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1st Trimester
Stupid Vent on Lifelong Friend - sorry it's long
I'm not really sure what to do in this situation. I've been friends with the girl since we were 4 years old (oh my god that's 30 years). Anyway, she moved to CA several years ago and has really changed a lot. She's has become VERY militant regarding many issues and gets very angry when people (and by people, I mean me) do not share the same opinions. The changes that she has made in her life are great, for her. She seems happier and more fulfilled, which is fantastic, for her. While she has no children of her own, she tells me frequently that there is no need to give birth at a hospital and that home births are "better for the baby." That's great, for her. She told me I was irresponsible for having a c-section with my DS (after 36 hours of labor and a baby in distress). When I told her this weekend that I was pregnant again, she said that she really hoped I would make the decision to have a natural child birth since it's so much better for the baby. I told her that I wish that I could, but my doctor (the trained professional with 25 years of experience) has advised me not to b/c I am unable to give birth naturally (weird pelvic bones). She got all pissy and holier-than-thou and told me that I obviously do not really care about my baby. Seriously!!?? This coming from the girl that has terminated two pregnancies b/c she didn't know who baby daddy was! Can you say, hypocrite? Can I stilll even be friends with her? I feel like if I end the friendship I will be throwing away 30 years of "mostly" wonderful memories. Sorry about the vent, but everyone else I could talk to about this is really good friends with her.
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Re: Stupid Vent on Lifelong Friend - sorry it's long
My advice to you is.. People are in your life at certain times for certain reasons... it does not mean that they are ALWAYS meant to be in your life. If she's become this different of a person and can't understand or at least be respectful of your decisions of what to do with your children and your body... it may just be time to move on.
I recently let go of a friendship that lasted 14 years... we just became different people and I wish her nothing but th ebest.. but I wish the same for myself. I wasn't happy anymore when i would speak to her and it became stressful.
It seems like she has changed, and that the two of you are in very different places right now. That being said, I would be extremely offended if she had said those things to me. I would just explain to her that you are following the advice of your doctor. The option that ends with a healthy mom and baby is the best for you. I would also tell her that it is hard for her to understand since she has never been in your situation.
I don't think you have to end the friendship. It might mean distancing yourself for a little while. And you may have to avoid those topics that you disagree with.
Sorry you're dealing with this!
I am sorry you are going through this. IMO, we pregnant ladies should try to surround ourselves with supportive friends and family, not people who berate us for every decision or event (especially those that are sometimes our of our hands).
That said, it doesn't seem that this friend is being supportive, much less concerned for you and the baby for the "right" reasons. Maybe you should distance yourself from her until the baby comes?? If she keeps it up even afterwards, drop her. Just a thought.
This - exactly this, I recently had a friendship (15+ years) end because we had both changed so much that our friendship became a source of stress in my life. I agree 100% that people are in your life at certain times for certain reasons, perhaps it is time to let go of the friendship. Good luck:-)
I agree with pp, maybe not end the friendship but distance yourself.
Her opinion on home births, is exactly that, her opinion. Granted, I read/watch about all these women who have home births and think that would be a great experience but in reality it is not for me and not for everyone. AND (sorry not yelling but your friend needs this)...are home births really that safe??? I am sure in most cases they are but it some and in your case they are definitely not safer. She can have her opinion but that does not make your decision wrong or right. Also, she has no right commenting when she has never experienced pregnancy or birth. Sorry, I am mad at her too!! I love how people think they know best when they have no experience at all. Good luck to you.
Yep, this is exactly right. I recently had to "discuss" a situation with a friend, mind you it wasn't a life-long friend, but someone I could talk to frequently. When he consistantly told me my faith was wrong (although I never told him his faith was wrong) I basically told him that we have different opinions, and that is fine. That I could no longer listen to him disrespect what I believe when he, himself, doesn't even follow his own faith. I then told him I would like to be friends with him but if he cannot at least respect what I blieve (he doesn't have to believe it, but just respect the fact I do) then he doesn't need to talk to me any longer.
Needless to say, I haven't heard from this person ever again, but I set bounderies that he was not willing to accept. My life has been much more peaceful since. I do wish him well though.
This! (And please don't think all of us Californians are opinionated tree huggers...some of us still have a brain of our own)
I have friends like that too that are more than happy to voice their unsolicited advice. With or without kids so they have different experiences. They aren't usually so rude or forceful and I'm pretty adamant about the way I "want" to have my baby so they usually back off if I get into it with them.
If I were you, I'd tell her that she is entitled to her own opinion and when she has her kids then you hope she has good luck with that method. But that you are also entitled to your opinion and you/your hubby/and your doctor have agreed on this method for your body and your child. She really has no say and if she cant come to terms with that then she needs to re-evaluate her support level in your life.
Home-births are not always best. My daughter had meconium asperation and probably would not have made it had we not been in a hospital. Your friend seems very narrow minded.
If you want to keep her as a friend, maybe just let her know that there are certain subjects you'd prefer not to discuss with her.