My thoughts on "not trying"

1MusicMaker · October 2009

Why is it so bad to say that you are trying to get pregnant?

I see so many times that we aren't trying, but I know when I O'ed (::wink wink::). Guess what, if you're having unprotected sex, especially if you are timing that sex around your cycle, you're trying to get pregnant. So why not say you're trying?

I'm thinking maybe it's so that people don't feel like they're jinxing themselves. What do you think? This is not aimed at one poster, because I see it several times a day on the boards. I'm just trying to understand the stigma of trying to get pregnant.

Mrs.McLovin · October 2009

I think it is more of a no pressure kind of thing.

jamie5315 · October 2009

My best friend did the same thing. To me not preventing=trying.

Tess12 · October 2009

I think it's the jinx factor and not trying to get themselves all worked up and hyper about it. I know I was trying to be low-key about the whole thing, just in case it took a while. I didn't want to be a TTC-obsessed maniac.

LindsayMarieG · October 2009

I think the term "passively trying" fits the situation much better.

DelGrecoBride · October 2009

I think its more of their mindset....while people who actively try they are charting, etc. But people who are not technically trying are not worried from one month to the next that they did not get pregnant. If it happens, it happens. If it doesnt, it doesnt. KWIM?

nooniesgal · October 2009

I think it has more to do with actively trying...charting, temping, taking o tests, making sure you are having sex when you ovulate even if you could care less vs. not trying...which to me means if it happens it is great but you aren't stressing over it yet.

iris427 · October 2009

I think some nesties have the attitude that unless you are temping every morning, checking your cervical mucus, charting your cycle, etc., you are not really "trying."

1MusicMaker · October 2009

DelGrecoBride:
I think its more of their mindset....while people who actively try they are charting, etc. But people who are not technically trying are not worried from one month to the next that they did not get pregnant. If it happens, it happens. If it doesnt, it doesnt. KWIM?

No, I do not kwym. We never charted or went crazy, nor would I have gotten all worked up had I not gotten pregnant for a few months. But we were knowingly having sex around my time of ovulation, hence we were trying to get pregnant.

carolinag · October 2009

we truly weren't trying, but weren't preventing when i got pg w/timmy. i think that we say this b/c we weren't actively trying to make it happen. i had no clue about my cycles and all that business. however we were open to having a baby if it happened so we weren't preventing it either. we were planning on "trying" a year after i got pg, but since timmy was here there was no need. i think next time around we'll be more precise on trying to get pg at a certain time in life.

Mrs.McLovin · October 2009

does pull and pray fall into this category?

franciscaz · October 2009

For me trying means chemistry experiments: clomid, OPK's timing, blood work, and u/s.

I will never be "trying" again HAPPILY!

Brookie-Cookie · October 2009

trying to me = putting more effort in to it than just humping when you feel like it. Even if it just paying attention to the calendar.

ETA: Oh and of course not using a regular BC method.

DelGrecoBride · October 2009

1MusicMaker:

DelGrecoBride:
I think its more of their mindset....while people who actively try they are charting, etc. But people who are not technically trying are not worried from one month to the next that they did not get pregnant. If it happens, it happens. If it doesnt, it doesnt. KWIM?

No, I do not kwym. We never charted or went crazy, nor would I have gotten all worked up had I not gotten pregnant for a few months. But we were knowingly having sex around my time of ovulation, hence we were trying to get pregnant.

well maybe you will understand better what some of the other posters are saying...its pretty much what I said. its all about mindset...you knowingly had sex around your O time in order to get pregnant. Some people arent really having sex on purpose during their O time in order to get pregnant. They are just having sex whenever they want to. If they don't get pregnant then its no big deal...if they do then its a bonus.

1MusicMaker · October 2009

I have a completely different mentality on this than most of the women on this board, lol.

My point is this: if you want to get pregnant, you have sex around the time of ovulation. That is called trying to get pregnant (obviously, some people need varying degrees of medical intervention. This is outside the realm of this conversation) to me. I guess my babies are just oops babies, then, according to most nesties?

ETA: That sounded snarky, but I didn't mean it to be. Would most nesties in my position say they have oops babies?--is how I meant it to come across.

1MusicMaker · October 2009

DelGrecoBride:
well maybe you will understand better what some of the other posters are saying...its pretty much what I said. its all about mindset...you knowingly had sex around your O time in order to get pregnant. Some people arent really having sex on purpose during their O time in order to get pregnant. They are just having sex whenever they want to. If they don't get pregnant then its no big deal...if they do then its a bonus.

