- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Eco-Friendly Family
Re: I don't know what to do.
Time is on short supply, so I haven't been able to respond to everyone that responded to my post last night.
Here is the OP: https://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/23781637.aspx
Now... lets see if I can answer some questions that were asked...
Do we swaddle? We did the first few nights, but he was getting his arms out... and when we put him in the sleep sack that kept his arms in, he HATED it... After a few nights with him hating it, we just put him in the sack, without tightening up his arms. We're giving it another try tonight with a SwaddleMe (he was too small for the SwaddleMe when we came home).
Does he sleep during the day? Yes. Someone suggested that we keep bright lights on and loud noises goin during the day and keep things dark and quiet at night. This is actually part of the problem: He doesn't like to sleep in the dark (he cries uncontrollably if he's awake whenwe turn the lights off... they come back on and he's fine... he likes to look at the lights... especially when they're dim, like when we are changing/feeding/soothing him at night)
Will he sleep in a swing? Yes and no. Its hit or miss. I don't really feel comfortable putting him in the swing and trying to sleep myself, so this option doesn't get me more sleep.
Do we use a crib or co-sleep? Right now we're trying anything we can! We have a PnP with a bassinet just a few feet from me. Last night, I was curled up on the couch, cradling him for an hour and a half until my arm went to sleep and my neck started to hurt. Then I returned to the bedroom and let DH deal with any fallout crying that couldn't be helped by a boob or a diaper change. For a while before the couch, I was sleeping with DS on my chest while I was half sitting up in bed, but I just can't sleep taht way... its misery for me. DH did it a little this morning, but DS just reaches his diaphragm, causing DH a little pain to breathe. Is there another safe way to co-sleep?
Have I tried to wear him to sleep? Yes. One night it worked for him... but not me. I slept terribly and was extremely sore the next day. Since we have a Moby, it wouldn't work to try to get him in and out while he's sleeping... so he was just sleeping ON me. Last night I was going to try it again, but he wanted nothing to do with the Moby.
Is it just that he's awake at night and not tired? Yes and no. Part of the time, he's not tired. We're trying to remedy this by waking him up a little more during the day than we were previously. But part of it is also that he's VERY tired but VERY fussy and inconsolable. The fussy and inconsolable part is the hardest for me to deal with. I've cried about it every night three nights in a row. He LOVES DH and DH can usually soothe him more during these "fits" (for lack of a better term at the moment), but he needs some sleep too, so we've been taking shifts...
Hippy- I don't think I did see your links, but I'll try to go back to find them and look at them soon... it was a crazy day around here today! (Plus we have been "sleeping in" until noon or so to makeup for the lack of sleep at night)
Warning
No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Re: I don't know what to do.
Here are a few things to try:
- when he is really inconsolable, try skin to skin contact, even getting in the bath together. It might help both of you relax.
-Also, I would try the five S's, but modify to work for you. For example, DD hated having her arms swaddled, too, so I just swaddled her legs and body. It worked for her.
-Can you get a baby crack machine? The one with the womb sounds and the light show thing? If nothing else, can you get a nightlight so there is some light where he sleeps?
Here is a great link on Safe Cosleeping from the no cry sleep solution.
https://www.pantley.com/elizabeth/books/0071381392.php?nid=169&isbn=0071381392
Take what you need from this and you'll be able to figure out a way to make it work for your family.
Oh, honey... I know exactly how you feel. This right her is exactly how the first two weeks of Basil's life were... I just want to tell you that it's rough, but you WILL get through it. I cried pretty much every night the second week, and didn't know what else I could do... Maybe he has his days and nights mixed up? Basil did... and once she realized it, it got MUCH better.
This helps her sleep: https://whitenoise247.net/nature.aspx
We used (still do) the "Rain with large drops" download at night, as well as this: https://www.cloudb.com/ssandf/turtle.html because she freaks out when the lights are off too, and we don't have dimmer switches. I put it right in her co-sleeper by her feet, and the stars glow on the walls of her co-sleeper and the ceiling and help soothe her.
I was going to suggest swaddling (tight!) because that's the only way Basil will sleep. Try nursing to sleep in sidelaying position? Then moving him to the bassinet?
Sometimes I put Basil in the swing right next to my bed in the mornings when I need to keep sleeping and she won't stay asleep in bed. Works about half the time.
I dunno what else... but hang in there, it gets MUCH better, I promise! Once you each figure each other out, it will be a lot easier.
Oh, and I definitely second the skin-to-skin idea!! The day my milk came in, Basil couldn't eat, and screamed the entire night until the late morning when we could see my midwife and she helped express some of the milk( I had no idea what was wrong.. I didn't realize they could be too full for her to eat..It was a struggle of me trying to get her to nurse, and her not being able to due to HUGE boob and teeny tiny mouth), and skin to skin was the ONLY thing that calmed her down.
