insecure much?

DREWLILY · October 2009

Michael_Hunter:

Drewlily, do you really not see how you have a hand in anything here? You were agressive in your creation of a bio on the website. Sure, go on there and help SD, but by putting your business out there, YOU raised the ire of BM.

I can't imagine a SM having her detailed info on a bio in SD's class site. It's so narcissistic. Maybe that's the whole problem?

Not really. I know that no matter what I do it will piss off BM, me being in SD's life pisses her off thoroughly. I don't set out to piss her off, but I'm not going to hide in the corner just because she has an issue with me being married to her ex and being in her daughter's life. I have a bio up same as all the other parents, step parents, grandparents, and teachers on that website. But for some reason, I've done something 'wrong' by doing it too.

Michael_Hunter · October 2009

The "everybody else is doing it" argument is what a five year old would say. "All the other step parents put up their profiles" whine works for about a second. You know the circumstances of your SD's life. And you cared not a whit.

Your bio on the site is an aggressive, in your face "ha ha I'm Mrs. Lily" flung directly at BM. She was immature and wrong in her response, but that doesn't make you right.

Maturity and introspection are not your strong suits today.

DREWLILY · October 2009

Michael_Hunter:

The "everybody else is doing it" argument is what a five year old would say. "All the other step parents put up their profiles" whine works for about a second. You know the circumstances of your SD's life. And you cared not a whit.

Your bio on the site is an aggressive, in your face "ha ha I'm Mrs. Lily" flung directly at BM. She was immature and wrong in her response, but that doesn't make you right.

Maturity and introspection are not your strong suits today.

Perhaps they are not. But the fact that I'm flamed for doing the exact thing that is supposed to be done on the website is stupid to me. I'm not whining that everyone else did, I was pointing out that a bio is what you do when you put a profile up on the site. I did say that I wasn't the only step parent on there, it wasn't a whine, more a defensive comment since I got attacked for being a SM with a profile on that site. I didn't put up a profile and bio to be mean to BM or throw something anything in her face. How is where I went to school a dig at her? She went to a grade school and a high school too, what's the problem here? And yes I did put Mrs and my last name...maybe I should have just made up a name instead of using my legal name. But that also seemed stupid to me.

goldenjes · October 2009

Very mature. I'm sure the other parents are also impressed.

Michael_Hunter · October 2009

DREWLILY:
Michael_Hunter:

The "everybody else is doing it" argument is what a five year old would say. "All the other step parents put up their profiles" whine works for about a second. You know the circumstances of your SD's life. And you cared not a whit.

Your bio on the site is an aggressive, in your face "ha ha I'm Mrs. Lily" flung directly at BM. She was immature and wrong in her response, but that doesn't make you right.

Maturity and introspection are not your strong suits today.

Perhaps they are not. But the fact that I'm flamed for doing the exact thing that is supposed to be done on the website is stupid to me. I'm not whining that everyone else did, I was pointing out that a bio is what you do when you put a profile up on the site. I did say that I wasn't the only step parent on there, it wasn't a whine, more a defensive comment since I got attacked for being a SM with a profile on that site. I didn't put up a profile and bio to be mean to BM or throw something anything in her face. How is where I went to school a dig at her? She went to a grade school and a high school too, what's the problem here? And yes I did put Mrs and my last name...maybe I should have just made up a name instead of using my legal name. But that also seemed stupid to me.

so sad for your SD. Lucky for her you'll probably be replaced shortly.

DREWLILY · October 2009

Michael_Hunter:

so sad for your SD. Lucky for her you'll probably be replaced shortly.

That's a really hurtful and unnecessary comment.

Saran · October 2009

I just want to say that I (a SM) can see both sides. DH & I, along with BM are involved with the school & teachers. I more so than them because I'm a SAHM and BM & DH both work. I also have the same last name as my SK's so I'm very carful to make sure the school & teachers know that I am SM. It is the respectful thing to do given the children have a mother. BM is fine with me being very involved because she knows it only benefits the children and she also knows that I respect her place as mom and that I identify myself as SM.

Maybe you could have set up your screen name as you & DH's names together and put in the bio info about both of you together as a couple and clearly state that you are SM. So that way, you both can log on to the same name and be active on the site. Make the bio about your unique family and not just you.

