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Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
Can I complain/whine? It's going to be long!
When I told my SIL (my husband's twin) that I was pregnant I got the best possible response - me too! She was due 6 weeks after me. I had a mcin August and she still has a healthy pregnancy.
We were supposed to have a joint shower next weekend. I had been home from the hospital one week when I called my MIL to say I wanted to help w/ her shower whenever it would be, in whatever way I could. She said my SILs friend had already volunteered to host it. So I emailed her and volunteered. Let me say that this friend of hers has always been a little jealous of me, I think. She thinks that I'm taking her friend (my SIL) away from her. I do get along so well w/ my SIL, but I'm not doing it to steal her! Anyway, this friend said that I had too much going on and didn't need to help. I wrote back and said if she could use the help I'd love to help bc I think although it will be hard, not helping plan a shower for my first niece of nephew would be harder. She wrote back and again and nixed everything I had suggested I could do as she had already bought invitations, bought decorations, planned games, bought prizes, etc. I got the impression she wanted to do it so that she could do it for my SIL herself. I think she's a little insecure, but I finally backed off and said I was sure my SIL would appreciate it and left it at that.
So I was bummed at not getting to help plan her shower, but had gotten over it.
I just got an email from this friend of hers saying my SIL had not yet registered and she had already sent out invitations blah blah blah. The part that hurt was she told me my SIL was going to do "Bunny Meadow" bedding. I don't think I ever told my SIL, but that was the bedding we had picked out for our son. I'm not suggesting she "stole" our idea, just had the same great taste. I was upset though - it's hard to take. This is the first time I don't think my husband "gets it" though. He said I was being silly and we could still get that bedding next time, but I wound up crying over it. It was our bedding for our baby and though I'm so happy for them, it was mine! And I was supposed to still be pregnant and I'm not and it just sucks. It is STILL hard to be 100% happy all the time for pregnant friends and family, no matter how much I love them.
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Re: Can I complain/whine? It's going to be long!
I am sorry, hun. I would totally see why you would be upset- I would be too and I don't think my DH would get it either.
If I were you... I would buy the bedding regardless and just hold onto it. If you intended to buy it for your baby... then still buy it. Don't let someone else take away your vision. You have already lost too much as it is.
big (((hugs))))
I'm so sorry :-(
This types of things upset me too. Guys don't get it sometimes, but you aren't being silly!
DS - 9/12/08 9 lbs 22.5 in.
Natural M/C 9/21/09 at 8w 1d baby measured 6w 3d
DS2 - 7/13/10 10 lb 2.5 oz. 21.5 in
DD1 - 9/21/12 9 lbs 4 oz. 22.5 in
Baby #4 due Spring of 2014!
Thanks so much all of you! I talked to my husband again about this and I think he understands now.
We are having work done on our house (a tree fell on it), so as a part of it they are painting all the rooms inside. Originally, I was going to paint the baby's room to match this bedding. After my mc, I thought about buying it anyway but thought that was foolish. Now after several of you suggesting it, I think I still might and then pick a paint color to match it.
Thanks again ladies! You guys are the best
Have a great afternoon.
I understand how it feels. I had 5 friends (two happen to be my best friends since my sophmore year off high school) that were pregnant and due within a one month radius of my due date. I was so excited for all the friends that my twin girls would have had that would have been the same age as her. All the play dates and group birthday parties.
When I lost my girls they all stopped talking to me as much, usually only if I initiated contact, most scared that I hated them for still being pregnant. Now they are all born. I have gotten together with a few of them and it is hard.
All five of those friends never sent me an invitation to their shower. And it broke my heart. I know that these people love me and my girls and didn't invite me in hopes that I would be able to avoid that pain. I am greatful that they thought of me and wanted to spare me pain but they didn't realize the pain that I will always have knowing that I missed all of their showers. 4 of them it was their first baby, and for some reason it kills me to have missed out on such an important time in my friends' lives.
i don't know what to tell you about the friend. She does sounds like she was more doing it to make herself look good and not trying to spare your feelings and that isn't an acceptable way to act.
As for the bedding; it is hard. Every time you see it you will see your son. Maybe whenever you see your niece or nephew laying there and seeing how happy they are you will imagine how happy that same bedding would have made your son. Don't think about him missing out on it, look at it as one way that you made your son happy. I am sure that you two will always be together in one way or another, and in his eyes you will always be the best Mom he ever had.