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when did you "bond" with LO?

rcote13rcote13
in Pregnant after a Loss

i feel like i am neglecting this LO, but no matter how hard i try i can't connect to this pregnancy.  i eat right and follow the pregnancy rules, but i don't truly believe i am really pregnant... i know it's because of our loss. i am just sad that this baby is not getting all those vibes from me.

is this normal?  did it take you ladies a little longer to trust your body and believe that there's a baby in there?

thanks :)

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Re: when did you "bond" with LO?

  • OregonPacheyOregonPachey member
    I first started to after our first u/s and saw that there was a live baby in there.  And after I felt the first kick, it was love from there on out. 
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  • lovesinthehouselovesinthehouse

    In the beginning, I consciously had to shift my mindset to "when" I have this baby, not "if." I always treated it like a blessing, no matter how long I was blessed to have it. It's hard to not worry, and I know a lot of other women have a hard time accepting it, but I think because this pregnancy didn't occur until 1.5 years after my m/c, it was easier for me to get excited and be hopeful.

    As for bonding, I don't know that I feel like I've bonded yet. I'm excited and I celebrate, but I think I'll be able to bond more once I start to feel it. :) 

    missed miscarriage began 04/08, ended 07/08 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker BabyFetus Ticker
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  • savernesaverne

    I honestly didn't feel connected in that way to my LO until I could feel her- around 20 weeks.  I was excited to be pg, but it didn't feel real until then.  Now, as she rolls, punches, and hiccups her way through the day, I totally feel connected to her!

    Don't feel bad though.  You are being a great parent already by taking care of yourself for LO!  I think it is normal not to feel too bonded yet, especially after m/c. 

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  • MskharisMskharis member
    I really didn't connect until 3rd trimester. It was very hard. Now I am having the issue of will I bond when she comes out. I suffered from Post Partum with my DD, and didn't connect with her until she was about 2 weeks.  
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  • epona3epona3 member

    I'm still kind of waiting for the "bonding" feeling, too.  Though, I think it happens incrementally - like when I first saw the heartbeat, and then yesterday when I was able to hear it at the dr's with the dopper.  Also, today my mom sent me some baby stuff and that really made it feel a little more real, too.

    However,I was also trying on some of my clothes today, (to see what still fits!)  and I tried on a shirt that makes me look like I've got a belly (and I'm not really ready to share with the world yet), and I thought to myself "This will work better when I'm pg..."  I had to mentally correct myself and think "When I'm farther along..."

    I think it's a slow process sometimes!

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  • pinkpuffyheartspinkpuffyhearts
    The NT Scan at 12 weeks really helped me. Before that, seeing a blob on an ultrasound was reassuring but not enough to help me bond. Once we saw her at 12 weeks and she looked like a real baby and was moving, that is when I fell in love.
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  • jam1111jam1111
    It's been gradual for me.  I thought he was a she so that took a bit of an adjustment period.  But at 31 weeks we did the 4D and it seemed very real and I fell more in love then.  I think for me, it will really hit when he's here.
    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers 1st m/c July 2008, 2nd m/c December 2008, Baby boy born in 2009!, 3rd m/c (c/p) June 2011, 4th m/c September 2011
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  • audrey10607audrey10607

    It might be me, but I am having a hard time too...I think it might even be harder for those of us who have had late losses compared to very early ones.

    I mean, I saw my 1st in an ultrasound, felt him kick, all of those things...it's different now, like I don't want to bring down the nice wall I've built "just in case" it happens again.

    I think it's natural.  I've decided to give the 2nd one a nickname like I did the first, hopefully that'll help.

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  • Bleeding_HeartBleeding_Heart member
    I didn't really start connecting and bonding with our son until the big u/s, and not FULLY until after I reached the due date of the twins we lost.  I was about 22 weeks or so.  
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  • rcote13rcote13

    it's good to know i'm not just a cold, bad mother.  this is so reassuring.

    thank you, everyone. 

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