we happen to finish the conversation, great. If not, it probably wasn't that pressing of a conversation. But most of these are on the phone, and I've also found that kids have an internal radar for interrupting their parents when they're on the phone

SeaSoul · November 2009

howleyshell:

I think I can carry on a conversation OK but I know that I'm not fully present (eye contact and no interruptions) when my kids are around.

Oh, don't get me wrong...I'm not fully present either, and I don't expect anyone to be! Just saying that with a little effort, a converastion can still happen...it's just going to take longer and you have to be good about picking up where you left off when there's an interruption.

SeaSoul · November 2009

madhatter2003:
ugh, we have the opposite. DD is at that age where she interrupts EVERYTHING. We are trying to teach her to say excuse me before she starts talking, but now she just keeps yelling excuse me excuse me excuse me before she launches right into what she has to say.

I have a nephew who's at this stage. I think it's a whole different ballgame than a baby because they can talk too, and want to be included!

laura&dan05 · November 2009

I agree! I think there is a big difference in watching your baby and being rude. I have a few friends that are almost impossible to talk to when their kids are around. It is not that their kids are interrupting our conversation but that they are just so distracted by what their LOs are doing. I have one friend (a male) that will interrupt what I'm saying to tell me to watch his son or daughter because whatever they are doing at that moment is funny or cute. That is fine once in awhile and I'm happy to watch your kid do something cute but every few minutes during a conversation is annying! Like you said he doesn't know how to pick the conversation back up. My DH and I get so frustrated by this because we think it's rude. We've started to just end the conversation at that point and leave.

lnle · November 2009

I have definitely felt this way about my friends with kids. I've basically given up on having a complete conversation with them. Guess I'll be the distracted one pretty soon!

howleyshell · November 2009

Ya know... it's funny but I actually seem to have the opposite problem with my friends who are parents of toddlers.

They're all too happy to ignore their kids completely to carry on a conversation.

In the mean time their kids are running amock and destroying my house or being overly aggressive in their play with no intervention.

I recently participated in a garage sale where the toddler Mom's all felt fine leaving 3 and 4 year olds alone to play in the basement while we were outside doing the sale.

kammy · November 2009

howleyshell:
I recently participated in a garage sale where the toddler Mom's all felt fine leaving 3 and 4 year olds alone to play in the basement while we were outside doing the sale.

granted, I don't have experience with a toddler yet, but this sounds terrifying!!

SeaSoul · November 2009

howleyshell:

They're all too happy to ignore their kids completely to carry on a conversation.

In the mean time their kids are running amock and destroying my house or being overly aggressive in their play with no intervention.

I recently participated in a garage sale where the toddler Mom's all felt fine leaving 3 and 4 year olds alone to play in the basement while we were outside doing the sale.

Wow. I hope no one assumes I'm that way b/c of this post! I am VERY in tune and hands-on with Cal and I would never sacrifice that for adult conversation...I just try to combine the two. I'm not in those situations very often anyway (DH doesn't count). Anyway, that's appalling!

jehnm · November 2009

Sea Soul,

I totally get what you are saying, I obviously don't have kids of my own yet, but I have been a nanny for many infants and toddlers during my college years and then on weekends for quite awhile. You obviously are always watching the child, but you can still talk.

I have friends who can totally have a very meaningful conversation while changing diapers, running down the sidewalk after a toddler, etc, then I have friends who do what someone mentioned above and can't even talk casually with you because they have to comment on every single thing their child is doing. From someone who doesn't have kids yet, I definitely appreciate those friends who can multitask!

As for the triplets....yes, I nannied for newborn-6 month triplets during my last semester of college....it was fun, but you are right, distracted doesn't even come close!! :-) The mom and I just loved it when other people were there because there were more hands to help. We didn't care if we even said two words to each other!!

itsmevkb · November 2009

Oh I am so with you on this one. I can remember when my nieces were born and that was the end of my parents and sisters ever being able to have a normal conversation again. They always used to tell me that I'd understand once I had children but I now have two and I still don't understand why it's such a problem. I can watch my children AND hold a conversation. Sure, there are times when I have to go attend to something they need but then I, like you, try and pick up the conversation where it was left off.

SeaSoul · November 2009

I'm glad that some of you can relate.

Wanna come over and have a conversation sometime?!

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