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Single Parents
I could use a little advice...
Pretty much ever since we found out I was pregnant my bf disappeared.. actually left the state.. Which is fine with me I'd rather him leave now instead of later. The only problem is that his family wants to be overly involved. His mother calls me weekly to ask how things are going and wants to be my new best friend or something. I am sure that if my mother wasn't so freakishly amazing I would want some support but I am extremely private and feel like his mother is smothering me. I have tried to be nice and explain to her that I will contact her when I am ready but she just doesn't get it. I talked to my lawyer and technically she has rights as a grandma once LO is born so I want to keep things pleasant. I am just hoping to do so while keeping my sanity. Did any of you go through this or have any thoughts? TIA!
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Re: I could use a little advice...
my situation is actually the opposite of yours - my bf and I were broken up when I found out i was pregnant, and when I told him he came back INTO the state. and his mother is a little over-involved as well.
maybe you can keep contact with her via e-mail - its a little less invasive than the phone, and if you are having a particularly bad day, you can avoid it until tomorrow. let her know that you are very upset about the whole situation, but maybe make a deal for now to let her know how drs appointments go, upload US pictures and pictures of you, and let her know if there are any problems. maybe ask her an advice question now and then to let her give her opinion. that all kind of helped me - even though the situation is very different.
interestingly enough, my situation is a combination of both of yours. i think jess' advice is really good.
hang in there.
At first his mother was really involved in the pregnancy, calling and wanting to know updates all the time and trying to be supportive. But after she found out that her son might be going to jail she e-mailed me to try to get me to get back with him, I didn't respond because it was ridiculous and since then she hasn't talked to me. I know she is excited about this baby though so I don't know what I will do when she trys to contact me again.
But in your case I think as long as you keep her updated on appointments, ultrasounds and stuff like that but don't let her go overboard it should be good.
My situation is different in that I didn't become a single parent until my daughter was 8 mths old. My mother in law wasn't overly involved in my preg or my dd's life when she was an infant. After my ex and I separated and divorced she started contacting me more frequently. At first it was annoying as 1. she wasn't really involved when we were together. and 2- I felt like she should get her info/visits through her son and 3- it was a contstant reminder of him! But, over time I began to realize that this was her granddaughter and she loves her dearly and she was not the screw up that I was divorced from. I started to be more open to her contacting me and seeing the baby.
I actually became proactive and would just send an email update/pics- this way the contact was on my terms not hers. I kind of beat her to the punch. She was very appreciative of this. I also send pictures at the holidays. She basically now only sees my dd through me and doesn't have much of relationship with her son anymore. We have actually formed a nice bond for my daughters sake. It is important for me to know that I never kept anyone from my daughter. I want her to know I never stood in the way of her other family and that I did all that I could to foster relationships with them. Of course my daughter doesn't have the relationship with my mother in law as she does with my mom- but it's better than nothing and my daughter really does enjoy time with her.
I'm lucky that my mother in law realizes the mistakes her son has made and understand that he is not a good father, husband etc... I know not everyone is in that situation. It took her a while to get there, but she is there now and is actually very supportive and me and my life.
Hang in there and try sending an email update or leave her a message. Just remember it's not an easy situation for her either. Hopefully once the baby comes it will be easier because then the focus is on the baby and not on you and your pregnancy......