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2nd Trimester
DH and gender disappointment
So last week we found out that we are having a little girl. I would be lying if I said that I didn't want a boy, and I really had a feeling it was a boy, but it is a girl. So it took me about 2 to 3 days to get used to the idea it was a girl and now I want to start thinking about names and the nursery and everything. (we had everything picked out already if it was a boy) But DH is just uninterested in everything and is showing no interest whatsoever. It is like he is not even excited we are having a baby any more since it isn't a boy. Has anyone else's DH been like this, how long did it take him to come to grips with it? Should I just wait a while before trying to do all this stuff? Am I being over sensitive by letting it bother me so much?
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Re: DH and gender disappointment
We found out last week we are having a girl also and this is our first. DH really really wanted a boy. He was alittle dissapointed and I just kept saying we need to pray its healthy. He is fine now but I said I understand he wants the first to be a boy and now hes happy! It will take a little time but he will be fine.
awe... I'm sorry. Try not to let this get you down... My brother was pretty sad that not only once, but twice he was given daughter's and wanted so badly to have a son. Once they come, it's a whole other story. Those girls are daddy's girls and he love's them like none other.
Sorry, not to make you feel worse, but we always kidded and he said, "great you only have one penis to worry about, I have all the rest!" regarding my other brother's son and his daughters. ...made me laugh.
GOOD LUCK
I don't think you're over sensitive, I'd be bothered by it too. I'd play up the daddy's girl too. Do you want more children? There is always time to have a boy down the road!
We just found out we're having a girl, but I thought I'd have gender disappointment if it turned out to be a boy, so I talked about it in therapy & mentally worked through it.
DD february 2010 | DS october 2011
*please excuse my typos, bumping from my iphone*
Maybe he was so convinced it was a boy that he's in a state of shock. I think I would have been that way if we were having a boy. From the moment we found out I was pregnant all I've thought was GIRL. Not that I would care either way but I think I would be surprised if we were having a boy.
Like PP said, buy him some daddy's little girl stuff and he'll fall in love. I keep telling DH, you're in SO much trouble when she comes because you'll be wrapped around her tiny little finger!
This. DH and I didn't find out with DD until she was born and he wanted a boy so bad. It took him 5 seconds and they are like two peas in a pod!
This time we found out and we are having another girl. He is disappointed so I just gave him his space. I wanted a boy as well but I am happy. He'll come around. Just continue to be excited and he will eventually come around. Sometimes guys are just slower than girls.
I have gotten a few "Daddy's little girl" things and he really just blew it off. He says he just needs more time. I think part of the reason he is more upset is because he has a 12 year old daughter from a previous relationship, so this is his second daughter, even though it is our first together. We are unsure about having more kids at this point which I think makes this harder. Also his brother has 2 girls so there is no boy to carry on their family name which I think bothers him.
I guess I just need to give him some more time. But it just kills me that he is not excited.
Deep down Im sure he is excited.. but like others have said probably in "shock". My husband never pictured a girl.. never agreed on a girls name.. bedding.. anything. He wanted a boy - and that was it. When they told him It's a Girl.. it took him a few days.. and now he is calling her Princess.. or Daddys Princess. What helped even more.. is when I started showing him clothes that family had bought her.. and we got her bedding in. He did tell me the other night.. that he never thought he'd have a girl.. but he is excited.. and it melted my heart!
Give you husband some time! Once she gets here - he will be wrapped around her finger!! (ps - maybe that's what he is scared of)
Give it time, I'm sure he'll come around. Just please don't let it get you down. My husband is super excited for our little boy but didn't really care to be involved in nursery planning or much of anything...it's just not something he gets all that excited about, and I understand. It doesn't mean that he isn't excited, he just shows it in a different way.
With that said, I'd be disappointed if my DH were less supportive and just pouting like it seems yours is doing. I think I might have to sit him down and just flat out tell him that I know he was really hoping for a boy, but he's just going to have to come to grips with the fact that you are having a girl. And she will be absolutely precious! But, at the moment, it would be really great if you could show a little enthusiasm about the pregnancy because it will really make me feel more supported which is something I really need right now.
Good luck to you!
I'm sorry for what you're going through, but I've gotta say, I just can't relate. I don't understand being so disappointed over the gender that you don't want to be involved in the planning process. It just seems ... strange to me.
Evelyn (3.24.10), Graham (5.30.13) & Miles (8.28.16)