I do think that BM needs a swift kick in the rear for acting like that! And don't think for a minute that you being involved means your DH is not. My DH volunteers all thru the year, goes to all conferences, emails teachers etc.. but I have the freedom as SAHM to do alot of the little things. And there are ALOT of little things!

mom2one · October 2009

DREWLILY:
mom2one:
I was married before...but I have only been (and only will ever be) a 1st wife. There is no way on earth I would have touched a thrice divorced man with a 10 foot pole. And frankly I wouldn't be attempting to assert myself as ANYTHING in either SD's life or anywhere in DH's life as the 4th wife. That would be embarrassing and I suspect Drewlily feels the same way and that is why she is so intent on trying to make herself seem legitimate for SD.
Mom2One, I'm not sure why you've launched a personal attack on me because I'm on my SD's school website. Do you have a SM in your life you're angry with or something so you just take it out on me instead? I'm not embarrassed by anything I've done or said. And I don't need to make myself seem legit to SD, she knows who am I and she knows who her BM is, there is nothing to legitimize. I'm part of SD's life, end of story, I'm not trying to assert myself into her life, I AM in her life. I hope when you remarry (of course to someone who has never been married before) that you don't expect him to not talk to your child or love them or be any real part of their life, as you said, they shouldn't 'assert' themselves into a child's life if it isn't their child.

I am remarried. lol. And my DS and DH are very close.

mom2one · October 2009

DREWLILY:
Michael_Hunter:

so sad for your SD. Lucky for her you'll probably be replaced shortly.
That's a really hurtful and unnecessary comment.

Yes but truthful.

DREWLILY · October 2009

mom2one:

I am remarried. lol. And my DS and DH are very close.

Then I don't understand why it's a problem if I am close to my SD or if I'm active in her life and her education. I'm sure you appreciate the fact that your DH and your DS are so close. DH appreciates that SD's BM is remarried to someone who really cares about SD and enjoys doing things with her and being part of her life (unlike some of the other guys BM has brought home in the past).

And no that comment is not true, but it was unnecessary, it's a school website, me having a profile up on it does not warrant such a nasty comment.

DREWLILY · October 2009

Saran:

Maybe you could have set up your screen name as you & DH's names together and put in the bio info about both of you together as a couple and clearly state that you are SM. So that way, you both can log on to the same name and be active on the site. Make the bio about your unique family and not just you.

Thanks for the suggestion, Saran, I think you were the only one that actually had a suggestion. DH is going to write up a new bio and we'll change the screen name. I already state that I am SD's SM, but we'll make sure it's in there again (maybe more than once) just to be sure we were clear that I know I'm not SD's BM.

Ok then I think I've spent enough time defending myself today. Thanks for the majority of the comments and suggestions. I'm sure I'll have a repost when this plays out, I'd appreciate the comments about how SD is better off without me and anything similar be kept to yourself even if that is how you feel.

knmommy · October 2009

Saran:

Maybe you could have set up your screen name as you & DH's names together and put in the bio info about both of you together as a couple and clearly state that you are SM. So that way, you both can log on to the same name and be active on the site. Make the bio about your unique family and not just you.

This was my thought.

hindsight's_a_biotch · October 2009

This thread pretty well sums up why I have issues posting here anymore.

You want blind support when the reality is some of you don't think and will die on the smallest of hills. It would have been an easy thing to either register under your husband's name or write up a little blurb about how you adore your husband's daughter and enjoy seeing how much she learns. Or you could have left the profile to a minimum.

We all have options. So few of us are willing to make the concessions especially on the little things.

Kyah · October 2009

What you should have done was put that you are her SM in your bio. That would have put you on the higher ground and possibly averted the drama. But you knew BM would get mad and you probably enjoy needling her on some level. You have every right to be involved and even to make your own profile, that is not overstepping at all. Omitting the fact that you are the SM when her mom is involved and on the same site IS overstepping.

Ooglybear · October 2009

Kyah:
What you should have done was put that you are her SM in your bio. That would have put you on the higher ground and possibly averted the drama. But you knew BM would get mad and you probably enjoy needling her on some level. You have every right to be involved and even to make your own profile, that is not overstepping at all. Omitting the fact that you are the SM when her mom is involved and on the same site IS overstepping.

She DID include the fact that she is the SM. She has said that several times. She wasn't claiming to be the BM at all. The only thing that might have maybe made it seem that way was that she has the same last name as the child (how dare she take her DH's name!)... Is it too much to ask that you have some clue what is actually going on before you put in your two cents?

J&A2008 · October 2009

mom2one:

I don't have much respect for dads who turn over the parenting and being involved to their wives, who may or may not be around for the duration of the kid's childhood. If it works for you, fine...but I am glad that ex, despite his hundreds of flaws, doesn't let his girlfriend pretend to be the mom while he sits back and does nothing.

That's my H. Lazzzzy azzz DH hands the parenting over to me while he works to support his family. Someone ought to straighten him out.

J&A2008 · October 2009

Michael_Hunter:

Drewlily, do you really not see how you have a hand in anything here? You were agressive in your creation of a bio on the website. Sure, go on there and help SD, but by putting your business out there, YOU raised the ire of BM.