DS always got his arms out as well, and we just let him - just swaddled chest down - it still helped a LOT.
Have you tried a baby crack machine? We have the Homemedics one (I don't know if that is 'the one' or not), and one night, when we turned it on the heart beat setting, DS INSTANTLY dropped off - and this was during the first few weeks when he had his days and nights mixed up and we were having problems getting him to sleep and he was crying - he just was instantly asleep - they're not used to silence - they're used to your heart, your blood, digestive noises, etc. Even try putting a radio on static if you don't have anything else. Ours actually has a light show thing as well - and heck, if it keeps him calm for awhile, even if he's awake and you can get some sleep - go for it.
I will leave the safe co-sleeping to another, as I was very wary of it in the beginning because DH is an extremely sound sleeper. However, when DS was older, we did do some side nursing and cosleeping that way in the bed, and it worked well. How to do it safely - I'd think / ask about that if you were going to try.
Do you have any friends/family who would be up for taking care of him a little while while you can go elsewhere and sleep? I know I'd be happy to do this for a few hours for a friend - I know how hard it can be in the beginning, and frankly, everything is better with several hours of consecutive sleep. Trying to get DS to sleep when he was fussy, tired, but still wouldn't sleep has driven me to tears - I think all moms have been there. (hugs)
See if you can get a DVD of the Happiest Baby on the Block. We got it, and it did help some, although I've always heard that it works much better for others than it did us, for whatever reason. Does putting him in a stroller and walking him around konk him out? You could try that. Car ride? Have you tried laying him down on something that smells like you - put a shirt/robe you've been wearing down, tightly in his PNP? Ditto pp about wearing him during the day, skin to skin. That can be very soothing for a little one. Was there a song you used to sing/listen to when you were pg? One I always sang when I was pg used to calm DS down, of course, it didn't help me sleep as I had to sing it, but maybe if there was a CD/song that you could play that he'd 'recognize'.
The other thing we always had success with was shhing & patting rhythmically. I usually could get DS drifting off, set him down/hold him while he was also lying in his cradle, and shhh pat him the entire time, finally gradually getting the shh's quieter & the pats lighter. That's what happened to work the best for us.
(hugs) It DOES get easier. Wish there was more I could do to help!
I'm quoting so that it's easy to see what I'm referencing.
The tip about keeping the lights low at night and bright during the day is really the only thing that will get him to recognize what is day and what is night. Instead of turning on a lamp or something to change him, can you get a nightlight to keep on all the time? It is much more dim. I read (I think in the NCSS) that even a 20 watt bulb can stimulate them to be awake. But even so I found that a nightlight was always better than the lamp. We actually used one of those tap light things and kept it by the side of the bed. Worked awesome because I could bring it to the changing table when I needed to change her. Hopefully having that little bit of light will help to get him on a nighttime sleep schedule and still let you do your job of changing and feeding.
Also, I'll share how we coslept before Mady was mobile. Basically I didn't do side-lying nursing for 4 months. Just couldn't get it. So when I came back to bed from nursing she'd be in the cradle position. I'd carefully lay down while still holding her, so her head would be about my chest level in bed. That allowed me to have my arm around her to keep her close. I always laid on my side, until she was older. When she ate the next time I also switched what side I laid on.
DH used the sheet and comforter on his side of the bed but I always made sure it was either down by my legs on our side or that we were laying on it. I used a separate blanket or quilt depending on the weather and laid DD on it so that I could still have it up high. I also would sometimes wear a long sleeved shirt to bed and keep the blanket at my waist. As long as she didn't have a bulky blanket next to her I was comfortable using one. Having her in the crook of my arm was also extremely helpful for keeping her away from the pillows. I can't NOT use a pillow. She didn't move much for the few few months anyway.
Definitely read the link the PP gave for the safe cosleeping. I know we didn't go exactly by the book but I never once felt that we were not cosleeping safely. And until you know how DH is going to be cosleeping I'd not let him sleep alone with the baby, just in case. I did that once with DH and he turned his back on her so that when I came back to bed she was laying against his back. I was livid. But he never did it again (well, at least not until she was a toddler and could roll around freely in her sleep).
Anyway, that's all I've got. Swaddling didn't work for DD either, so I feel you on that. Just remember that most parents go through this phase with their babies. Those that don't are just extremely lucky (or lying). Just do what works for now and worry about the rest later when you're getting more sleep. GL!
I just want to tell you I know how you feel (mostly). Our son has been sleeping just awfully lately, probably gas, but it's made nights and day really hard. The past two nights he was up every hour and I tried not to wake my husband since he works such long hours. But yesterday I called him just sobbing because I tried to put our son down for a nap for six hours during the day, and he screamed if I wasn't holding him and rocking him and tapping his bottom in a position that was hurting my back.
I hope your family can find a solution and you can get some sleep.