- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Northern California Babies
kittylove
member
CW
kittylove
member
You know the rules! GO!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: CW
Christmas:
I am so excited to not be doing the massive gift giving thing this year. The hard part has been telling friends who normally exchange gifts that we aren't doing it. Some have taken it not well, but I have decided this is not my problem.
1st B-day:
I decided to not put "please no gifts" on the invite. The 1st B-day parties we went to this year did it and very few people listened. I think that just creates anger for people who don't bring gifts/follow directions. Plus gifts is always one of my favorite parts of a B-day party. I like watching people open what I got them. A thank you note never carries the excitement or surprise of someone opening a gift.
Dh thinks we should serve a huge meal at a 2:30 birthday party. i told him that was fine, if he wants he can order the sandwiches and make the potato salad. Well that solved the problem, he now thinks snacks will be fine. This just gets my goat! Because of course he wanted it when it was work for ME but the moment something gets put on his to-do list it is a bad idea.
DH:
He is so unorganized it kills me. Something work related slipped through the cracks last week, he got yelled at and when he got home he had the nerve to blame it on someone else, when clearly he just forgot to do this step. It makes me mad how unorganized he is both at home and at work. If it isn't on a list in front of his face then he doesn't remember to do it on his own. And he is unable to write a list of his own. I love my husband but this infuriates me at times. Can someone tell me I am not alone in this?
Comments Welcome
In the month of November we have 10 birthdays between both of our families. Then Christmas comes. The two months combined are HUGE spending months.
That brings me to my Dh's family. For the most part we get along pretty well. However, their gift-giving practices drive me nutso! They basically want to tell you EXACTLY what they want and then have you go get it for them. If you put any thought or creativity into the gift, there is a negative reaction. I would rather just give everyone cash and have them go out find exactly what they want. Argh!!
I couldve written that same exact post jbrooke81! - with one exception; the bdays are in Dec. and theres FOUR of them :-( Then on top of it they tell you a gift MINIMUM - no joke. $30 is what they "say" you should spend. We end up buying what we think they will like - if its $25 I am NOT going to buy something else just to meet?the?minimum.?
Ive said it before - but I hate this time of year. I wish it could be about enjoying each other, doing fun traditions, watching the kids get excited and not the snickering between some adults about how much people spent or what people bought.?
Well written!! I feel the exact same way.
**comments are fine**
The last couple weeks we have had more tough/bad days than good. Jake is going through one of the most difficult, challenging, not-sleeping, fussing all day, un-happy baby stages we've ever been through. While I know Ty never slept well, I don't remember him being this way for this many days in a row. Or maybe it's just harder now because there is no break. There is always someone needing me. At all hours.
More frustrating is that my parents tell me that my help is up there, meaning at their house. If I need help, a break- just pack the kids up and come visit. BUT their house isn't childproofed, it takes me days to pack for both kids, I can't just throw them in the car and drive. It's harder for me to watch them up there because the house isn't child friendly, all their toys are here. Running to the store means driving 30 minutes. It would be easier for my mom, both of them, to COME HERE. The last few times my mom has come to watch the boys she's come at the very last minute and then left as soon as I walk in the door. It makes me think she doesn't like being here.
The holidays frustrate me to no end. My parents are about 2 1/2-3 hours away and DH's family is in Sacramento. WE always spend Thanksgiving and Christmas driving between both of them. I hate it. I don't want to do it. It's not fair. NO ONE else has two small kids, but DH isn't willing to ask his family to come here for Thanksgiving because they are all up there. Of course, he has no idea what it takes to pack or prepare for the trip because he only has to get himself ready.
Wow, I had a lot to say today.
Why do men act like the biggest babies when they are sick? DD is sick with a cold, I have a sore throat, but when DH gets a headache, he acts like the world is over.
I have the same problem, except DH works from home. I finally started to ask him, every morning to do the dishes. Then, he finally said "You don't have to ask me every day". Now I refuse to do the dishes, and they get done (by 'do' I mean unload the dishwasher,... we run it at night).
If there's anything else that needs to be done, I ask him, he *generally* remembers and I try to reward him with an obscene amount of praise. So if I need the house picked up, I ask, if he complies, tons of positive praise. If he doesn't comply, no attention given to it whatsoever. (Love and logic training works for adults, too!)
Ugh, that was long winded to say 'you're not alone'!
Andrew's birthday is in 3 short weeks and I have yet to put invites in the mail, why you might ask. The thought of my mom, step-mom and MIL in the same room sounds like less fun than having my fingernails slowly removed. I have zero interest in having a party for him at all.
I am so ready to sleep train Cooper. The many years of constant sleep deprivation are making me cranky and a sh!ty mother. It killed me to sleep train Andrew (and it was a big fat fail) yet I have no qualms at all this time.
