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2nd Trimester
sapphire angel
member
Frustrated w/ Fiance over the registry
sapphire angel
member
We are arguing over when to set up a registry. I want to do it now, Fiance wants to wait and not even start looking until Thanksgiving. We are both poor college grad students at different universities and he doesn't even make enough to support himself. He's living off his student loan and I am sending money. I understand we don't have the money to buy this stuff right now but we do need to budget for it and how are we supposed to do that without knowing how much the baby things add up to? Also our families are just so excited about the baby that they want to start shopping for us. They want to help us with getting these things but they obviously can't pick out the crib and car seats for us or choose the colors for the nursery stuff. Our families also used one year's Christmas presents to give us stuff to set up an apartment (pots/ dishes/ silverware/ etc..) and they have hinted that this is what they want to do again with the baby stuff.
So in my opinion we should get this done soon so they have time to shop around for good deals and sales. Fiance wants to wait so that we can both go together into the store to set up a registry which means waiting until Thanksgiving. I've already pointed out to him that the only place nearby that I could go into the store and set up a registry is Target, no babies r us nearby for either of us so that will definitely have to wait until Thanksgiving with our families. I have suggested doing this online together as we have Mac computers with the camera chat so we can talk and share links in "real time." This way we can pick things out and narrow down the choices but not actually set up a registry just yet and give our families some direction.
I don't think this is a horrible compromise, is it? He's really dragging his feet about picking out baby stuff. I've been asking about this for 2 weeks now. I know we are both really frustrated that he's not here and that I am essentially on my own with the baby for now and the foreseeable future, but the only way we are going to get comfortable with the financial burden is if we plan for it and he's ALWAYS been one to have roughly laid plans for the next 2-3 years.
Am I missing something that he's not outright saying? I've asked if he's been busy with a project because if so we can wait until he's done and he's not. What else could I do? I really want to include him in as much as possible which means doing this over the internet, but if he keeps dragging his feet like this I'm just going to pick everything myself and tell him to suck it up.
Any advice would be helpful. Thanks Ladies!
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Re: Frustrated w/ Fiance over the registry
You answered your own question. You need to do it yourself if you want to get it done early. I do agree with you on getting it done before the holidays - I registered already, and have a shower the Saturday before Christmas. He just might not be interested.
I gave my DH assignments, things that I knew would interest him. He researched the car seat, and the furniture, which was right up his alley. Maybe you can try the same.
*If it were me*, I would just let him know that I am doing it such and such day at such and such time, and if he wants anything to do with it, he can meet you then. Maybe I'm a biotch, but crap needs to get done! Onnn with it! lol
I agree I would just do it he's a guy they sometimes lose the concept of time... theirs plenty of other things for him to take part in
It's still early yet for us to register but I have a private wishlist on Amazon that I've been adding things to. Basically I'm doing all the research and adding my top few choices for the big ticket items (car seat, stroller, crib, etc.). When DH has time, we can sit down and discuss the pros and cons and make a final selection. Would this work for you? This way you can get most of your registry in place and he still gets a say in the matter. When you've made your final decisions you can set up your public registry and let your friends and family know.