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Babies: 9 - 12 Months
PearlGirl519
member
Update on the situation with my mom..long
PearlGirl519
member
As most of y'all know I put D in daycare because my mom refused to keep him for me while I work.
Well, Saturday we went out to lunch to chit chat while DH was gone and she went on and on (and I do mean on) about how worried she is that I am putting Dillon in daycare. She's so worried about someone hurting him or getting sick. I gave her a 'wtf' face and jokingly said that we wouldn't be in this situation if you could still watch him 3 days a week.
All hell broke loose. She says it's not her fault that I got pregnant and had a baby. And, while she's right - it's a very biitchy thing for her to throw out at me.
She says she can't keep him because she has other obligations - as in her hobbies. And, I totally understand and respect that. So, I was shifting Dillon between my mom, my grandma, and my friend. This would mean that she would have 2-3 days of a 5 day week off. She never really kept him a full week yet, she is acting like the world is on her shoulders with him.
Also, I think she did alot of lying to us. She'd call me and tell me that he's throwing up all over the place, that it's in her hair, all over her bed, and that he won't stop throwing up. DH and I took him to the pedi and Dillon was perfectly fine. He didn't throw up with us - he's actually never thrown up infront of us. It's supposedly always with her. I really have no clue about all that..
She keeps telling me that he's spoiled and that he's basically a demon child - what the hell? No, he is not. You can not spoil a baby and he's not a demon child, he's not even high maintenance. He has his fussy periods where he's overtired and teething and that's it. She says that she can not grocery shop with him - that he goes into meltdown mode when she takes him into a store. I have never been grocery shopping w/o him - he's been grocery shopping with me from the get-go and we've never had an issue.
On our honeymoon (we went somewhere an hour away for the weekend) I called to check on him "You've got to come home"; "He's made me his biitch"; "I can't do this"; "You're getting massages? Must be nice". Yeah mom, thanks for making me feel like shiit.
And, after all this...she is "heartbroken" that we are moving and she won't get to see him.
I've lost alot of respect for my mom during this whole debacle. She never even kept him a full 5 day week yet, "she can't do this shiit anymore".
DH has had it with her and the drama she creates. So when she said "now that he's in daycare, he can spend the night with me" DH told her no, that he's obviously too much to handle.
I really hate feeling this way towards my mom but, I can't really help it. I just don't feel the same way about her now. She's so vulgar about things and she makes my skin crawl when I'm around her.
My own mother.
/vent
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Update on the situation with my mom..long
"he's made me his biitch?"
Seriously??
I would have no further relationship with that woman...
She's used that line a few different times..it's wretched to say the least.
I'm sorry, your mom needs to do some growing up. You're doing everything I would do though, good for you and your dh.
Totally this. I know it's your mom, but gosh. How mean could you possibly be?
Not to mention that she called him a demon child.
I'm so sorry, that's just an awful thing to hear from your mom.
Yeah....I wouldn't want her keeping D at all if that's her attitude. It's hard enough when you're working as a team, but to have all of that resentment on both sides is just trouble waiting to happen.
There are some people I never leave DD alone with because I know they just don't have the patience for a baby. Don't let her guilt-trip you. She's all over the place, and none of it is good. Take care of your own family and send her a Christmas card or something.
Sorry for the bad situation.
Don't feel bad for feeling that way about your mom. She is treating your SON (her grandson) like he's an inconvenience. No grandmother should ever be like that. And it sounds to me like your son is better off in daycare where they will treat him nicely, instead of like a burden like your mom is acting. If your LO really is crying, etc, while he is with your mom, maybe it is because he senses that she is frustrated or irritated or maybe she yells at him. If it were me, I would tell my mom she doesn't get to be around my child until she realizes that children are a blessing, and she needs to respect my family.
Thanks for the input - I know we all complain about MIL's but, I feel like I really lucked out in that dept., maybe because I have the mother from hell?
I just can't look at her the same - and I agree fish, I feel like she's not capable of taking care of him. She is obviously in her own little world.
I just hate that this is my own mother. And, I can't help but feel guilty for feeling that way.
I don't know the backstory here, so I feel like I'm missing something. But some parents have a hard time becoming grandparents. Sounds like you both have some unrealistic expectations each other (and the baby?). Maybe the distance from the move will help. Maybe as your DS gets older, she'll come around. For now, it may be best to stop bringing up the idea of her keeping your LO. It seems to be adding pressure and anxiety on both of you and your relationship.
GL
This. You don't want him with her. Who knows when he'll pick up on what appears to be her very strong resentment of him.
You hit the nail on the head.
This is just another layer on the onion in the bag of onions that is the relationship I have with her.
Take this is a learning opportunity... you will never make your child feel like his children are an inconvenience. Whenever my Mom irritates me I look at the behaviour and commit it to memory and promise myself (hope) that I will not be this way. Sorry for the sucky situation
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Honestly, I think it takes two to tango here. Your mother does not have to be made to feel like she is obligated to care for your child. She is not his mother, she is his grandmother.
You need to completely drop the subject (even in jest) of her providing care for your child. If you want her to get to know her grandchild, then spend time with her with the baby.
I really think both of you have some growing up to do here.
While you are entitled to your opinion, which I respect..... I find it odd that my 5 month old made my mother his biitch.
And, she offered. Which is why we didn't do daycare from the get-go. We offered to pay her and pay her for gas the days she met us halfway. I didn't force this upon her.
First of all your mom sounds like a peach, and no way would I want her watching my child if she felt or acted that way. But I do have to agree with the pp. I never understand why people expect their family to want to watch their kids. You say you respect her choice to not want to watch him but then you throw it in her face, make what seems to be a condescending reference to her obligations only being her "hobbies", and say she would have 2-3 days off. It doesn't sound like you truly respect her decision.
I think I would just drop the topic of her watching/not watching him, and if she brings up daycare just change the subject. And I most certainly wouldn't want her ever watching him again considering her feelings and actions. Or at least not until she changes her tune.
I respect her decision. She's just went about it the wrong way. And her hobbies (obligations) are eating lunch at the country club and doing genealogy. She's also involved in the UDC (historical society).
It's a sucky situation all the way around. I could have went about things differently but, the hurtful comments and distasteful remarks show how she really feels about it.
I agree. I'd have a hard time getting past her comments.?
This is exactly what I was thinking. She was probably horrible to him when she had him. Maybe even bordering on abusive. Seriously she called him a demon child. Why? I would thank my lucky stars you got him out of there before she could do any permenant damge. And no there is no way she could have him alone.
I think your mom might need to see a counselor or a therapist or something. She does not sound normal, not normal at all.