I feel like DH isn't the parent he should be. Part of me feels guilty about feeling this way because he does a ton with the boys, gets up at night and the 6am wakeups and gets them out of my hair on the weekends. But why is it that I have to make and enforce all the real parenting decisions. I'm sick of telling him the same things over and over and over again. Don't agree to do it if you aren't going to FFS.
ETA: Comments are ok
Comments okay...
Today would have been my NT scan... I hate my empty uterus.
This might seem silly to some but it's hard for me. My dad wants us all to go together on the drive to my sister's wedding in a few weeks. I am not keen on it whatsoever. I know he'd like to have someone drive with him so he's not alone (he'll be toting a trailer as well) but it's just not going to work. This is where it's tough for me and silly to others--I don't know how to tell him no. We never really had a good relationship until the past year because in a way we were forced to be there more for each other than before. I am scared of what could happen. I always do this---get scared of what could be said. Scared of what he might think of me. Scared of the disappointment. Ugh, I hate getting myself so worked up over this.
I really wanted to say something mean to another mommy yesterday. She had asked if I had run all 13.1 miles of the half marathon. I had told her no that I ended up walking/jogging the last however many miles...she gave this look, a shoulder shrug--almost as if to say that I really didn't accomplish anything. She then walked off---whatever, lady. I'd like to see her run as long as I did--why can't people just be happy for others' accomplishments?! She irked me to no end.
I am feeling uneasy about Thanksgiving plans...mostly because my dad most likely won't be spending them with family. Not too sure how I feel about this...on one hand he won't be lonely. On the other, he should be with his family and I don't want him to spend it with his new 'friend' and her family. Also my oldest brother doesn't know about my dad trying to get out and meet/date people. I don't know how he would handle it. I just get a sickening feeling thinking about it all.
(((Big Hugs)))
Holidays can be frustrating for us too.
Normally we do X-mas eve with my family who is 1.5 hours away. This works out for us because we can have my SS's with us to celebrate with my family too. So this year, because we had Grace, I told my dad that we would like to do X-mas eve at our house this year. I didn't want to pack up a baby and be driving home late at night with her especially if she is cranky. Plus we always have to rush back to Modesto so that they boys can get back to their mom's house that night because she is insistant that they wake up at her house on X-mas morning.
So if they were not going to come to our house for X-mas eve, then we just wouldn't go this year. Which I would have hated to do, but we are the ones that are constantly driving out there, and frankly it was their turn to do so. So this year everyone will be coming to our house instead. Then on X-mas day we go to DH's parents house. Now they are local and in town so it's not such a big deal for commuting or anything like that, but that's just the schedule we work out.
We have come to the point that we are going to do things that are convienent for us now, not everyone else and not worry about hurting anyones else's feelings. They aren't the ones that have to deal with things later, we do.
Man Flu!
the secret blog
No help, but empathy. Now that DH's "part time" he is home for 3 hours alone, M-F. That is more alone time than a SAH parent has, and I think it's completely reasonable for him to take on the bulk of the housework. It just doesn't get done, and I'm letting it be not done. Now he's doing the "I just can't do it all myself, it's too hard" and I have no sympathy. Yes, you can, I could, in half the time. In a quarter of the time! I don't know where we go from here. I have a hard time patting him on the back for a job half a$$ed, he probably feels unappreciated, and it goes round and round.
On another front, DH has another interview with the same dream job company. It's the head person...so this is it. I desperately hope he gets this job because it would save our family, but pessimistically I don't think he'll get it. If he doesn't get it we are at a precipise in the financial crisis that is our life right now...there is no longer a head in the sand option and it's scary.
Comments fine.
(comments ok)
I am laden with guilt. I am painfully realizing that I don?t enjoy being a SAHM as much as I had hoped for. I am also frustrated at coming up with a part-time job that pays enough to make financial sense to put Robbie in Daycare.
Part of the struggle is also the reality that the chance for me to get back to my old career path is remote at best in this economy. I am afraid of even getting back into the job search mode that I am contemplating on a drastic career change.
I have been thinking about becoming a doctor, I feel silly and crazy just spelling this out, I mean, I had never taken any chemistry or biology classes in undergrad, and this will be a 10 year process if I am lucky. I feel selfish to asked my DH and Robbie to ?tough it out? with me for the next 10 years!! Dh was of course a bit shocked to hear this, but has declared that he would support my decision. This is of course awesome, but then I can?t help but think this puts all the stress/responsibility on me!
I am so at a lost, and feeling like a big baby when I am suppose to be the grown up here. I am also in the process of weaning R, maybe I am hormonal?
