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3rd Trimester
StephNJer
member
A WWYD second shower situation (long)
StephNJer
member
Ok, first off, I know how the majority of people feel about showers for a second baby. I know most people find them tacky, etc. That being said, when I got pregnant this second time, I just assumed I wouldn't be getting a shower. I was and have always been completely find with not having one, and never ever expected anyone to throw me one.
Soon after I found out I was pg, one of my close friends told me she wanted to throw me a shower. She said she would be happy to have it at her house and to keep it small - no games, just very low-key, people could mainly bring diapers if they wanted and it was going to be more of a "celebration of the second baby" than a full blown shower. She seemed really excited about it and I was touched so I told her I was fine with that. Toward the end of summer she started throwing around dates that would work for the shower, and mentioned either the end of Oct/beginning of November. She asked for a guest list in September which I gave her a few days later. There are probably 15 people total on the guest list. I told her from the beginning that since it's my second shower, it would probably be really small since I'm basically only inviting family and a few close friends. Most of DH's family was really excited that I would be having another shower, especially since we have a DD and are having a boy this time around. She was totally cool with this and made it seem like it would be really easy to plan.
So anyway, I talk to this friend a few times a week on average. She's been saying for months now that she's going to work on my invites, send them out, etc. etc. Two weeks ago she asked if November 8th would be a good day, I told her that was cool with me, and she said last week she would be sending out the invites. Meanwhile, my mom, MIL, and a lot of family know that I'm supposed to be having this shower because most of them asked me months ago if someone was throwing me one or not.
Invites have not been sent out. It's getting really awkward because I'm starting to wonder if my friend just isn't interested in throwing me a shower anymore. I'm not sure what the reason would be, but I'd be completely understanding if at this point she just fessed up and said she couldn't give me a shower. Like I said, I never expected anyone to throw me one in the first place, but I can't help but be a little hurt anyway that all this talk and preparation would go into one and then the ball be dropped.
I dont want to sound ungrateful and I don't want to sound like I'm trying to be controlling, but I don't know if I should just call her and ask her if she sent out invites yet, and if she says no then just tell her if it's too much trouble for her to not worry about it. I'm afraid no matter how I word it, it's going to come off sounding wrong.
And am I wrong in feeling just a tad bit hurt? I have another friend who was supposed to be helping her plan this, and that friend has made no effort either. I just wish they would be honest with me instead of leading me along to believe that this is going to happen.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: A WWYD second shower situation (long)
1. If you don't care about having a shower or not, why don't you let it happen (or not.) Why do you have to know when it is, have the invites been sent etc?
2. Why are you already planning to DD this post?
I'd give her a call if people have been asking you about the shower...The 8th is this coming weekend and that is far too last minute for invites!
IDK if there is a way to come off sounding concerned for her over concerned for the party even if you truly don't mind it being cancelled or postponed...I'd just try to be as honest with her as you want her to be with you. "I just was concerned that having a shower was putting too much stress on you and if it is then please don't worry about it.' (That's the best I can come up with for an after the invite question...)
Almost this exact same thing happened to me. My Aunt wanted to throw me a diaper shower and talked about dates in like July/Aug. Well the end of Sept?comes, beginning of Oct and nothing. My SIL kept trying to talk to my Aunt and ask her about helping to plan, but she wouldn't ever respond.?
Finally my SIL and my Mom took over and threw it for me this past Sat. They got invites out somewhat late, but we were seriously running out of time. My Aunt was a little mad at first, but she got over it. In the end, she was just too busy.
I would ask her.. that way if your mom or someone in DH's family wants to throw it they have enough time. ?It's not rude to ask at all. She told you she was going to, so you told a few people about it.. and now everyone is wondering.
GL! ?
It's not that I "dont care" about having a shower, it's that I didn't expect one. But yes, once my friend mentioned it repeatedly, I was excited about it. I'm touched that someone would want to throw me one. I just wanted to put it out there that I understand how people feel about second showers and that I never once felt that I should have one, but since someone offered I was more than happy to have one.
Thank you. I'm really struggling to find the right words because I really don't want to pressure her, or have her be stressed about it.
Without knowing your friend, my guess is that she just flaked out/procrastinated as opposed to suddenly deciding she didn't want to do it anymore.
I would definitely give her a buzz (or, like others suggested have your Mom do it if she knows your friend well) and check in. At this point if invites haven't gone out, next weekend isn't going to happen. She'll either have to pick a new date or bow out completely. In any case, I'd be pretty direct with her. It's better to have a firm decision than have her continue to waffle until your due date.
I probably would be more annoyed than hurt, especially if other people are "holding" that date for the shower.
I completely agree.