afraid to hurt feelings

BananaSD · October 2009

So I have been thinking that after we have the baby, we should draft a will, especially noting who we would want our little girl to go to in case anything ever happened (not that I want to think of this...but we have to now) I am torn b/c obviously both sets of grandparents are wonderful...is anyone else afraid to hurt feelings with family...wouldnt one side of the fam be totally crushed? I know I shuold stop worrying about others feelings and think of my child, but anyone have experience even with this or even basic things like holidays...are feelings hurt by either side and how do you choose??

AMYfromKY · October 2009

We need to do this. I don't care if I hurt feelings. I don't even trust my ILs to watch Henry. My parents would get custody of him.

mrs_sherod · October 2009

Um, I can see your dilema. We will need to draft a will as well. If we're choosing parents, I will def choose my mom (my parents are not together) because my dad can be quite irresponsible, MIL is a nut case waiting to be diagnosed, and FIL doesn't seem to be into children like that.

Ultimately, it's what's in the best interest of your baby, not about hurting feelings. Try to keep that in mind.

Abinormal · October 2009

I've thought about this before and I know that I would really want LO to go to my parents. However, DH would want her to go to his parents. My guess is that if something happened to DH and I then both sets of parents would end up with a joint custody type situation.

rachdaniels21 · October 2009

We picked based on what I know would be best for LO. I had to take myself out of it and make it about him because even though I adore my parents I know it wouldn't be right for him.

nmc29 · October 2009

Custody would go to my mom.

DH's parent's are awesome, but they are almost 70 and I wouldn't be able to place LO with them knowing he'd be displaced again soon. My mom is almost 20 years younger than the IL's, so it seemed like the logical thing to do.

spwspw · October 2009

Custody would go to my brother and SIL. MH is an only child, so there are no siblings on his side to consider. And we both felt that my brother and SIL were better choices than either sets of parents simply because of the age factor.

joesbridezilla · October 2009

When we wrote up our will we did not tell anyone who we were giving the kids to etc. Our lawyer advised us not to and said that it would only cause unnecessary hurt feelings. We didn't and just told the people involved with settling our estate,taking our children, etc.

wallycat · October 2009

My DH and I have been having this conversation recently. His parents are not interested in raising another child. His brother is to irresponsible; my sister and her husband are atheist and we want our daughter raised in the church as we both were. So my parents are the lucky one that will get custody of our daughter. Luckily they are very happy with that idea.

Chuppathingy · October 2009

This isn't something where you should worry about hurt feelings. The only thing you should worry about is who is best suited to raise your child if something should happen to you and your H.

We picked a non-family member, and another non-family member as a back up. DH's siblings would not raise our child the way we want him or her to be raised, neither would his parents. My parents are in their late 60s already and not physically up to the job, and neither of my siblings is even out of college yet so they wouldn't be able to handle it financially.

Talk to an estate attorney.

erinshaneb · October 2009

We had a will drafted as soon as dd was born and did hurt feelings..my sister babysits for me all day for my by dd while I am at work, but we didn't leave her to my sister..She is not the most responsible with money and we didn't want the inheritance to disappear..We left her to my bil..now we are reconsidering that with ds being born..my BIL hasn't made much of an effort to spend time with dd..I hear how much he loves her and misses her (he is in the navy and stationed out of town) but we don't see or hear alot from him..so we may change our minds and leave both them to someone else..I am not worried about hurting feelings..we will tell the people we are leaving them to so they will be prepared but everyone can just deal with it..besides I am not too worried..we will be dead and I won't have to listen to the complaints..lol

woolgathered · October 2009

God forbid anything happens, I would want LO to go to my parents as well. Mine are 11 and 12 years younger than DH's, and better off financially. I don't care about hurt feelings either.

JameRoo430 · October 2009

If you're worried about hurting feelings, only tell the people you are choosing and ask them to keep it on the DL. Chances are it will never happen but if it does you need to think about what's best for your child, not everyone else.

We had it a bit easier because we both agreed on my sister and brother-in-law. They have two children and another on the way and are amazing parents. Plus, they are financially stable enough for my sister to stay home with the kids, so if anything ever happened I think everyone in our families would understand why we chose them. We still don't have any intention of telling anyone else who we chose unless we are asked though.

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