In annoying-DH news, I'm getting sick and tired of him one-upping me every time I say I'm tired or not feeling so hot. If I have the sniffles, he has pneumonia. Every dang time. I feel like he's telling me that I shouldn't expect him to help me out or take care of me or anything. Seriously, you ALWAYS feel worse than I do??? Makes me wonder what he's going to come down with when I have gum surgery in a couple weeks.
I have more.
I'd rather let me kids play with the most oboxiously loud toys them listen to them whine all.day.long.
I'm super sad we can't have a girl. I am completely demented because it's not that I want three kids, I never want to be pregnant again and I couldn't imagine not having either of the boys but I think DH and I will always miss not having a girl in the mix.
If the Dr's can't figure out what's causing all my swelling/water retention soon I am going to lose my damn mind. All the extra weight is causing me some serious health complications but everyone just keeps shrugging their shoulders and it's pissing me off.
*comments are fine*
I am having the same thoughts as you. I love being a SAHM but sometimes I think I need to work. I worked part time for a while but the timing and job weren't right for my family.
It's awesome that you're thinking about going back to school to be a doctor! Glad to hear your DH is supportive too! If medical school seems too long, Physician Assistants and Nurse Practitioners are high in demand too. Just throwing it out there. My SIL is a doctor and says that she probably would've went that route if she could do it all over. Schedules are easier and education is less costly and time.
Good luck with weaning and everything!!
First off... the weaning emotions are no joke! I went through some CRAZY hormonal changes when weaning... I cried a ton, felt lost in a crazy world. Please acknowledge that transition!
I was also going to suggest PA or NP route in leiu of a Doctor. Might be something worth looking into.
A few weeks ago, my MIL brought over a photo book from Shutterfly that she had put together of the pictures that we had taken when Grace was born. I thought it was a nice thing to do and was appreciative of it. However, my FIL had to open his big mouth and ruin it for me. He had the nerve to say to be while DH and MIL were in the other room with the boys "Wow those are some unattactive photos of you" I said "What photos" and he said " The ones in the photobook..." and I said "Oh really" then he says "Well I know but it looks like you got beat with a stick!" I said "Well I just had a baby." and he says "Well I know but not everyone wants people to see photos like that." and I said "Well I am not everyone."
Um...F**K YOU!!!! It's three weeks later and I am still not talking to him, nor is DH. I mean DH was super pissed when I told him what he said and he called MIL after they left and went off on him to her. FIL tried calling to apoligize, but I wouldn't answer the phone. He left a message and it was crap in my mind. I mean someone had to pretty much tell him to call and apoligize. He didn't think that anything he said was wrong. What's new...he does this kind of crap all the time. I don't know that I can let this one pass. I mean everytime I look at the photobook I think of what he said and it doesn't make me sad but it pisses me off.
Who in their right mind says things like that. If my SS's hadn't been at our house that day, I would have gone off on him myself right then and there but I didn't want to make a scene with them there. I half regret that decision now. I mean I could have said lots of things to him....things that everyone else is thinking and just doesn't say because they don't want to deal with the reprecussions. His b-day is coming up and I don't even want to deal with him, and I don't want to do anything for him either.
Comments are fine.
I have been in the same boat. I finally resorted to a chore chart and he has to do X amount a week. I do more than him because I am the SAHM but we each have a minimum. Together we earn date nights when we both meet goal. If only I meet it then I get some "me time" and if only he meets goal then he gets some "me time". So far it is working! I meet goal last week and he didn't and Sunday I got some girl time with friends. It was WONDERFUL!
I really don't like making medical decisions for my daughters. It's so hard. I just want someone to make the right decisions for me. DH and I had a discussion about the H1N1 vaccine last night. I'm torn. We were told that we likely had swine flu over the summer but we were never actually tested. That flu was horrible though. It was not like any flu I've had before. So do we do the vaccine or not? The risks of both decisions scare me. We're on the waiting list at their pedi's office and decided to talk to pedi more about it.
I'm secretly hoping that S's ENT will surprise us at her pre-op appt on Fri and tell us there's a less invasive treatment. I know tonsillectomies and adenoidectomies are pretty minor surgeries and are common but the thought of surgery, anesthesia, and the recovery scare me. S is already underweight and doesn't eat well. I am so scared of the weight loss and possible dehydration from not being able to eat. We are just looking forward to her sleeping without breathing problems. It's scary hearing her stop breathing so often. If anyone has had any experience with T&A's or any type of surgery, I would love to hear your experience.
i know what you mean .. dh and i have front row seats to a friend's trainwreck (she lives w/ us). while it's not polite or very good friend like to laugh .. sometimes that's all you can do to keep your sanity.
Lately I feel like I am going through this pregnancy alone. Mom isn't excited or happy about it (completely not what was expected and had a really bad reaction when I told her), and we really aren't telling anyone. We had our first big Dr's appointment Monday, and got to hear the heartbeat for the first time....HE HAD NO REACTION AT ALL! I was about to cry my eyes out I was so happy and he was just like 'yeah, cool, whatever'. I just want SOMEONE to be excited with me. Luckily my BFF is pg too, so I know I can talk to her, but its just not the same.
