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VENT: Too early for MIL (longish)

CMMC23CMMC23
in 2nd Trimester

So I wake up to a a nice heart felt email from MIL. Two weeks ago DH and I told her we would be going to my parents for Thanksgiving. DH and I generally split our Christmas day between families (we are only like 10 min from IL's and an hour from my parents) and all of the other holidays we just pick one to go to. We did both Easter and last Thanksgiving with IL's and I have family coming in from Germany so we thought it only fair to do my family.

Now, I'm getting the whole guilt trip (which is unusual because this woman usually takes the "strong arm" approach). She is upset because now they won't see us at all for either of the major holidays. She was the one who randomly booked a trip to the Cayman Islands for 10 days over Christmas, not me! My parents invited them (and do so every year) to dinner but they have declined...again. She is now lamenting that fact that since she won't be able to cook for her family they may as well just go to a restaurant for dinner. Oh brother!

DH and I agreed to take care of their two dogs over Christmas. She P.S.'d her letter saying that FIL and her have agreed that it would be best if DH and I stayed at their house at night over Christmas so their dogs wouldn't be alone at night. They don't want them to bark and get in trouble with the HOA! Hello?! We have dogs of our own...and a life...and out of town family staying with us for the holidays...and there was no "asking" involved!

Is this totally ridiculous or am I just overreacting? I'm going to have to let DH handle this one for sure...

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Re: VENT: Too early for MIL (longish)

  • ajetterajetter member
    I wouldn't want to sleep at their house either... I understand her giving you the guilt trip a bit about the holidays, and eventually she will get over it.  I say put you foot down though and sleep at your house.  The dogs will survive.
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  • FutureMrsDavidsonFutureMrsDavidson
    Your mother in law is being ridiculous. Especially when you invited her to come to your parents house for thanksgiving. I would get dh to talk to her and tell he that she is being unreasonable. I'm sorry she is being difficult!
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  • ErourkeErourke
    She sounds just like mine. Dictating what IM going to do with my time! SORRY! Not gonna happen lady! Just put your foot down, and stand up to her... or else she think she can walk all over you again and again.
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  • misma09misma09

    One thing my parents told me when we married was that they would never make us feel guilty about wherever we wanted to spend the holidays b/c they remember what it was like. And it's even harder b/c DH parents are divorced!

    Fortunately, we don't get much flack on IL's end either.

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  • kristaeriskristaeris member

    Oh that's annoying! If she's been invited to your familys dinner and your family has extended an invitation to include them I wouldn't continue to worry about it. You have family coming in from Germany! She can't honestly expect you to choose to spend the day with her and FIL instead of being with family you obviously rarely see! We had a similar dog sitting situation with my MIL recently. She went to Chicago for a week to visit her family and during that time she insisted that DH spent the night at her house to be with the dog because she just couldn't be left alone overnight! So I got left at home overnight for a week so DH could spend the night at his moms with her dog. He works 6 days a week so I rarely got to see him during that time, and I work 2 nights a week, and we have a dog of our own that had to be left at home overnight when I was working! Ridiculous!!!

    I would keep reminding her of how welcome she and FIL are to spend the day with your family. Possibly suggest doing a thanksgiving supper the night before with them?

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  • whitsimwhitsim

    The woman is nuts.

    Mothers-in-law...Ugh....

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  • LizluLizlu
    Oh my god I could have written this e-mail.  I have the same situation going on over here.  We always have spent most of the holidays with my IL's because they have a small family and my family is so big that I always gave in to my MIL's guilt trips but not this year.  I'm at the end of this 8 year audition that has gotten me no where.  They never liked me and never will so I'm sticking to my guns this year.  My DH is too chicken to tell her so I have to tell her today.  Wish me luck and good luck to you!!  Oh and my IL's also didn't want to have a holiday with my family when we suggested having it at our house and having both sides.  My SIL said that that was the "weirdest thing" she had ever heard...two families.  They are the weird ones!
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  • CMMC23CMMC23

    That lady drives me nuts! Truly. Oh well. I will remind her again that we would love them to spend TG with us at my family's. My mom actually called her weeks ago to extend the invite so it wasn't like a last minute "tag along" thing. And it's a huge affair with easily 40+ people for they wouldn't feel out of place. The neighbors come etc. Heck, usually I'm introduced to a few people on TG!

    And I wouldn't normally have a huge problem with staying at her house. It's just my sister, bil, niece and nephew will be staying with us from Charleston for Christmas. I can send DH to stay but I kinda want to wake up with him at least on Christmas morning....and she didn't even ask!! I might be being a bit childish though...

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  • CMMC23CMMC23

    imageLizlu:
    Oh my god I could have written this e-mail.  I have the same situation going on over here.  We always have spent most of the holidays with my IL's because they have a small family and my family is so big that I always gave in to my MIL's guilt trips but not this year.  I'm at the end of this 8 year audition that has gotten me no where.  They never liked me and never will so I'm sticking to my guns this year.  My DH is too chicken to tell her so I have to tell her today.  Wish me luck and good luck to you!!  Oh and my IL's also didn't want to have a holiday with my family when we suggested having it at our house and having both sides.  My SIL said that that was the "weirdest thing" she had ever heard...two families.  They are the weird ones!

    Good luck to you! We are similar. I feel so guilty because DH does have a small family here. It's just his GP's (who are going to Maryland for TG), his mom, dad and little sister who is only 16.

    I can honestly say that they do like me though. We get along better than DH does with them mostly because he's dealt with her shennanigans ( I like that word!) for his entire life and has no problem speaking up. I'm more of  the passive one but will stand up for myself on important matters. And I believe that our parents get along just fine together..

    I hope you get it all worked out as well. :)

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  • kelcatkelcat
    I'm going to go with totally ridiculous.  You are not overreacting and I can't believe how she is guilt tripping you.  We told my IL's a couple weeks ago that we are going to have Thanksgiving with my family this year and my MIL totally freaked and basically said that it was unacceptable that we spend this time with my family (we are planning on stopping by before we go to my families house and everything).  She now has decided to take the guilt trip approach.  I think sometimes that IL's, MIL's in particular, forget that they now have to share time with another family.  And my MIL in particular is spoiled because her other DIL doesn't have any family, so when I came around and am close with my family she gets jellous and tries to guilt us into things.  I wouldn't worry too much about her, but maybe you can surprise her and have a "thanksgiving dinner" for them over the weekend either before or after Thanksgiving.  As far as the whole sleeping over so the dogs don't get lonely, that is too far out there.  I see nothing wrong with feeding them and letting them out, but I draw the line when I have to sleep in someone elses bed when there is no particular reason to have to.
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  • Pumpkin30Pumpkin30
    imageCMMC23:

    That lady drives me nuts! Truly. Oh well. I will remind her again that we would love them to spend TG with us at my family's. My mom actually called her weeks ago to extend the invite so it wasn't like a last minute "tag along" thing. And it's a huge affair with easily 40+ people for they wouldn't feel out of place. The neighbors come etc. Heck, usually I'm introduced to a few people on TG!

    And I wouldn't normally have a huge problem with staying at her house. It's just my sister, bil, niece and nephew will be staying with us from Charleston for Christmas. I can send DH to stay but I kinda want to wake up with him at least on Christmas morning....and she didn't even ask!! I might be being a bit childish though...

    You are not being childish. It seems that your MIL is being childish. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to wake up next to your DH on Christmas and wanting to stay at your house with your guests. You'd actually be rude if you didn't stay with them.

    You're being more than generous taking care of their dogs over Christmas when you have guests in town. If your MIL thinks her dogs will make too much noise during the night, she should take them to a kennel. That's not your problem.

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