Hi. My name's musicmaker, and in my original post I specifically quoted the instances where posters were saying "I'm not trying, but I know when I O'ed". That is having sex during ovulation.

DelGrecoBride · October 2009

1MusicMaker:

I have a completely different mentality on this than most of the women on this board, lol.

My point is this: if you want to get pregnant, you have sex around the time of ovulation. That is called trying to get pregnant (obviously, some people need varying degrees of medical intervention. This is outside the realm of this conversation) to me. I guess my babies are just oops babies, then, according to most nesties?

no they aren't oops babies,because you had the mindset of...."oh im ovulating, lets have sex so we can get pregnant"

I think the "we got pregnant but we weren't trying!" mindset is wrong when someone does not necessarilly want to get pregnant but they are not using any form of protection.

emiliemadison · October 2009

"Not Trying" = Having sex and actively trying to prevent pregnancy, including BCP, condoms, diaphragm, FAM with either abstinence or condoms during fertile times etc.

"Trying"= Having sex and using no method to actively avoid pregnancy.

DelGrecoBride · October 2009

1MusicMaker:
DelGrecoBride:

well maybe you will understand better what some of the other posters are saying...its pretty much what I said. its all about mindset...you knowingly had sex around your O time in order to get pregnant. Some people arent really having sex on purpose during their O time in order to get pregnant. They are just having sex whenever they want to. If they don't get pregnant then its no big deal...if they do then its a bonus.

Hi. My name's musicmaker, and in my original post I specifically quoted the instances where posters were saying "I'm not trying, but I know when I O'ed". That is having sex during ovulation.

im sorry i must have misunderstood you.

secuccaro · October 2009

Mrs.McLovin:

I think it is more of a no pressure kind of thing.

me too.

1MusicMaker · October 2009

emiliemadison:
"Not Trying" = Having sex and actively trying to prevent pregnancy, including BCP, condoms, diaphragm, FAM with either abstinence or condoms during fertile times etc.
"Trying"= Having sex and using no method to actively avoid pregnancy.

okay good it's not just me.

emiliemadison · October 2009

iris427:
I think some nesties have the attitude that unless you are temping every morning, checking your cervical mucus, charting your cycle, etc., you are not really "trying."

And then some of them are SHOCKED when they UNEXPECTEDLY get pregnant. Confused

.DietDrPepper. · October 2009

iris427:

I think some nesties have the attitude that unless you are temping every morning, checking your cervical mucus, charting your cycle, etc., you are not really "trying."

Yes

ShanJosh777 · October 2009

1MusicMaker:
I have a completely different mentality on this than most of the women on this board, lol.
My point is this: if you want to get pregnant, you have sex around the time of ovulation. That is called trying to get pregnant (obviously, some people need varying degrees of medical intervention. This is outside the realm of this conversation) to me. I guess my babies are just oops babies, then, according to most nesties?

No, you were trying. You said you were knowingly having sex around your O date. I say that we weren't trying, because we weren't purposely having sex around any certain date. I didn't chart or even know what my cycle was because I had just stopped taking BC one day. We just had sex when we wanted, and weren't going to be happy or sad if we didn't get pregnant.

1MusicMaker · October 2009

DelGrecoBride:

im sorry i must have misunderstood you.

That's okay--I completely understand the "no pressure" thing. We definitely weren't announcing to anyone IRL we were trying b/c I didn't want to jinx anything or have people asking if we had news. It's when people say they purposefully have sex when they ovulate, but still don't consider it trying. Blows my mind.

1MusicMaker · October 2009

ShanJosh777:
No, you were trying. You said you were knowingly having sex around your O date. I say that we weren't trying, because we weren't purposely having sex around any certain date. I didn't chart or even know what my cycle was because I had just stopped taking BC one day. We just had sex when we wanted, and weren't going to be happy or sad if we didn't get pregnant.

That makes more sense to me. It's what I stated above that boggles my mind.

emiliemadison · October 2009

ShanJosh777:
1MusicMaker:
I have a completely different mentality on this than most of the women on this board, lol.
My point is this: if you want to get pregnant, you have sex around the time of ovulation. That is called trying to get pregnant (obviously, some people need varying degrees of medical intervention. This is outside the realm of this conversation) to me. I guess my babies are just oops babies, then, according to most nesties?
No, you were trying. You said you were knowingly having sex around your O date. I say that we weren't trying, because we weren't purposely having sex around any certain date. I didn't chart or even know what my cycle was because I had just stopped taking BC one day. We just had sex when we wanted, and weren't going to be happy or sad if we didn't get pregnant.

