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1st Trimester
FLAFLYGIRL
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MIL vent...wdyt?
FLAFLYGIRL
member
When DD was born (she just turned 2), MIL kept calling herself Mom Mom. I told my DH that I really didn't feel comfortable with that because it was so close to my name for DD (Mom, Mommy) and that I thought it would be confusing for DD. I even told MIL this directly when she said it around me. So we started calling her Abuela and FIL Abuelo (DH's dad is latin). So for the last 2 years this is what we have referred to her as and about a month ago she told DH she doesn't like Abuela anymore. We just got a Halloween card in the mail signed "Abuelo and Mom mom". UGGGHHH! And just so you are aware...this is just one of the SMALL things my MIL does to annoy me. We are supposed to go to their house for Thanksgiving (they live about 6 hours away) and I am totally dreading it. What would you do or say?
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Re: MIL vent...wdyt?
DH should deal with it. Its his mom.
Geez, its not like shes abusing the child...just being annoying with a name.
Children will probably call grandparetns what ever they feel like calling them. My DD calls my father pa paw. Not sure why but that is what she wants to call him no matter how many times we tell her to call him grandpa.
I wouldn't worry about it but I would suggest that if your daughter could learn a word to call her try granny. I agree Mom Mom is just to close to mom for my liking.
well, if it bothers her that much and clearly MIL is not getting the message.
it's really really hard when someone deliberatley does something that you don't like with your own kid and deliberatley ignores your requests.
I agree! Have him step up to the plate. Abuela may be more willing to listen.
GL!!!
Bwahaha! Granny...I love it! That would be soooo funny to me!
I know you are frustrated, but I don't really see the big deal.
It isn't like your child is going to mistake her for you...
I called my grandmothers Mom-Mom, but we pronounced it Mumum. I never had any issues and it doesn't seem too close to Mom.
I think for the poster it isn't so much that the child will get confused but it is about respect. As she said this is one of many things she does and so maybe the MIL doesn't show the poster respect for her wishes in how she wants to raise her child. If that is the case then mom mom to the poster could be a very deep and respected name to call a grandparent and probably doesn't feel like MIL deserves it.
Personally I could not see my daughter calling my MIL mom mom. Probably because I would never consider calling MIL mom.
My DH didn't like my DD calling my father pa paw to much like papa. He is the dad not my dad so it did bother him initially but now he has gotten a lot closer to my father and does refer to him as dad too. There for the respect is there in my DH's eyes and DD can use the name. Dh's step father would not be called papaw
I have the worst of all MILs. Trust me. No story anyone can tell me is going to come close to the things she has done unless their MIL killed someone.
However, your approach is the most passive-aggressive thing I have heard. Deal with it like an adult if you have problems with it. Call said MIL, tell her what you think, and come to a solution if this is the kind of problem that bothers you.
Don't be passive-aggressive. That is immature and not what you should be teaching your kids.
I still think this is one of the weirdest things to be upset over ever.
Yep, you pretty much got it...she is very controlling and is not a good mother herself. I still call her Mrs..so and so. When she is visiting she makes me feel uncomfortable in my own home. I all around don't do well with this lady so DD is sure as heck, not going to be calling her "mom mom".
My best friend called one of her grandmothers "mom" b/c that's what she heard her dad call her. She never confused her grandmother and mother. True story.
Definitely this. I would just continue with how things have been. Who cares if she writes that in a card? You just have to repeating Abuela in front of her to DD. Hopefully DD will catch on and not switch.
Why do you think this is a good idea? Address the issue with the MIL directly. This isn't 1st grade.
I don't think being passive agressive is the way to handle family. All families need to be dealt with in certain ways based on how they are. With my mother-in-law, being passive agressive sometimes works best with her becuase when we've been blunt with her she doesn't change so we take a different approach and its worked. My MIL is Marie from Everybody Loves Raymond, she reacts similarly anytime we confront her on something so we've found a way that works with her. With my parents, we are blunt and it works.
I suggested that the OP continue with how she wants the grandma to be referred to as and to explain to her why if she wants to, if she doesn't want to, then she's going to have to deal with it. She may not want to bring it up at Thanksgiving, becuase why cause tension on a holiday when there are other people around. Calling her ahead of time would def be the best idea if she does want to get it corrected.
I was giving an example of one reason she could bring up as to why she doesn't like it becuase for me, it would be her changing things up that would be annoying me. Some people may think its something dumb to be upset over, but different people get upset over different things. Chances are that something you might get upset over is over-reacting and dumb to some people. I think grandparents should be able to be called whatever they want within reason, but if its something that the parents don't like or feel comfortable with then they should be able to veto it.
What ever happened to just plain grandma and grandpa!?
Thank you.. I really do think you are right about how to handle this. In his family they don't discuss things like in mine. If it were my mom I would say to her directly "Mom...what the heck?". In DH's family, that wouldn't go over well...as they just don't communicate to each other AT ALL.
And thank you for your support in knowing that some things bother certain people and not others. I totally agree with you....what happened to Grandma and Grandpa? That is what DD calls my parents!
That is the definition of passive aggressive.
Sorry. You aren't going to convince me otherwise.
Call the MIL. Tell her you are uncomfortable with that name for whatever reason. Tell her DD will be calling her *insert name here*.
End of story.
Why is that so hard?
I would be upset too. DD calls me Mama, and "Mom mom" is just way to close. And she's not your child's mom!!! It's just weird. I would just keep using Abuela or Grandma. If she brings up the Mom mom nonsense again, just reiterate that it makes you uncomfortable. And if your DD knows her as Abuela, changing to Mom mom (or anything else) now will confuse her.
DH's nephews call MIL and FIL "Beh beh" and "Bapa" - names the older nephew invented when he was a baby. Bapa I can deal with because it kinda sounds like Grandpa. But theyr'e 5 and 7 now, they can pronounce "Grandma" appropriately, but they don't because everyone else says "Behbeh" so the kids never learn the right name. When DD was born MIL was referring to herself as Behbeh. We said we want DD to figure out her own name for them, so we call them Grandma and Grandpa and DD will figure out what she wants to call them.
While you think her suggestion is passive aggressive. I think your way may be direct but could come across very rude if I call her out of the blue (I never call her) and just announce to her DD will be calling you Abuela or whatever. I am just going to continue to call her Abuela and teach DD to call her that as well.
This.