If your ex is involved...

ShanJosh777 · November 2009

how do you split holidays? I recently filed for divorce, but in PA custody is separate and we may not have a formal custody agreement, unless problems arise later of course.

But it is breaking my heart to even think about not being with DS on ANY holiday. Someone suggested that a friend of theirs has something worked out where her ex gets DC every Easter, Halloween and Thanksgiving, and she is happy with that because she never misses a Christmas.

But I want Easter, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Valentine's Day, Labor Day, and every other one, too! LOL. I know that's not fair, but that's how I feel.

I guess the only solution would be to stay married, and that is obviously not going to happen. So how do you split the holidays? And how do you cope with not having DC on any given holiday?

vbarnie · November 2009

My parents id every other year with me and my brother for holidays. Mom would get us one Christmas and dad would get the next year. Same for all the holidays. However when I was older I wouldn't want to leave my mom on holidays and I would just see my dad Christmas eve but go home to sleep in my own bed for "santa." Not sure if that helped any. Good luck with the situation.

akedaw · November 2009

Its very hard. Sometimes his Dad would just come over in the morning(if you guys are amicable) and we would wait til he got there to open presents. Now we live in seperate states, so he usually goes has a flight later in the day or the day after Christmas. His dad has been very nice not to ask for him b c until now my son was my only child(he has a boy and a girl).

cabbage5215 · November 2009

Split even. We switch every other holiday. It is really hard but I have to remember that BD also does not want to be away from DD any more than I do for the holidays.

jpowell3 · November 2009

Switch every other holiday & just remember that it is just as hard for the other parent too. In the future your lo will have fun memories of holidays w/both parents. It was aweful to not have my ds for Halloween & my dh couldn't seem to understand why I let ds go with his dad (my ex lives in FL, ds was gone for 2 weeks) and I just said that in my decision to end the relationship I knew that meant I would loose the right to have him every holiday. You just have to mentally prepare for it.

kirbear · November 2009

My exhusband and I are amicable and live close to one another. We split up the holidays so we both see her on each holiday and it has worked for the past 3 years. Granted my ex is happy with a few hours and doesn't expect things to be 50/50 since he has never been involved 50/50 or anywhere close any other time of the year.... It also helps that my ex is a cop and works many holidays. For example on Halloween he had to work so he came by in the afternoon and I had her costume on. On Thanksgiving he takes her from 12-3 or so and then I have her. On Christmas Eve he takes her 2-6 for dinner and then I have her from 6 on for our festivities. On Christmas we do santa and presents here, then she goes with him for four hours or so and then home for the rest. This has worked well for us as we do get along, we live two minutes from eachother so its no more running around than if we were to go visit both sets of grandparents- who live 2 minutes away as well, my family is accomodating as to when we eat etc... and luckily my ex is understanding.

My dd is not used to spending extended time with her dad or more than 15 hours tops with him ever. She doesn't consider his house her "home". Therefore my ex realizes that it is in our daughters best interest to be with me on holidays as he doesn't have the same type of relationship that i do due to some of his issues. I've been lucky that he is willing to continue with what dd knows and is comfortable with rather than try to fight me for things just to be a jerk when its not best for dd.

Good luck. I know our divorce wasn't finalized before Easter and in our temporary papers it stated the plans for Easter since our official "plan" wouldn't go into affect before then. It was just an agreement drawn by lawyers and signed by both of us. At least then you have "something" in writing, which is always a good thing!

meandtwo · November 2009

With DD it was easy at first. I had her every holiday. He and I would split the money for christmas presents, but she was always with me. Now that she is getting older he wants more time with her and vice versa. Although he has yet to come and get her(he lives in another state) when he ask to get her I don't deny him. The one thing I will say I don't like the fact that he tells her that he's coming and he doesn't show, he just calls instead.

With the baby dad and I live in the same state and for the most part I will not have a problem sharing.

Wild_flower25 · November 2009

We live close enough that we split Easter and Thanksgiving in half. One of us gets morning, the other evening. I don't know if we'll do this forever, but its working.

Christmas/new years eve rotate each year. So, I'll always have him one of those days, either xmas eve or xmas day.

The other holidays aren't specified, so its whoever's day they fall on, gets him. Like this year he had memorial day, I had labor day. We do every other weekend so thats just how it worked out.

jaat08 · November 2009

UGH PA custody thing is a pain in the butt. MY DH has to drive all the way from Uniontown to somewhere up near the NY/PA line to do his custody thing with his ex. Why not try doing every other holiday is yours then his you get him say this christmas and he gets him next thats kinda what we are doing. but DH sees his daughter every other weekend. We drive all the way past State College to pick her up.

haleyw458 · November 2009

We actually get along great still, and my parents consider him the son they never had. We haven't had any holidays other than Halloween yet since we only broke up 3 months ago. He is actually going to spend the holidays with us also. When he gets serious with another girl, or when I do a guy, I'm sure this will change. But for now, he will be here for Thanksgiving and Christmas as well as DS.

ValAndRyan · November 2009

Easter, Thanksgiving and Christmas are huge so ds wouldn't spend the whole day with either one of us. One year, he'd spend the mornings of those holidays with BD or I and the next year, we'd flip it. I liked that because we don't mind having an earlier meal if that is the case. I've also learned that you don't have to spend a holiday on the actual holiday. Sometimes it doesn't work out that way.DH is a football coach and will not be home on Thanskgiving so we'll go to my parents but as soon as he's available, we'll have our own Thanksgiving meal. That works for us.

Halloween and other holidays we just switched on and off. It is so incredibly hard to do. Also, don't forget you can add in Christmas Eve if that is big for his family and not yours and that way you can get your child(ren) on Christmas.

lona.hunn@gmail.com · November 2009

When my first ex and I divorced 6 yrs ago, we agreed on one thing. We were not going to ruin our son's holidays by having him at one house for half the day, then off to the other parents house for the other half..Whichever parent has him that holiday gets him the whole day. That way he's were not interrupting his day while he's opening presents and playing with cousins to rush off to the other parents house.

We just really have our 4 big holidays that we are strict with.

4th of July - Halloween - Thanksgiving - Christmas

We alternate 4th's, Halloween, Thanksgiving...On Christmas, one parent has him on Christmas Eve and the other on Christmas Day.

It is hard to not have your child on the major holidays, especially at first. But you learn to find other things to do and family keeps you occupied. I'm very traditional and it was and still is hard not to have little ones around on Christmas morning. But I've had to learn to have Christmas morning on a different day. You keep telling yourself, it's not about that particular day. You're spending precious time with your children. They don't care what day it is....

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