This is what I dont understand. If you weren't trying to get pregnant, why did you stop taking BC? If it didnt matter either way, then why not just stay on BC until you wanted to get pregnant?

ShanJosh777 · October 2009

emiliemadison:
ShanJosh777:
1MusicMaker:
I have a completely different mentality on this than most of the women on this board, lol.
My point is this: if you want to get pregnant, you have sex around the time of ovulation. That is called trying to get pregnant (obviously, some people need varying degrees of medical intervention. This is outside the realm of this conversation) to me. I guess my babies are just oops babies, then, according to most nesties?
No, you were trying. You said you were knowingly having sex around your O date. I say that we weren't trying, because we weren't purposely having sex around any certain date. I didn't chart or even know what my cycle was because I had just stopped taking BC one day. We just had sex when we wanted, and weren't going to be happy or sad if we didn't get pregnant.
This is what I dont understand. If you weren't trying to get pregnant, why did you stop taking BC? If it didnt matter either way, then why not just stay on BC until you wanted to get pregnant?

I see what you're saying. I don't know, I guess I just think of "trying" as actually timing sex to conceive a baby, which we weren't doing. I think that hearing so many people talk about how it took them x number of cycles after stopping BC to get pregnant is what made it seem like we were just waiting to see what happened, and not that stopping BC automatically equaled getting pregnant.

But you make it sound like I didn't want to get pregnant and stopped BC anyway, which wasn't the case. We were fine with getting pregnant whenever it happened, just weren't timing anything.

Monkeybuttwhat · October 2009

We are TTC but not really trying trying imo. I gave my CBEFM to my sister and I am not charting. I know how long my cycles are after having DD, they are always 32 days. So I know I O day 18 give or take. I won't lie and say I don't know when day 18 is but I don't feel like we are trying trying if you know what I mean because we are being a lot more relaxed about it than the first time with all the stuff we had to go through. I am not going to be sad at the end of every cycle until I pass the time it took me to get pregnant with DD ( I have a year).

emiliemadison · October 2009

Monkeybuttwhat:
We are TTC but not really trying trying imo. I gave my CBEFM to my sister and I am not charting. I know how long my cycles are after having DD, they are always 32 days. So I know I O day 18 give or take. I won't lie and say I don't know when day 18 is but I don't feel like we are trying trying if you know what I mean because we are being a lot more relaxed about it than the first time with all the stuff we had to go through. I am not going to be sad at the end of every cycle until I pass the time it took me to get pregnant with DD ( I have a year).

But you're having sex with the intent and hope that a baby is the end result. How is that not "trying"?

Monkeybuttwhat · October 2009

emiliemadison:
Monkeybuttwhat:
We are TTC but not really trying trying imo. I gave my CBEFM to my sister and I am not charting. I know how long my cycles are after having DD, they are always 32 days. So I know I O day 18 give or take. I won't lie and say I don't know when day 18 is but I don't feel like we are trying trying if you know what I mean because we are being a lot more relaxed about it than the first time with all the stuff we had to go through. I am not going to be sad at the end of every cycle until I pass the time it took me to get pregnant with DD ( I have a year).
But you're having sex with the intent and hope that a baby is the end result. How is that not "trying"?

I said we are TTC...to me there is a difference than really trying like charting and medical intervention. That is why I took the time to explain how I feel about it from my experience the first time.

Monkeybuttwhat · October 2009

I didn't say I am going to show up and say hey guys I had an oops baby or a baby is an accident.

I have not been on any BC since I had DD a year ago. We used pull and pray all year knowing there was a chance. The doctor said it is likely I might need intervention again. So in your eyes I have been trying since 6 weeks PP in mine I know I really haven't and I knew when I O'ed and avoided around O time. It is all about perspective.

emiliemadison · October 2009

Monkeybuttwhat:
I didn't say I am going to show up and say hey guys I had an oops baby or a baby is an accident.
I have not been on any BC since I had DD a year ago. We used pull and pray all year knowing there was a chance. The doctor said it is likely I might need intervention again. So in your eyes I have been trying since 6 weeks PP in mine I know I really haven't and I knew when I O'ed and avoided around O time. It is all about perspective.