So, I picked a fight with him about it yesterday (hormones, lack of sleep, cranky from the return of m/s after a week, etc) and end up really hurting his feelings by telling him I feel like I am in this alone. I know he doesn't get excited/show feelings like I do (which normally is fine and we balance eachother out) but right now I need the happy excited reaction from him and he doesn't get it. He is excited, just doesn't know how to show it...and is almost still in disbelief that all this is real.
So, I am still bummed out, but at the same time I understand. I think its more of wishing the situation with my mom was different and taking it out on him for being his usual self. Comments Ok.
ditto about the hormones.
and FWIW - I know its not the same but if you have a bachelors already, Samuel Merritt has some accelerated NP programs - itd take much less than 10 years and you may REALLY like it!?
Hugs to you! I had T&As and something else done in the same surgery when I was 6. Talk about years and years ago so I can only imagine that the procedures now are much better. All I remember was having to rest for awhile (while everyone else got to play outside). I do remember being scared in pre-opt, mostly because I would have to be separated from my parents. My sister gave me her favorite stuffed animal to be by my side when I was wheeled into surgery. She said it would keep me safe. After the surgery, my parents were VERY pleased with my breathing, especially when I slept. I know that doesn't help much, but I wanted to throw it out there. Oh, and I am glad my parents had me get the surgery! It really improved my health since I got sick all the time prior to that.
My husband could not associate the heartbeat with a real baby. He had a hard time emotionally attaching to my pregnancy until he saw an ultrasound. Maybe that's what your hub is experiencing too -- since they don't carry the bb it's harder for them at first, sometimes. *hugs*
the secret blog
I'm down to the 1WW...and I don't feel any differently than the last cycles. The only thing I have going for me is my chest is a little sore, which usually doesn't happen until a few days before AF. So I keep grabbing myself to make sure they're still sore. I'm sure I look like a really winner fondling myself like that!
comments ok...
It's never too late! One of my old co-workers from my first job (a million years ago when I was young, single, and fresh out of college) is currently in medical school. She has 3 kids, and I think the youngest was maybe 3, the oldest maybe 9 when she went back to school. She's currently in her 3rd year, and is one of the most amazing women I know. She inspires me everyday. And I'm sure there are many, many other stories like this from doctors out there. So if this is something you want, it's absolutely within reach!
Hugs! I'm sorry he was such a jerk off. I remember after I had my first son, I couldn't have a conversation with my mom without her asking when I was going to start working out again, did the doctor give met the all clear to work out, you really need to lose the weight, etc. starting from the day we got home from the hospital. I finally went off on her when my son was maybe 3 weeks old, and she didn't mention it again. Sorry your FIL was so clueless!
*comments are ok*
I just completed my first 1/2 marathon on Sunday and I think I am a little depressed. It was the first thing in a long time that I was doing for ME, the training gave me some "me time" and I got to spend some quality time with two women that I feel have become very dear friends.
I guess this is my main motivation behind training for another one.
More sad ones, I am sorry.
It is a bad time of year for my family, it's coming up on the anniversary of my mom being hospitalized for nearly a month before dying of cancer.
I am dreading all of the holidays. DH and I talked about Thanksgiving last night, he says go for it if we host at our new place. I have to discuss with my family, my brother & grandma wanted something small at their house. I would love to have our first Thanksgiving here, but not sure about the memory of the last one with my mom lingering.
comments okay.
I do this every month!
i'm still thinking good thoughts for you!
~~ married 8.11.07
~~ DD1 1.16.11 ~~ DD2 1.3.14 ~~
~~ BFP3 12.22.15 MMC 2.29.16 @ 13 weeks ~~
~~ 2 D&Cs (3.1.16 and 3.10.16) for MMC
~~ BFP4 10.27.16 MMC 1.23.17 @ 16 weeks ~~ D&E 1.26.17 ~~
I am right there with you.I really do not want to make any thanksgiving meal or do Christmas at all. I am trying to think of the happy times but it is hurts. It hurts alto.
To make matters worse, my MIL thinks I need to "suck it up". Really? You really want me to go and spend money on sh!t you don't need b/c you judge your family by what we get you?Ohhhh I hate this. I always walked during the halfs I've done. I've gotten the shoulder shrug and I just want to punch the person. The other thing I hate is when you tell someone you ran a half marathon and they say, 'oh, not a full marathon?' No, I ran a half. And they give the shoulder shrug. True, a full marathon is definitely an extraordinary accomplishment, but don't give me the shoulder shrug! My new SIL did that to me. Has she run a full marathon? No! So WTF??