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Moms-to-be: Bonding w/ your newborn

SeaSoulSeaSoul member
in Success after IF

Risper's post helped me remember that I didn't really bond w/ Cal immediately like so many women seem to.  Now, don't get me wrong...I loved him wholeheartedly, was in awe of him, got teary at the sight of him.  But I couldn't say the words "we are so in love" like you hear so often on this board.  The "so in love" feeling definitely came in time.  I loved with him with every ounce of my being, but I didn't KNOW him.  And it took a while of getting to know him and getting used to the whole motherhood thing...and especially really seeing him develop and start to interact with us, for me to start feeling that incredible "in love" feeling.  And now I have it tenfold!!  It's amazing how your love can grow and grow...  But if you're not one of those people who feels "so in love" from the moment s/he's born, that's okay.  It will come with time...believe me!

FWIW, I have never been someone to fall in love easily.  I'm not a head-over-heels kind of gal.  It was 6 months before DH & I declared our love for each other and called each other boyfriend/girlfriend.  Likewise, when my college boyfriend told me he loved me after 2 weeks together, I said "No, you don't."  He said "Yes, I do!!"  I said, "You can't!  You haven't known me long enough!"  (nice, huh? ;)  So, maybe that's just how I am with love in general?  I had the instinctive mother's love but the "in love," enamored feeling took a little time.

Childhood cancer (DH) + chemo + radiation = 0 sperm.
LO #1 - 1 unmedicated/self-monitored IUI w/ donor sperm.
LO #2 - 1 m/c, 2 BFNs, 4th IUI worked (unmedicated/self-monitored with new donor sperm).
Life is beautiful!

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Re: Moms-to-be: Bonding w/ your newborn

  • emiannieemiannie
    I felt exactly the same way.  At times it made me feel like a bad Mom, but I realize now that it's pretty normal actually.
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  • mrsolsenk12mrsolsenk12
    I totally agree. While I loved Hayden, I did not have that "I would do anything for this little person" feeling at first. It did take a little while, and some sleep, for that too come. Now I can't imagine my life without himand can't even think about leaving him overnight ever. (I am sure I will at some point!)
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  • rispergirlrispergirl
    Yes!  I loved them right away because they were my babies.  But I didn't love them for who they are until I got to know them.  It took me a while to get that "my heart is about to burst" feeling that I have now.  And it gets more and more every single day.
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  • finallyreillyfinallyreilly
    I am so glad to read your post and rispergirls.  The twins are coming this weekend and I feel like I never reached that pregnancy connection/joy that I see people write about and I am afraid that it is going to be carried over into after they are born.  I love my babies so much and I can't wait to meet them, but I am really afraid that I won't connect with them, especially trying to split my time between the two. 
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  • beebe929beebe929 member

    Ditto.  I realized it when I did "fall in love" and asked DH when he fell in love, he said when they handed her to him.... for me it took a couple weeks...

    I adore her enough now to make up for it!  ;)

     

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  • roaringrockroaringrock

    amen sista! I was starting to get tired of reading about "that so in love feeling" at the very first moment" blah blah blah. what you wrote is actually VERY common and pretty damn typical but people don't like to talk about it.

    after my delivery I was so shot and drained (and shaking violently) that there was no way I could possibly bond with anyone. seriously, all I wanted was for someone to put me out of my misery. of course I loved ginny with all my heart but that bonding thing -- it takes time. and I'm someone that does fall in love easily!

     

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  • LucyPevensieLucyPevensie member
    Exactly the same for me.  I loved Jack because he was my newborn baby that I'd waited forever for - but I didn't KNOW him - so it was more biological/obligatory love - real - but not the same as the love that began to grow as I got to KNOW him.  And as I did - it made me long for him as a newborn again - once I discovered who he was, I wanted to hold and kiss the newborn baby Jack again with that knowledge.  This may make no sense to moms to be - but it will!  It does get better and better and better - but you will miss the tiny baby who kept you up all night and stressed you out wondering if you were giving him/her everything he/she needed.  It's crazy and wonderful. 
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