I can't imagine a SM having her detailed info on a bio in SD's class site. It's so narcissistic. Maybe that's the whole problem?

So SM's aren't allowed to use their husband's name or have an identity of their own. Interesting.

I'm sure all the other parents who put their bios up are just full of themselves, too. Shoddy-narcissistic parents. Someone ought to report them.

ScissorTailedFlycatcher · October 2009

Kyah:
What you should have done was put that you are her SM in your bio. That would have put you on the higher ground and possibly averted the drama. But you knew BM would get mad and you probably enjoy needling her on some level. You have every right to be involved and even to make your own profile, that is not overstepping at all. Omitting the fact that you are the SM when her mom is involved and on the same site IS overstepping.

She mentioned in a later comment that she did include that she was SD's SM.

?

J&A2008 · October 2009

mom2one:
If you are ok with being number 4, that's fine...but I certainly wouldn't be ok with that. How many times has he said 'til death do us part'? Sloppy seconds only gets you halfway there. Ick.

LOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOL

And the sheer bitterness emerges. Classic mom2one. Way to go!

ScissorTailedFlycatcher · October 2009

J&A2008:
Michael_Hunter:

Drewlily, do you really not see how you have a hand in anything here?? You were agressive in your creation of a bio on the website.? Sure, go on there and help SD, but by putting your business out there, YOU raised the ire of BM.?
?I can't imagine a SM having her detailed info on a bio in SD's class site.? It's so narcissistic.? Maybe that's the whole problem?
So SM's aren't allowed to use their husband's name or have an identity of their own.? Interesting.?
I'm sure all the other parents who put their bios up are just full of themselves, too.? Shoddy-narcissistic parents.? Someone ought to report them.

I was thinking this too. If it was?narcissistic?for Drew to put up a profile, wouldn't it also have been narcissistic for everyone else that did as well? Is being a bio-parent posting any less narcissistic? The teacher asked that parents get involved and create a profile. It's not the "everyone else was doing it" attitude. It's what was requested.?

ScissorTailedFlycatcher · October 2009

J&A2008:
mom2one:
If you are ok with being number 4, that's fine...but I certainly wouldn't be ok with that. How many times has he said 'til death do us part'? Sloppy seconds only gets you halfway there. Ick.
LOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOL
And the sheer bitterness emerges.? Classic mom2one.? Way to go!

Yeah, that whole argument was ridiculous. Was she not aware of what she was implying about many of us as well as her DH. It's not like Drew's DH hid the fact that he was married that many times. If she's fine with it, then what does it matter??

Kyah · October 2009

Ahh, I missed that post about how she did state that she was the SM. My apologies then. I also deal with a BM who tries to exclude not only me as much as possible, but my DH as well. Especially when it comes to school. So I do have sympathy. It doesn't matter how much you bend over backward trying to support and respect their role as the mom, they are just insecure no matter what.

J&A2008 · October 2009

shortyred919:
J&A2008:

mom2one:
If you are ok with being number 4, that's fine...but I certainly wouldn't be ok with that. How many times has he said 'til death do us part'? Sloppy seconds only gets you halfway there. Ick.

LOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOL

And the sheer bitterness emerges. Classic mom2one. Way to go!

Yeah, that whole argument was ridiculous. Was she not aware of what she was implying about many of us as well as her DH. It's not like Drew's DH hid the fact that he was married that many times. If she's fine with it, then what does it matter?

Well, I'm guessing Mom2one took different vows than the rest of us. Clearly she vowed "until I divorce you" on her first marriage, otherwise throwing that insult around makes her look like a l-u-n-a-t-i-c.

mom2one · October 2009

I would think that everyone would agree that divorce for domestic violence was a good reason...but maybe not. Regardless, if you change wives as often as most people change boyfriends or girlfriends...your marriage is a joke.

DREWLILY · October 2009

mom2one:
I would think that everyone would agree that divorce for domestic violence was a good reason...but maybe not. Regardless, if you change wives as often as most people change boyfriends or girlfriends...your marriage is a joke.

Yes that is a good reason, and I know that everyone on this board is glad that you were able to get out of such an awful situation. But you are assuming you know the reasons why my DH has been divorced, and you shouldn't assume because you don't know. He didn't just go around 'changing' wives as you have assumed.

J&A2008 · October 2009

mom2one:
I would think that everyone would agree that divorce for domestic violence was a good reason...but maybe not. Regardless, if you change wives as often as most people change boyfriends or girlfriends...your marriage is a joke.

Yes, mom2one, you have the monopoly on "the only good reasons to get divorced" and no other reasons are legit. Everyone else is sloppy seconds except you.

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