I dont want you to think I was picking on you or your perspective. I was just truly curious because my own perspective is that having unprotected sex with the hope of a baby is "trying". Avoiding sex around O is not trying (so no, I definitely dont think you've been trying since 6w pp!). The infertility factor would absolutely play a role in perspective as well.

Monkeybuttwhat · October 2009

I think being on BOTB as long as I was really made me understand everyone says and does things differently for a reason. Eh.

Speaking of which. Are you thinking about having anymore kids?

emiliemadison · October 2009

Monkeybuttwhat:
I think being on BOTB as long as I was really made me understand everyone says and does things differently for a reason. Eh.
Speaking of which. Are you thinking about having anymore kids?

I understand

Nope, we're done. DH got the big "V" this summer and I'm pleased as punch and feel very content with my two monsters

Monkeybuttwhat · October 2009

I think my next will be my last two. I think

. Some crazy part of me is like hey 3 might be so cool.

daisyterp · October 2009

Tess12:
I didn't want to be a TTC-obsessed maniac.

Ditto this. I was 30 when I got PG w/ DD and 33 w/ this PG- I was all set for it to take a while, so I didn't want to stress myself out until we had been playing on a field w/o a goalie for a few months. I think a lot of women put a lot of pressure on themselves, stress themselves out, etc.

I understand how my body works and know that I am very lucky to get got KU as quickly as I have both times, but I don't really love when ppl let everyone know they are "trying."

LoriFalce · October 2009

emiliemadison:
ShanJosh777:
1MusicMaker:

I have a completely different mentality on this than most of the women on this board, lol.

My point is this: if you want to get pregnant, you have sex around the time of ovulation. That is called trying to get pregnant (obviously, some people need varying degrees of medical intervention. This is outside the realm of this conversation) to me. I guess my babies are just oops babies, then, according to most nesties?

No, you were trying. You said you were knowingly having sex around your O date. I say that we weren't trying, because we weren't purposely having sex around any certain date. I didn't chart or even know what my cycle was because I had just stopped taking BC one day. We just had sex when we wanted, and weren't going to be happy or sad if we didn't get pregnant.

This is what I dont understand. If you weren't trying to get pregnant, why did you stop taking BC? If it didnt matter either way, then why not just stay on BC until you wanted to get pregnant?

I think that would be...why take pills if you don't care if you get pregnant? Why is it something that has to be so regulated?

Monkeybuttwhat · October 2009

daisyterp:
Tess12:
I didn't want to be a TTC-obsessed maniac.
Ditto this. I was 30 when I got PG w/ DD and 33 w/ this PG- I was all set for it to take a while, so I didn't want to stress myself out until we had been playing on a field w/o a goalie for a few months. I think a lot of women put a lot of pressure on themselves, stress themselves out, etc.
I understand how my body works and know that I am very lucky to get got KU as quickly as I have both times, but I don't really love when ppl let everyone know they are "trying."

I am going to take a guess here and say you didn't spend a year TTC and a lot of time on BOTB or GP.

disbride061103 · October 2009

emiliemadison:

"Not Trying" = Having sex and actively trying to prevent pregnancy, including BCP, condoms, diaphragm, FAM with either abstinence or condoms during fertile times etc.

"Trying"= Having sex and using no method to actively avoid pregnancy.

I disagree. I thinkg that "trying" implies that you are actively doing something to get pregnant. If that is temping, checking CM, just having sex around O date, whatever, but you are doing something.

After DS was born, DH and I took the attitude that whatever happens is fine. I never went back on birth control and we never did anything to actively try to get pregnant. I knew my cycles are 25 to 27 days, but I don't chart and I certainly wasn't purposely having sex around my O date. So I was telling people that we weren't trying, but weren't preventing either.

DH and I have now decided to TTC and right now for us, that means me tracking CM, so I would say that now we are trying, and before we weren't.

LittleApple · October 2009

LOL So does that mean the Duggars are always trying to get pregnant?? They don't use any form of BC at all and I don't think Michelle tracks her CM or temps etc.

Want a personalized experience?

My thoughts on "not trying"

Re: My thoughts on &quot;not trying&quot;

Choose Another Board

Search Boards

Want a personalized experience?

My thoughts on &quot;not trying&quot;

Re: My thoughts on &amp;quot;not trying&amp;quot;

Choose Another Board

Search Boards

My thoughts on "not trying"

Re: My thoughts on "not trying"